To think that a friend who dropped me 4 years ago and has now made contact again is not sincere?

[Livinginthecity]

My first response is to ignore her like she ignored me 4 years ago. She's just popped up saying she wants to "catch up." Trying to work out if this is some kind of mind game.

MLM was my first thought too. My vote goes to Body Shop at Home, Avon or FM World. I’d just block but if it is MLM you need to block everywhere and hide your friends list on FB too as she’ll be looking to contact everyone you know: “hi Hun, I’m a good friend of @Livinginthecity and I wondered if you would be interested in an opportunity...”

To be honest, after such a long gap I wouldn’t bother responding as it doesn’t sound lke there’s anything to be gained from the friendship, regardless of MLM.

Going against the grain here I would reply just briefly saying everything is fine with you . You hope she's ok too and wish her happy new year . It's polite but with no further expectations.

I had a friend similar to this, it wasn't so much ghosting as I refused to be on the receiving end of her regular shitty behaviour and I walked away, but I told her so at the time. She reconnected about a year later because she'd been soul searching and missed me (had realised she was running out of friends) and I stupidly agreed to meet up. I'd missed her, but I think that says more about my boundaries as a younger woman than it does about her making any changes. She was the same within days, and I couldn't do it to myself anymore, so I walked away again and I haven't looked back.

In my experience it's either MLM or some sort of life event/reflective thinking at this time of year that makes these people get in touch. If you want to find out what's motivated her I'd totally understand, but be careful and don't get sucked in. It's unlikely to be you she's putting first, it's probably that she's feeling guilty or has realised how few people she has to lean on and so instead of making better relationships going forward she's trying to make it easier for herself by rehashing old ones.

When you say dropped you, did she just not get back to you once? It’s very easy to loose touch with people sometimes.

All depends if you would like a relationship with her or not.

2020 has made a lot of people reevaluate who they are, and also to reach out to previous connections. I'd be less suspicious purely because it's been a shit year.

If you ever enjoyed your friendship and part of you would like to get that back, I'd treat it as genuine.

But, equally, there's no obligation for you to do so. You can decide too much water has gone under the bridge if you want.

We met through a mutual hobby around 2012 and she always seemed like good company at the time. But looking back on it, it seemed like I usually made the arrangements to go somewhere, see a movie etc.

No she didn't get back once in those 4 years.

I'm guessing Younique.

People like that just want to make sure that you haven't achieved more than them. Once they find out whats happening in your life they will move on.

I would be open to it. I would not ghost. There may be all sorts of reasons why she wasn’t in touch. Those reasons be good enough for you, or not. You may judge, or not. People are not perfect and they make mistakes. It’s up to you whether or not you want to give it a go again. I don’t like judging people - I know I’m not without fault myself - so I definitely would give it a go, if she was a good friend in the past.

Maybe respond, it might help you close that chapter on your life ? but don't become overly invested in the friendship.

She’s not your friend. She may have been once but she ended that when she dropped you. Don’t feel under any obligation to respond to her.

Ignore her. I had a needy, functioning alcoholic friend who unfriended me on FB. I assume she was on a bender one evening and unfriended me. When she tried to add me again I refused. No one needs a so called "friend" like these people.

@Livinginthecity if you haven't texted back yet, I"d say in the text, I would love to understand what happened and why you stopped contacting me and then we can catch up.

Just put it right out there. If you don't hear back from her then you know that has no explanation and if she can't explain it then don't pick things back up again like she wants.

And if she gets that text she will know that either needs to explain to you why she stopped contacting you or leave you alone now.

As somebody who did ghost a friend though, I don't think she's a bad person, i don't think i'm perfect, our needs were just really really mismatched at that point.

I may at some point send her a message to say that. Not suggesting any meetup though.

MLM? What’s that?

something to do with cleaning products that people sell to make money I think. Like avon ladies but cleaning stuff.

I think. I'm in Ireland and I once had some woman give out to me because I couldn't give her back a catalogue I had not asked for. I wouldn't expect anybody under 65 to be doing MLM though.

MLM, begging, or other vested interest was my first thought.

But my second thought is she might have been in an abusive relationship and just got out. A happy image means nothing on Facebook, the abuser can control that.

Sounds to me like she moved away and you were out of sight, out of mind. Now she’s moved back to the area, she’s feeling nostalgic and she wants a trip down memory lane. Up to you whether you’re happy to indulge her or not.

Best case scenario, it may rekindle a lovely friendship that you can strengthen and improve.

Or she may feel satisfied enough after one catch-up, and never be in touch again.

It all depends how that would make you feel and whether you are willing to take that risk.

I’d see what she wants. If she apologises a s there’s a reason why she behaved the way she did then, depending on the sort of friend she was before, I’d give the friendship another go.

I lost touch with a friend, the last time she got in touch to ask how I was I was severely mentally ill but didn’t want to try and explain over email. Then too much time passed and I didn’t feel I could pick up as if nothing happened, so we drifted apart. Then, earlier this year, a mutual friend died and it gave me the kick I needed not to lose more friends - I got in touch and apologised (and explained), and we’ve had some lovely chat ups since.

Apologies! I added my post to the wrong topic. How do I delete?

Similar thing happened to me many years ago. Friends for 15 years, went on holiday, and so on. She stayed with me many times. One day we had a (seemingly) trivial argument and she wrote to say she did not want to see me for a few weeks." I left it 6 weeks then phoned her. We chatted like old times and she told me she was moving house. I said "Let me get a pen and you can give me your new number," She said "Lets leave it" and hung up. I wrote her again and asked her to meet up and discuss out differences but she refused, I then relised that our disagreement had not been trivial to her. She had taken things very much to heart.

Many years later she contacted me via FB with a "How are you? Long time, no see." I blocked her, Ive moved on from the friendship and dont want to go through that again.