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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whose turn was it?

129 replies

Gleps · 29/12/2020 22:17

Every night me and DH alternate who puts the toddler to bed and who puts the baby to bed. Baby is much easier than the toddler who tries every delay tactic possible during toilet, teeth and story time.

Two nights ago I put the toddler to bed and DH put the baby to bed. Last night toddler stayed at my sisters house. (We’ve bubbled up due to the having a baby under 1 year old rule). I’d ordered takeaway for my dinner and it arrived after 2 hours, right as the baby needed to go to bed. So DH did it begrudgingly.

So tonight it gets to bed time and DH tries to say that it’s my turn to put the toddler to bed as he put the baby to bed the night before. I’m like nooo putting the toddler to bed is your job tonight as I did it last.

We’re having a very light hearted debate about this and decided to turn to mumsnet to settle the argument. So:

Yabu- it was my turn to put the toddler to bed
Yanbu- it was Dh’s turn to put the toddler to bed

OP posts:
Aprilx · 30/12/2020 11:01

You had the night off completely so he gets the easier job tone following day.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2020 11:02

[quote Bookworming]@MiddleClassProblem I'm mid 50s and hardly likely to be breastfeeding!

It was a light hearted thread but the OP has still had accusations of "arguing about putting the children to bed", "how sad for the toddler".

I'm just against the ridiculous projection and assumption that parents only ever fight and argue about every little thing. They don't.

I'm still laughing at your assumption I'm breastfeeding though! I must tell DH, he'll be amazed! [/quote]
Well you seemed to be going about an awful lot. It seemed like vital information to you so it seemed you were projecting. Apparently not. So god knows why this fact is so important to you. It doesn’t seem to be a factor for OP.

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 11:04

I assume if I point out to @Aprilx that the OP didn't have the night off, you'll say I'm stressed again @MiddleClassProblem ?

Are you the board 👮‍♀️?

LindaEllen · 30/12/2020 11:10

[quote Gleps]@FestiveStuffing exactly my point!! I’d happily put the baby to bed every night.

If it’s my turn with the toddler again then I’ve not gained anything in terms of her bed time routine, I’ve just had my usual night off. Where as if it was DH’s turn then we both have had two nights off rather than one.[/quote]
Why do you feel you need to 'gain' something when it involves your toddler's bedtime? This is so sad and such a strange way to view things.

CardoMondo · 30/12/2020 11:11

@ToffeePennie

What? Why don’t you both do it? We put our toddler and 6 year old to bed every night and it’s both of us. So I go up with the toddler, get his PJs on, by which time my husband has persuaded mr6 into his PJs. Teeth brushed together, then everyone into the toddlers room for a story, toddler into bed, we all sing songs, mr6 has cuddles, then DH and then me, I put lullabies on Alexa and we close his stairgate and leave. (He is 3, and can open our front door onto a main road / which is why we have a stairgate) Then we go into oldest room. He has 30/45 mins of a story, reads 10 mins of a story to us, then I put an audio book on Alexa show for him and we sing songs, have cuddles and go downstairs. It’s a lovely way to end our day and neither of us feels put out. Why don’t you both do it together?
Fucking hell this is hilarious! I needed a laugh today ☺️

((Goes off to skip down the street singing songs))

MaryLeeOnHigh · 30/12/2020 11:24

@ToffeePennie

What? Why don’t you both do it? We put our toddler and 6 year old to bed every night and it’s both of us. So I go up with the toddler, get his PJs on, by which time my husband has persuaded mr6 into his PJs. Teeth brushed together, then everyone into the toddlers room for a story, toddler into bed, we all sing songs, mr6 has cuddles, then DH and then me, I put lullabies on Alexa and we close his stairgate and leave. (He is 3, and can open our front door onto a main road / which is why we have a stairgate) Then we go into oldest room. He has 30/45 mins of a story, reads 10 mins of a story to us, then I put an audio book on Alexa show for him and we sing songs, have cuddles and go downstairs. It’s a lovely way to end our day and neither of us feels put out. Why don’t you both do it together?
Good grief, two adults spending something like two hours on getting two children to bed every evening? Fuck. That.
SoupDragon · 30/12/2020 11:32

I assume if I point outthat the OP didn't have the night off...

She had the night off from the two jobs under discussion.

FestiveStuffing · 30/12/2020 11:38

Why do you feel you need to 'gain' something when it involves your toddler's bedtime? This is so sad and such a strange way to view things.

