Can you tell if someone is privately educated?

[bye2020]

Without knowing what school they went to?

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

I'd think yes but my friends the exception. She lives in a council flat and claims benefits (doesn't work). She is common as muck but was privately educated in Oxford. She is lovely though.

Hahahaha I’m glad I’m not your friend. That wasn’t a joke either

Only if they take a winter ski-ing holiday, wear loafers and like rugby.

You can generally spot someone who has been to boarding school and posh day schools, not so much the more alternative private schools (my neighbours kids are quite frankly thick and "common" despite the £16k a year fees at their liberal artsy school, the eldest has finished and is now at the local further education college attempting to get some useful qualifications

@DisgruntledPelican

A colleague once said to me “I can really tell that you went to a private school”

I didn’t, so clearly some people’s radar is a bit off. A lot of posters have mentioned confidence and self-assuredness, which is what my colleague spotted in me. I don’t think I’m arrogant, though. Went to high school in Glasgow.

Interesting point. Because private school carries a certain status. I bet if you were to go along with it they would tell you why they know you went to private (even though you didn’t). I bet her face was a picture when you told her.

Even the suggestion that you can tell is a bit silly I think the majority of the time you can’t.

@NoPinkPlease

When I meet overconfident or over-promoted people professionally, I tend to assume they did. I'm not 100% right but I'm not far off

I hate generalisations but I tend to agree with this. Some of the most over promoted people I have seen were from influential /wealthy backgrounds and absolutely wouldn’t have made it otherwise.

Not unless you mean Eton. You can always spot them because they are charming, polite and confident,as are many people from many backgrounds. Then they sit down to eat, and they eat like farm hands - shovel the food in with any available implement, and are finished in five minutes.

I never told anyone at my last job that I went to private school because the people there loathed private education. Interestingly they were fine with selective state schools, faith schools, paying tutors to help their children get into the top sets and paying vast amounts to live in the catchment of good schools.

@Tootletum

Not unless you mean Eton. You can always spot them because they are charming, polite and confident,as are many people from many backgrounds. Then they sit down to eat, and they eat like farm hands - shovel the food in with any available implement, and are finished in five minutes.

You are being sarcastic, right?

Oh and dp did you can tell, he assumed I did but I didn't, he says that he was surprised I went to a failing comp because I'm very self assured.

My experience of etonians (the younger ones - actually under say 35) is not ‘charming polite and confident’ think there’s quite a generational thing going on with that school. It’s interesting and quite marked in my experience.

I went to boarding school. You wouldn't realise if you met me!

rugby = private, football = state

This is just not true. All the state schools in my local area played rugby. I know people who went to to boys private schools in Surrey who played football.

Last year, I was taken, by my dd, into a room where about a dozen of her firends were sitting, chatting. 2 of them stood up as I came in.

Later, in a completely different context, Private Schools came into our conversation and she said a couple of the lads went to Private school. Straight away, I asked if it were X and Y (the 2 that stood up, automatically, as I entered the room).
It was.

Now, I'm not saying this is a fool proof method, but I think it was quite a telling sign.

There are many who could get away with possibly being to a state school but some like out prime minister who would have never made it through a state school and come out like he is

Then they sit down to eat, and they eat like farm hands - shovel the food in with any available implement, and are finished in five minutes

Isn’t this a hangover from boarding school days? Making sure you eat quickly enough to go for seconds?

Yes it’s old fashioned manners. In a similar vein I have a male friend who when we are eating together never closes his knife and fork until I’ve finished eating. I thought it was really odd the first few times then I realised it must be a manners thing, as in you don’t leave your dining companion eating alone type thing.

Gosh there's some nastiness on this thread.

I can tell most of the time.

It’s quite interesting, it’s acceptable to regurgitate tired old tropes about private school
In a way most never would about state schools

Lol yes they’ll tell you

@toconclude that’s nice but I’m not sure why you’ve shared that with me particularly?

Two of my closest friends did and my DH did too. They’re not posh in the slightest and you’d never be able to tell them apart from anyone else. They definitely don’t go on about it either.

rugby = private, football = state

Definitely not true. DH played football and they played against the other local private school teams. It was far more popular than rugby.

@HermioneMakepeace

My friends who went to public school all seem to keep their school friends way into adulthood. And talk about school incessantly when they meet up.

My friends who went to state school on the other hand, tend not to hang out with people they went to school with and rarely mention their schooldays.

@HermioneMakepeace totally the opposite in my friendship circle! Ex-state school still have annual reunions, are all close and still tell tales of school. Ex-private only have a very small number of close friends from school days.

I think it varies massively by age. Spotting a teenager currently at private school? Yes. Spotting a university student who has just left one? Yes, with a higher error margin. Once you get to 30, it’s people’s true personalities which are showing, not the persona their school imparted on them. These days the only ones who stand out to me turn out to have gone to Eton/Harrow/Westminster.

There’s also a massive difference between the “you’ll know because they tell you” and the “dirty secret” type of private school attendee!

DD has been to 3 state schools and 2 private schools.
Her observations are that there is much less respect for the teachers in the state schools. She was shocked the way pupils spoke to the teacher in her y6 primary. She would come home and say "pupils would never have dared to speak to the teacher like that (in her previous private school). They would have got an instant de-merit." She then went onto the local comp, and was shocked even more. Now she's back in a private (weekly boarding) school and she says its just a so much calmer environment.

DS won a bursary to a posh full boarding school, but mixes perfectly well with his local friends from state schools.

I would like to think neither of my dc would be pigeon-holed by what schools they went to.