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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he punishing me?

112 replies

Werk · 27/12/2020 13:30

I received an alert via the Covid app that I had been in contact with a positive case and have to isolate. I got it on Christmas Eve and have to isolate until New Year's Eve.

The only place I can think I have got it is the post office - I went last Monday to send some Christmas presents (we moved into tier 4 so our plans changed) and I was in a huge queue - inside for more than half an hour. We had isolated from 11th Dec as our plans were to stay with MIL for Christmas (but that changed on 19th when we moved into tier 4). I also went into the food shop Cook to get some meals for an old neighbour who could no longer see her family and a newsagent to get a newspaper and magazine for her - all on 21st when the app says I was exposed. I was out of the house over an hour.

DH is furious. He made me go through everywhere I had been and was asking me whether I had seen someone I shouldn't have (I haven't- I have stuck to the rules).

We had no plans anyway but we go out with the DC for at least an hour a day - especially with my eldest who is a bundle of energy and needs to spend time outside. Just to the park or for a walk or bike ride- nothing major.

DC broke up from school on 11th Dec and we both worked from home W/c 14th Dec - I am PT but he is FT so I had been the one taking them out each day for their exercise - some days twice, usually 2hrs in total.

DH has refused to take them both out at the same time whilst I am unable to leave the house. He will only take one at a time because he doesn't see why I should get the privilege of being alone for an hour or two when I have been reckless Hmm (I was posting presents to his family too FFS). I feel this is cutting off his nose to spite his face - he was freezing the other day because he was out for about 3hrs overall.

He worked FT from 14th Dec - Christmas Eve and has next week off but he is now angry because we cannot go out for walks etc and I have "ruined" his holiday. He never takes annual leave - the only other leave he took this year he managed to coincide with DC being at school in September. All my leave has been used looking after DC. It wouldn't surprise me if he cancels his leave and works instead because I have spoiled everything.

I feel like he is punishing me - AIBU? I have spent basically one hour away from my DC and in that time I was exposed to Covid!! It is just as annoying for me too as I am on leave next week as well and I cannot even go out for a walk or a run.

OP posts:
2020iscancelled · 27/12/2020 14:39

Oh wow.

Seriously he sounds vile.

Ok he’s slightly annoyed when he first finds out... maybe we all would be. But then you get over it and realise that it’s just life and it’s happened and you have to crack on....

You don’t ruminate over it, punish and try to shame someone.

This is terrible behaviour. Is he always this nasty? I guess from the issue you’ve given about his “holiday” arrangements - you doing all the childcare etc that he is inherently self centred and down right vicious.

unmarkedbythat · 27/12/2020 14:39

Christ, what a piece of shit.

Plussizejumpsuit · 27/12/2020 14:39

This is awful. Is he normally such a bully?

huuskymam · 27/12/2020 14:40

I wouldn't be bothered about ruining his holidays, I'd be more concerned that he won't take his 2 kids so you can get out of the house for an hour,but yet he can go for as long as he likes. He's an self centered arsehole.

Butchyrestingface · 27/12/2020 14:42

DH has refused to take them both out at the same time whilst I am unable to leave the house. He will only take one at a time because he doesn't see why I should get the privilege of being alone for an hour or two when I have been reckless hmm (I was posting presents to his family too FFS).

What a loathsome wee man. Angry

MiddlesexGirl · 27/12/2020 14:42

At least you get twice the amount of time without him!

LumpyPillow · 27/12/2020 14:43

@Stompythedinosaur

He sounds like a cunt.
Exactly this. There is nothing rational or normal about any of his behaviours towards you or the situation that you have described. Miserable, controlling and almost hysterical. You deserve better, and you know it.
TwilightSkies · 27/12/2020 14:44

He’s a cruel dickhead!
I take it he has form for treating you horribly, that’s why you’re on here asking whether his behaviour is wrong. You’re so used to it, your sense of reality is skewed.

