Whose turn was it?

[Gleps]

Every night me and DH alternate who puts the toddler to bed and who puts the baby to bed. Baby is much easier than the toddler who tries every delay tactic possible during toilet, teeth and story time.

Two nights ago I put the toddler to bed and DH put the baby to bed. Last night toddler stayed at my sisters house. (We’ve bubbled up due to the having a baby under 1 year old rule). I’d ordered takeaway for my dinner and it arrived after 2 hours, right as the baby needed to go to bed. So DH did it begrudgingly.

So tonight it gets to bed time and DH tries to say that it’s my turn to put the toddler to bed as he put the baby to bed the night before. I’m like nooo putting the toddler to bed is your job tonight as I did it last.

We’re having a very light hearted debate about this and decided to turn to mumsnet to settle the argument. So:

Yabu- it was my turn to put the toddler to bed
Yanbu- it was Dh’s turn to put the toddler to bed

I'm sad for your toddler having two parents who are arguing over not doing bedtime

No you're not...you're lying for dramatic effect. You should have just written 'I need attention'.

@Seeline there's always one 🙄It's obviously a lighthearted thread and I'm sure that the op does enjoy (parts of) putting the toddler to bed. Know what you mean about delay tactics though we are currently battling this and appear to be currently winning. Though I put him to bed, bugger off to b feed the baby and then toddler gets up and bugs his Dad.

It's his turn

We only had one DC so we would both read to them most nights. One would do the actual bedtime routine whilst the other cooked/tidied up, and then would nip up to read a book before lights out. If DC was being a pain then we would share the wrangling which is fine when there's ONE. Take it fr someone who has three
Divide and conquer.
Divide and conquer

@Bookworming I suppose it is not something I would ever think about doing, but as I said it is probably due to where we live. If we had more takeaways or something like Deliveroo was available in our area then maybe we would. But when you live in a one takeaway area which you have to pick up too, rather than being delivered, it would be odd to eat at different times!

@Bowerbird5

Poor kids. My DH worked away from home for 35 years. I put our 4 children to bed most nights. I never felt it was a chore. I read to them for at least half an hour each night after Some people like one of my sisters would love to be able to put children to bed.

Some people but not your husband who choose not to be there most nights? Poor kids.

@Cuppachino

I'm sad for your toddler having two parents who are arguing over not doing bedtime

No you're not...you're lying for dramatic effect. You should have just written 'I need attention'.

I love you.

Oh dear, well either of you should put both children to bed. I always took both of my children to bed. It's a lovely thing to do. and not a chore at all. I have never heard of people discussing who takes which child to bed before.

It's a lovely thing to do.

With mine it is. Didn't used to be. I'd happily lend her to other parents (with biddable children) to teach an important lesson in not being a twat.

Your dh did the harder job last night (baby vs. nothing) so you get the harder job tonight (toddler vs. baby).

@1forAll74

Oh dear, well either of you should put both children to bed. I always took both of my children to bed. It's a lovely thing to do. and not a chore at all. I have never heard of people discussing who takes which child to bed before.

So you and your DH both room each child to bed? Who looked after the other one whilst you were putting the first one to bed? If DH and I both take the eldest to bed, who has our 1 yo twins for the hour bedtime he likes?

Defo your turn why do you think it's not 😂😂

@Stompythedinosaur

Your dh did the harder job last night (baby vs. nothing) so you get the harder job tonight (toddler vs. baby).

Only if two babies = one toddler, which it doesn't sound like.

Baby algebra is hard though.

Gee, @Bowerbird5, did you have to walk 2 miles barefoot through the snow to read to them, too? I'm thrilled that you handled it all so very well, but have a bit of empathy for someone with a difficult child. One of mine was ADHD, and bedtime was a battle. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

@1forAll74

Oh dear, well either of you should put both children to bed. I always took both of my children to bed. It's a lovely thing to do. and not a chore at all. I have never heard of people discussing who takes which child to bed before.

Depends on the kid, doesn't it? And whether it's a case of reading a story, tucking in and leaving (easy) or waiting around until they fall asleep, which can take an absolute age if they're dicking about.