Because her sister is looking after the toddler for the night. Babysitting generally involves gain for the parents, or no one would do it. Last time our toddler was babysat, DH and I gained an evening out away from them. Sad, I know. We should just spend every evening at home gratefully basking in our good fortune to have children at all.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2020 11:42

@ToffeePennie

What? Why don’t you both do it? We put our toddler and 6 year old to bed every night and it’s both of us. So I go up with the toddler, get his PJs on, by which time my husband has persuaded mr6 into his PJs. Teeth brushed together, then everyone into the toddlers room for a story, toddler into bed, we all sing songs, mr6 has cuddles, then DH and then me, I put lullabies on Alexa and we close his stairgate and leave. (He is 3, and can open our front door onto a main road / which is why we have a stairgate) Then we go into oldest room. He has 30/45 mins of a story, reads 10 mins of a story to us, then I put an audio book on Alexa show for him and we sing songs, have cuddles and go downstairs. It’s a lovely way to end our day and neither of us feels put out. Why don’t you both do it together?
Which is fine if that works for you but I can state categorically no one would get to bed if we're did this type a 5 yo and 1 year old twins. It's also nice for each child to have some 121 time with the parent doing bed. Also curious as to what time you start this - most of us do not have two hours for us to both do bedtime every night
D4rwin · 30/12/2020 11:43

No need to be sanctimonious bowerbird but it's stretching the truth a bit to say it's a chore isn't it?

ToffeePennie · 30/12/2020 11:51

@SleepingStandingUp we start at 6pm, then my littlest is in bed by 6:15, we leave the oldest at 7pm. Which is only an hour start to finish.

inappropriateraspberry · 30/12/2020 11:58

Does it really matter? You are a family and a team. Why do you have to take it in turns? Why not just do whatever is easiest that day?
I couldn't be arsed trying to keep track like that!

dontdisturbmenow · 30/12/2020 12:01

This is such addressing thread. Parenting uis hard, we know that, but to get to the point of arguing and counting days, looking forward to the days of putting the easiest child to bed is so sad.

Is it all really just a chore?

MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2020 12:01

15 minutes to get your toddler into PJs, teeth done (presumably a toilet visit or nappy change too), story and sing songs (plural)...

That’s not even mentioning the older one’s timings potentially being longer than the 45 minutes you have allotted.

Bing765 · 30/12/2020 12:03

The way I see it is that you alternate putting the todler to bed because the todler is the hardest to settle. That in turn dictates who puts the baby to bed. If the todler isn't there, then that doesn't change who's turn it is to put the todler to bed when they return.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 30/12/2020 12:08

OP got a night off from BEDTIMES. BF doesn’t factor into that aspect unless her DH can whip his nips out and feed the baby.

The real tragedy here is waiting 2 hours for a take away. I’d be in tears Grin

bloodyhairy · 30/12/2020 12:12

I gave up reading, sorry, but I remember these tit-for-tat situation when ours were small. We're divorced now Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2020 12:15

@MiddleClassProblem

15 minutes to get your toddler into PJs, teeth done (presumably a toilet visit or nappy change too), story and sing songs (plural)...

That’s not even mentioning the older one’s timings potentially being longer than the 45 minutes you have allotted.

Exactly so poor toddler gets effectively 5-10 minutes of rushed bedtime songs and the older one gets 45 minutes.
ineedaholidaynow · 30/12/2020 13:25

One of the most important things you can do for a child's development is to read to them from a very early age. As most people do this at bedtime it is a shame if they see this as a chore. Studies also show that it is very important that any adult males in the house model good reading behaviour.

caringcarer · 30/12/2020 13:33

I know you said light-hearted but really just be firmer with toddler, drink, bath, teeth, 1 story then bed.

OverTheRainbow88 · 30/12/2020 13:35

@Gleps

We argue over bedtime as well, however we
Both want to do bedtime with the 4 year old
As that involved a few books, night night job
Done!

Whereas 2 year old involves a 50min back
Rub battle!

2BDIs · 30/12/2020 13:52

Ahh come on OP. You got away with all bedtime duties last night when your takeaway arrived. Let your hubby have the easier bedtime tonight. Its always better to get the horrible jobs done and out of the way otherwise you are just delaying the inevitable Wink

FestiveStuffing · 30/12/2020 15:34

@ineedaholidaynow

One of the most important things you can do for a child's development is to read to them from a very early age. As most people do this at bedtime it is a shame if they see this as a chore. Studies also show that it is very important that any adult males in the house model good reading behaviour.
Oh, give over. It doesn't matter if it's a chore, as long as it gets done. That's true with a lot of parenting- not everyone enjoys the repetitive monotony that children like. For instance, earlier today my toddler wanted me to get her dolls house figurine to cook dinner and then answer the dolls house door to another dolls house figure. She had me do it upwards of fifteen times in a row before I excused myself to make lunch. I did not enjoy it. I do not enjoy playing with toddlers and babies in general because of the repetition. But I do it and do a passable impression of enjoying it. In the spirit of full disclosure, I also don't particularly relish changing nappies and breastfeeding. It isn't necessary to love every aspect of parenting.
Norwayreally · 30/12/2020 15:50

Your turn because you had a night off last night.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2020 15:54

@Norwayreally

Your turn because you had a night off last night.
But the DH also had a night off of having to get up with the toddler in the morning. And she still had to BF the baby.