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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Vegan gift.

531 replies

FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 30/12/2020 17:11

It was my birthday over the Christmas period; my friend - who is quite the "militant vegan" - has sent me some chocolates through the post which is really lovely and thoughtful of her.

However upon opening the chocolate I have found that it is vegan and gluten-free. I am neither of these things. I'm grateful for the thought but sadly this gift will go to waste as it is not something I'd eat.

I probably sound massively ungrateful but I really do appreciate the thought - the only reason I'm a bit irked by it is because I bend over backwards to only buy vegan, ethical products for my friend that I know she will use. She hasn't reciprocated this and has instead bought me something she would like, not me.

AIBU or just truthful? My DH understands why I am put out but I feel really ungrateful - if anything I'm more annoyed that this gift will go unused and my friend will have ultimately wasted her money.

OP posts:
EileenGC · 30/12/2020 18:03

Also, gluten free has nothing to do with taste or ingredients (unless it's a gluten substitute of course). It has to do with manufacturing procedures.

In 2 of Spain's largest supermarket chains (think Sainsbury's and Asda), 90% of all food is gluten free. That's of course excluding anything that would naturally contain flour, etc. Everything has a big colourful label on it that says 'without gluten'. It's still normal food, it just hasn't been processed or packaged next to stuff containing gluten.

Bizawit · 30/12/2020 18:03

YABU!!!

OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:03

@princessandthedragon

YANBU they love to preach don’t they. This was her opportunity.
Or maybe she thought the OP would like them?

If I offer you a bourneville chocolate finger or a Tesco dark chocolate digestive then am I forcing veganism on you? Or am I just trying to be nice by offering someone a biscuit like what normal people do?

loveyouradvice · 30/12/2020 18:05

LONGING TO KNOW WHAT THE CHOCOLATE ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE ... and if you like it??

rathertalktothecats · 30/12/2020 18:06

What if she’d (stop the press!) bought you non-gelatine sweets?

Nooo, I only eat sweets with stuff from cows hooves in it!

Or a handbag from Stella McCartney?

Nooo, I want REAL animal skin.

OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:06

I wonder if people who think vegan chocolate is somehow not real chocolate are the same people who think vegans have to buy special vegan bread and pasta. People have very weird ideas about food Grin.

HOkieCOkie · 30/12/2020 18:06

Sounds disgusting, I agree with you op. Typical you respect her lifestyle and she pushes hers on you.

Hankunamatata · 30/12/2020 18:07

I avoid dairy. Dh got me some lovely asda free from truffles - they are amazing. Try before you sneer

OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:07

@HOkieCOkie

Sounds disgusting, I agree with you op. Typical you respect her lifestyle and she pushes hers on you.
Would this be a bad time to offer you a strawberry? Smile
HOkieCOkie · 30/12/2020 18:07

@rathertalktothecats a Stella bag costs 750 pounds, I’m not paying that for fake leather lol 😂

Tomatobear · 30/12/2020 18:07

Maybe she knows they're really tasty and so is giving you something that she knows is good?

Yes, she could buy you proper chocolate but surely she wouldn't know if it was good or not as she hasn't tried it?

poshnodosh · 30/12/2020 18:08

What?!

Many ethical vegans wouldn't buy non vegan products. You are being massively unreasonable!

I'm a vegan and I do buy the occasional non vegan box of chocs for my mum but that's about it and I only do it because she's v fussy.

HOkieCOkie · 30/12/2020 18:08

@OhNoItsADalek I love strawberries but that’s got nothing to do with a vegan bore pushing her lifestyle on her friends.

Tomatobear · 30/12/2020 18:08

I agree that pushy vegans are annoying though

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 30/12/2020 18:08

Are they Booja booja? CakeBrew

sbhydrogen · 30/12/2020 18:08

I would roll my eyes after being given vegan chocolates by a vegan person. It's too preachy.

However, I'd eat them anyway.

Thisendsnow · 30/12/2020 18:09

I would expect my vegan friends to buy vegan products tbh, it's a bit daft for you to think otherwise. I wouldn't expect her to spend her money on items she believes go against her ethics. You wouldn't expect her to buy you a leather jacket or joint of meat to roast on Sunday.

rathertalktothecats · 30/12/2020 18:09

Take the plunge OP. Seize life by the bollocks. Tread the path less trodden. Try the VEGAN Shock chocolate WITH NO CREAM in it....

I’m on tenterhooks already..,,

OchonAgusOchonO · 30/12/2020 18:10

As others have said, normal dark chocolate is vegan. Most chocolate is also gluten free.

If you don't eat dark chocolate and she knows that, then it was unreasonable of her to give it to you. If you eat dark chocolate, then you were being utterly ridiculous and petty, simply because you didn't like the word vegan on the label.

I have read your posts and see that you recognise that you were over reacting. That's great to see. The fact you wouldn't buy her a non-vegan product is great but the reverse doesn't really apply as most non-vegans eat vegan food (fruit, veg etc).

Little aside about how ridiculous some meat eaters can be. I was organising a conference last year. All attendees were asked for any dietary restrictions. One person wrote no vegan or vegetarian food. The caterer had a great laugh about it all and asked should they provide a plate containing a lump of ham for their lunch as we were providing mixed sandwiches and each sandwich/wrap had at least one vegan or vegetarian element.

PerhapsOverlyWorried · 30/12/2020 18:10

YANBU Vegan chocolate is absolutely rank and it’s very off to receive a gift from someone that are thinking of themselves and not you Flowers

ivykaty44 · 30/12/2020 18:10

@OhNoItsADalek

dd had to explain to vegan couple that they couldn't have the soda bread, this was though after a few weeks of them buying it....

OhNoItsADalek · 30/12/2020 18:10

@Tomatobear

Maybe she knows they're really tasty and so is giving you something that she knows is good?

Yes, she could buy you proper chocolate but surely she wouldn't know if it was good or not as she hasn't tried it?

Again, vegan chocolate is proper chocolate. Chocolate is vegan by default because it comes from cacao which last time I checked was a plant. People add dairy to chocolate to make milk chocolate but that doesn't mean chocolate without milk is somehow not real. Why people have such a difficult time grasping this basic concept is beyond me 😂
pawsies · 30/12/2020 18:11

Regift it to her on her birthday?

Oooohbehave · 30/12/2020 18:11

YABU. If she's a strict vegan she wouldn't want to buy something containing animal products. You can eat vegan food whereas she can't eat animal products. When my friend went vegan I had some friends over for my birthday (pre Covid) and made an entirely vegan buffet. It was awesome and I got to try new foods and my friend was really grateful. I also bought some vegan ice cream and it's was as good as normal (if not nicer). The only thing I do when I go to hers is take my own milk. Tea with oat milk is disgusting! Try the chocolate OP.

OchonAgusOchonO · 30/12/2020 18:12

Yes, she could buy you proper chocolate but surely she wouldn't know if it was good or not as she hasn't tried it?

Proper chocolate is vegan chocolate. It was just never labelled as such in the past because it was neither profitable nor popular.