Our toddler is currently falling asleep in about five to ten minutes when we get the bedtime right, but when she's overtired DH and I often end up swapping two or even three times before she's asleep because it can take well over an hour. The one not on duty with the toddler waits downstairs with the baby (too young to go up to bed on their own so they stay downstairs with us until we go up to bed ourselves).

We also (shock, horror!) take turns with newborn poo nappy changes where possible (obviously I do the lion's share because I'm on mat leave and therefore home the most). No doubt someone will come on shortly to say it's so sad for my newborn that we view wiping its poo-covered bottom as a chore and how much they enjoyed doing it when they had babies.

Rock, scissors, paper is easy and quick, it probably works out 50 50 in the end, and it avoids petty arguments

We also (shock, horror!) take turns with newborn poo nappy changes where possible (obviously I do the lion's share because I'm on mat leave and therefore home the most)
Golly @FestiveStuffing do you not do it all together? How can you possibly bear to not do it all together whilst relishing every sloppy swipe of a squirming bum?

What? Why don’t you both do it? We put our toddler and 6 year old to bed every night and it’s both of us.
So I go up with the toddler, get his PJs on, by which time my husband has persuaded mr6 into his PJs. Teeth brushed together, then everyone into the toddlers room for a story, toddler into bed, we all sing songs, mr6 has cuddles, then DH and then me, I put lullabies on Alexa and we close his stairgate and leave. (He is 3, and can open our front door onto a main road / which is why we have a stairgate)
Then we go into oldest room. He has 30/45 mins of a story, reads 10 mins of a story to us, then I put an audio book on Alexa show for him and we sing songs, have cuddles and go downstairs. It’s a lovely way to end our day and neither of us feels put out. Why don’t you both do it together?

It’s definitely your turn, and you know it.

@ToffeePennie I sure every parent in the land will learn so much from you relaying your bedtime routine for your children.

Unless of course they do things differently in their homes with their children,

🙄

Your turn, because you had the night off.

@Beautiful3 she had the night off, apart from breastfeeding during the night! At least every four hours.

Not really much of a night off.

@ToffeePennie

What? Why don’t you both do it? We put our toddler and 6 year old to bed every night and it’s both of us. So I go up with the toddler, get his PJs on, by which time my husband has persuaded mr6 into his PJs. Teeth brushed together, then everyone into the toddlers room for a story, toddler into bed, we all sing songs, mr6 has cuddles, then DH and then me, I put lullabies on Alexa and we close his stairgate and leave. (He is 3, and can open our front door onto a main road / which is why we have a stairgate) Then we go into oldest room. He has 30/45 mins of a story, reads 10 mins of a story to us, then I put an audio book on Alexa show for him and we sing songs, have cuddles and go downstairs. It’s a lovely way to end our day and neither of us feels put out. Why don’t you both do it together?

Because their kid won't fall asleep on his own like yours do? Imagine if you will, that after you close the stairgate and leave, Mr 3 gets up from his bed and starts whining, which then progresses to screaming. And the only way you can keep him in bed (short of ignoring him until he collapses on the floor in a pitiful heap and cries himself to sleep, which many parents would consider cruel) is to sit with him until he falls asleep. Imagine that him falling asleep can take upwards of an hour. Now, are you keeping the six year old up until the toddler falls asleep, or are you sending one parent to put the six year old to bed while the other stays with the toddler?

@Bookworming you seem quite stressed by this and taking it very to heart so I can only assume you are bfing at the moment.

We don’t know how they divide anything else up and breastfeeding info came later but I’m still not sure how it is relevant unless they literally list everything they do.

She had a night off from putting the kids to bed.

This is a lighthearted thread and you seemed to think lighthearted comments about takeaways are judgemental. Other than the ones who claim neglect or that bedtime is a dream and should be for everyone (both of which are probably just enjoying winding people up) you seem to be the main person not taking this as lighthearted. She’s breastfeeding. We get it.

@MiddleClassProblem I'm mid 50s and hardly likely to be breastfeeding!

It was a light hearted thread but the OP has still had accusations of "arguing about putting the children to bed", "how sad for the toddler".

I'm just against the ridiculous projection and assumption that parents only ever fight and argue about every little thing. They don't.

I'm still laughing at your assumption I'm breastfeeding though! I must tell DH, he'll be amazed!