I'm absolutely boiling angry and hurt and I have no idea if I'm being irrational or not - I need your help!
I have had a friend - let's call her J - for 5 years. We are really close, our kids have grown up together and we spend a lot of time together.
J is very pretty, however, she likes people to tell her she is pretty, alot. She initiates conversations all that time that encourage people to tell her she is attractive.
This often extends to her friends husbands. She private messages quite a lot of them and sends photos on Snapchat of her in bikinis, gym gear etc. This has actually caused a number of arguments in the group between some of the wives and their husbands.
About 6 months ago I saw a message thread on my dhs phone from her. In these messages he had said something like "I missed you today", from when he had been somewhere with the group and she hadn't been there.
I won't sugar coat it, I hit the roof about this. I told him he was behaving like an absolute mug, fawning over her when she has done the same thing to a number of the husbands and caused arguments. I asked dh if he had feelings for her and he said no. I told him I won't stand for any more inappropriate messages in future.
Fast forward to this week. We had been on a socially distanced visit with them to another friends garden. When we got home it was late and I went up to bed. Dh stayed downstairs.
I have found out that he messaged J again. He initiated it. All he says is he asked her if she had a good night but apparently can't remember the rest of the conversation and conveniently he has deleted it from his phone.
We have had a huge argument again. I have told him I'm disgusted that he has so little regard for my feelings that he would rather mesaage her and cause me hurt and upset.
I'm also concerned as to why he just can't stop messaging her when he knows the trouble it causes in our marriage.
Please help. Am I being unreasonable? Should I stop being jealous or worried?