Ilovenewyear · 27/12/2020 14:45

@Terracottasaur

Give yourself a late Christmas present and divorce the cunt
This ☝️
Thehop · 27/12/2020 14:46

Are you planning to stay with this whopping cock nostril for much longer OP? He doesn’t seem to even like you or your kids much.

ZippedyDooDa · 27/12/2020 14:51

Yes he is.
He sound a selfish entitled twat.
Why are you with him?

THIS. Sorry OP, he sounds dreadful. Why live like this?

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2020 14:52

And, lo, another example of a woman putting up with a shit relationship.

AmberItsACertainty · 27/12/2020 14:55

So he's sulking because he's having to do some parenting? He's an arse. It's a sign of a bigger problem though. What's going to happen if you get sick in a long term way? Or if you're 80 and you fall and break your hip? Will it be your fault for malingering? Or being so reckless as to try to go to the shop at your age? Would he refuse to clean the house or cook for you as punishment?

Mmn654123 · 27/12/2020 14:55

I’d bet he can’t cope with having more than one of his children in his care at a time. Maybe he isn’t able to manage them. Maybe the rest of his behaviour is designed to conceal that fact. Is he perhaps attacking you as a way to make that less obvious? When was the last time he took them out without you?

MacDuffsMuff · 27/12/2020 14:56

OP, when your isolation period finishes I would plan to be isolated from him for good. What a fucking arsehole.

oakleaffy · 27/12/2020 14:57

Jeez.
And this is WHY people are not downloading the apps.

You cannot be blamed.
So many asymptomatic carriers about, how could you know where you might have been breathing same air ?
Shop queues were a nightmare before Christmas.
No one keeping distance and coughers were in shops.

FinallyHere · 27/12/2020 14:57

@Mmn654123 said what I immediately thought: he isn't used to parenting, he actively avoids having to parent and really resents not being able to avoid it now.

Time to get your ducks in a row. Use those hours to take photos of his financials and get a plan together.

Shoxfordian · 27/12/2020 14:57

He sounds like a knob
Divorce him

SnowyOwlWan · 27/12/2020 14:58

wow, he's making a really difficult situation that isn't your fault a whole lot worse.

He sounds a nightmare. The opposite of supportive.

madcatladyforever · 27/12/2020 14:58

What an utter twat because naturally you couldn't wait to contract covid and be really ill.
I'd get your divorce petition in asap because he sounds like a massive knob end and not a keeper.
If he's got it he would have expected to be looked after.
How does he think us people in the NHS feel everyday - can't wait to get covid so we don't have to look after our kids and can spend a week in bed.
Selfish tosser. I'm furious for you.

CoffeeCreamandSugar · 27/12/2020 14:59

Yes it sounds like he is punishing you. He sounds like a right bundle of joy Flowers

Mmn654123 · 27/12/2020 15:00

@FinallyHere
Indeed.

I think you should insist he does 100% of the childcare for the rest of the Christmas break so he can get to know his children. Including providing them with meals and clean clothes and baths.

Call it role reversal. He can pretend you’ve gone out to work.

And if he refuses, insist. Be even more unreasonable than he is being, if he won’t relent. Tell him he’s a shit dad and he has until January 4th to convince you otherwise.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 27/12/2020 15:01

This is horribly controlling and vindictive behaviour. I’m assuming he has form for being a nasty bastard? Either way this sort of behaviour continues. Once they feel like they can get away with it they keep on.

lilylongjohn · 27/12/2020 15:02

What a horrible horrible individual you have the misfortune of having a relationship with. Let's hope you don't actually get poorly, god knows how he's react and you c a bet he wouldn't look after you.

oakleaffy · 27/12/2020 15:02

@Werk
Your DH sounds a selfish git.

Why on EARTH doesn’t he exercise both at once?
He just sounds mean.

Never heard of exercising two kids separately .
He sounds really petty.