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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect to be paid back?

115 replies

Dogswotsits · 30/12/2020 19:59

A neighbour from down the road asked in the road’s Facebook group for somebody to pop to the shops to buy some bits due to self isolating a week ago, don’t know her really but wanted to help - said she would post cash (£6ish) through when out and about which was 5 or 6 days ago. Nothing received - AIBU to remind her?

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/01/2021 09:34

The OP was asking about requesting money owed by a neighbour that had asked for help with groceries when isolating - not a dozen lectures on the difficulties of obtaining a bank account for some sections of society FFS.

The neighbour lives in same the road as the OP - so is not homeless, and probably has a bank account in order to have a mortgage or a rental agreement. She made the request on Facebook - so has access to the internet and uses it Hmm

From some of the responses here you'd think OP was expecting repayment plus interest from somebody begging outside the supermarket.

Hope it's resolved quickly and she reimburses you soon OP.

MissMarks · 01/01/2021 09:47

You have no idea what the financial situation is- I would proceed with caution. Personally I would write off the debt and I certainly wouldn’t be getting worked up about it unless I myself had no money.

Yeahnahmum · 01/01/2021 09:56

Id ask her.
Because she could
A) simply just forgotten it
Or
B) sneakily hope youd forget about it and saver herself 6 bucks...

Nope. Id ask 😊

toocold54 · 01/01/2021 10:06

From some of the responses here you'd think OP was expecting repayment plus interest from somebody begging outside the supermarket.

This.

I’m shocked how many people are so quick to say about the lady’s situation. What about op’s situation?
OP was kind enough to buy her shopping and lend her the £6 to do so (nearly one hours wage on minimum wage). The least the lady can do is let her know when she can expect the money back. It should have been given on the same day but she may have forgotten.

Some people on here seem like pushovers. OP don’t go in all guns blazing as it could be a genuine mistake but don’t get treated like a mug either.

WombatChocolate · 01/01/2021 10:06

There is a big difference between asking someone to do a favour and get some shopping in for them, and asking someone to fund the shopping.

People approach a food bank or a charity if they need financial help. They may well ask a neighbour or Facebook group for a bit of practical help. And when someone offers practical help, that is what they are doing, rather than offering a financial contribution or donation. I think some people are getting muddled up with the 2 quite different ways of offering help.

Ideally, when providing practical help which requires spending money, the person needing help supplies the money up front. This removes all of these kind of issues which have arisen. Super armaments have a scheme now so people can buy a card to give to to their helper to spend, so all this payment and repayment issue is avoided.

The Op was asked to provide practical help and not financial support. She provided what she was asked for and offered to do. There would be nothing wrong in asking for the money to cover what she spent....the person who asked for practical help will have been expecting to pay the money - either in advance or afterwards. In likelihood, they have just forgotten and will quickly repay when asked......but if they have forgotten and the Op doesn’t ask, it will remain a hanging issue and one which causes a bit of annoyance and bitterness.

It really isn’t the case that you can or only should offer practical help if you are also willing to financially fund it. Lots of people shop for the elderly or those who need a bit of practical help. It’s actually the practical help that many people need. Financial support for food etc is a different requirement altogether and people do t usually volunteer to supply that to individuals but to a charity such as a food bank.

What a shame if people read this thread and are put off offering a bit of practical help because they conclude that they will be expected to provide far more than they were asked for or offered and that it would be considered improper to expect the money back for shopping done for neighbours....and that to ask for it would be an outrage.

Look at all the volunteering websites and the sites set up for the Covid Volunteers through the WVRNS....it is very clear that people can request a practical task such a shopping, but will pay for the shopping itself and that volunteers carry out practical tasks but are not asked to provide financial support. There is a separate section for making donations.

If I had volunteered to help someone with shopping and on on delivering it or collecting the money to pay for it, I suddenly wondered if they were financially struggling as well, I would look to see if there might be a group I could contact about it who dealt with such issues. When individual neighbours helps each other out, this is more difficult, but when charities who organise practical help are involved, they often have links to all kinds of other support networks too and can link people in, if they want to be linked in. No individual neighbour though is responsible for providing everything.

TroysMammy · 01/01/2021 10:28

I really can't comprehend some responses, "It's only £6, let it go" is popping up a lot. It is kind of the OP to do shopping when someone is isolating but why the hell should she pay for it too? The neighbour is just that, a neighbour not a friend or family member just a stranger who lives on the same street and even if she wasn't just a neighbour why would people be so cheeky and entitled to think that someone else can pay for their necessities?

The OP has said she's seen the neighbour and children out and about so she is no longer isolating and quite capable of paying the OP back. How do they know that this neighbour hasn't done the same to other kind hearted people on the Facebook group page?

We need to stop being so "British" and call people out on their behaviour as it has a negative impact on everyone. That includes stop tutting at that person who gets too near in a shop, say something. We are turning into a nation of wet lettuces because we don't want to offend strangers and people we know then post on MN bleating about the injustice. Make 2021 the year we take back control.

If the neighbour is still refusing to pay then advise the Facebook group admin and they can sort it out and if she gets removed/banned then so be it.

SallyB392 · 01/01/2021 11:44

Userxx, we know what we spend! (Actually that's a lie, my husband DOES I haven't a clue), We have a joint account with one card for bills and online spending, a personal pocket money account with monthly allowance transferred by standing order, and hubby withdraws cash monthly for face to face spending. I'm like the queen, rarely have any cash, never take my card out, so he pays for everything!

I receive disability benefits my husband has a basic state pension, so we are not well off but we don't drink, smoke, have sky or have flash mobiles (I don't have one, I lost mine a couple of years ago and hubby has a 17 yr old brick), so we get on just fine!

Sinful8 · 01/01/2021 11:49

[quote BananaPop2020]@Iflyaway a huge amount of people can’t access banking facilities at all, let alone online.[/quote]
Who in your world can have Facebook but not online banking?

Wheresmykimchi · 01/01/2021 12:37

@sinful8 I know a few people my parents generation. They do social media but don't trust doing money online.

Wellpark · 01/01/2021 13:05

What a lot of fuss on here! She owes you money OP so go to her door and knock it and stand back. Tell her you've come to collect the money for the shopping. If cash is ok for you tell her you will take cash, if not, to put it in your account. Have your account details written down to give her. She's benefited from your goodwill in picking up the shopping and now she has to pay. What is difficult about that?

userxx · 01/01/2021 13:48

@SallyB392 That's fair enough, I suppose it's just what we're all used to. I must log into my online banking about 5 times a day just to check where I'm up to, I'd feel a bit lost not having all that info to hand. I've recently got my mum into it and she's as obsessive as me 🙈

SallyB392 · 01/01/2021 15:07

@sinful8 me! Facebook and Amazon & ebay but no online banking! Hubby doesn't even like using his card, for Amazon for example he buys a £100 & pop's it on one of our accounts

I haven't a clue where my account I s (when I get declined I know I've spent my money), but my husband could tell you to the nearest penny how much is in our joint account. He panics as soon as it drops below £1,000)!

oiwotaluvlyday · 01/01/2021 16:55

YANBU. To be fair to her she may have forgotten. You have done her a favour in buying the shopping, no reason why you should fund it too.

.

Taikoo · 01/01/2021 22:56

I had a similar problem recently.
Did quite a big favour for a 'friend' and was left 5 quid out of pocket.
I also had some cash flow problems myself at the time.
I asked her for the money the first time but no sign of it.
I asked her again for it a second time, face to face, and I got it back.

I hate people like that.
You need to be very direct with her and say that you need your money back.

Ddot · 02/01/2021 14:11

Leave it for another week then pop over and knock on Door, or email
Hi just checking your ok, when your out and about could you pop that money through my letter box. Thanks glad your well xxx

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