To think that a friend who dropped me 4 years ago and has now made contact again is not sincere?

[Livinginthecity]

My first response is to ignore her like she ignored me 4 years ago. She's just popped up saying she wants to "catch up." Trying to work out if this is some kind of mind game.

Text her back in 4 years.

@TammyHullfigure

is MLM something to do with bondage?

It’s multi level marketing Aka-a massive con or pyramid selling

Notwithstanding bashfulclam’s genius solution, I’d probably be waiting 4 years to reply.

I find that people who do this generally do it purely for their own convenience and will drop you again as soon as it suits. I don't have time for them unless they can come up with a sincere reason and apology for what they did.
i have a "friend" who has done this twice. You'll know when she currently has no viable friends as she'll message me. I just ignore her now.

Lol @TammyHullfigure - it's those crappy sales pyramid schemes like Younique, juice whatsit and such like - sell to everyone you know type thing

From personal experience, it didn't end well. I would expect some sort of plausible explanation for the ghosting, otherwise no dice. In my case, the problems that had existed before were still there, and resulted in an unpleasant fallout. I should have listened to my inner voice that said I shouldn't go there.

I ghosted a friend about two years ago because she was too needy and I had more children, a job, I felt like i was going round in circles. she had one child and didn't work and got offended when I didn't respond. I do wish that I'd at least tried to re-frame the friendship but I didn't, I ghosted her. I still think of her though and still think about the things I did like about her. But she might tell me to fuck off if I got in touch so I just leave it.

Reply Who dis?

@ScrapThatThen

It's just seasonal nostalgia, ignore

yes, this.

Send her a reply saying coffee would be great, you’ve checked your diary and you can make time for her in Dec 2024, does that sound ok?

Was she a good friend? Would you like the friendship back? Perhaps she regrets her behaviour and will change. If I missed the friendship I would have a chat and take it from there probably easy to see if she is sincere or not.

Maybe I'm ridiculously naive but I'd probably just think it was nice of her to get in touch and be pleasant and happy to catch up. Friendships can wax and wane for a myriad of reasons but I'd gladly be back in touch with people I've not spoken to for years.

I think you're right. Life's too short. She did have "use and lose" traits. Something she did with men but I guess you can do the same with friends. Her sisters don't speak to her so something must be wrong.

I would give it a go - unless you have a strong reason to not trust her. I was contacted by an old friend who realised that she’d let many friendships go due to a relationship - she realised how much her friendships had meant to her and wanted to resume contact ... we’re there big changes in her life then or now?

My first thought was MLM. I kinda want you to reply/stalk on FB to see if we're all right!!

@custardbear

Lol *@TammyHullfigure* - it's those crappy sales pyramid schemes like Younique, juice whatsit and such like - sell to everyone you know type thing

Oh Whoops! Misjudged that. Should have googled it first

I had this situation with a best friend. We were in daily contact. She “ghosted” me for about 6 weeks and then randomly replied to my message from 6 weeks before as if I’d just sent it. Turned out she was in a new relationship. She went from daily contact to ignoring me for months at a time. After about 6 months she sent me a profusely apologetic message saying how she’d been an awful friend and had put me last and her boyfriend ahead of everyone and she felt so guilty and would never do it again etc etc We back and forthed for 20 mins or so and it turned out she’d only got in contact to slag off a mutual friend of ours (who after realising she was being ghosted too, ditched her and let her know). As soon as she had my sympathy, she ghosted me again immediately. As in 3 back and forth messages one afternoon after 6 months then I replied and she buggered off again.

I didn’t hear from her for over an entire year. After the year, I was so hurt I’d blocked her on all socials. She started texting after a year like we’d never been out of touch saying she suddenly thought of me but couldn’t find me on FB/Insta/Twitter etc. I ignored her.

She ended up messaging me on fucking LinkedIn. Breezy, jokey, Merry as anything.

She’d been my best friend. We’d previously lived together. Stayed up chatting into the wee small hours. Couldn’t go a day without at least texting - usually initiated by her. Then nada for the best part of two years. In which time, I’d adjusted to the hurt of being ditched and the rejection and pain of what was more like a sister treating me like I know longer existed and needed no response or explanation. She’d treated me like I was nothing, I’d got over it then bang she appears like a bloody pantomime fairy godmother and I’m supposed to bow down in gratitude?!

I sent her a polite message saying that, given she’d broke contact such a long time ago, I’d accepted she no longer wanted to maintain a friendship with me, I’d grieved, moved on and didn’t feel a friendship was in my best interests moving forward. I hoped she’d understand and wished her a bright, happy future.

She slagged me off to high heaven online. All this stuff about “arbitrary rules and policing of friendship” “didn’t realise there was a time limit” “how immature!”. Got all the “huns” agreeing with her.

Honestly, looking back she was a really toxic, insecure, unhappy, destructive and at times psychopathic in levels of narcissism and lack of empathy. I’m a lot better off without her and I’ve never looked back. Her name sometimes comes up and apparently she’s not got close friends anymore, still picks internet fights and slags off supposed “friends” online all due to her jealousy of other people’s success.

Don’t open yourself up to any future hurt. Friends don’t ditch friends with no explanation for years on end.

I think I'd reply just to see what she wanted. I dont think I could help myself.

Depends. If the message was something like "I am so sorry I ghosted you. I was having a mental health breakdown" (or other plausible explanation) and the person was a good friend before that, I would reply and try to build the friendship up. If it was a "hi how are you!" kind of message, I'd probably ignore.

I've been in your situation. My 'friend' cancelled our holiday plans (which were booked and paid for) with no explanation and then deleted me from social media. It was the most random thing ever. We were very close and had been for years. Had no argument or falling out, she just cut me off!

I accepted it and moved on and then 3 years letter she contacted me asking to meet for a coffee. I was dubious but went along to see what she had to say for herself. I was expecting an apology and an explanation but got neither. She sat there chatting like we'd just seen each other the week before and nothing had happened. She didn't even acknowledge it!

I said very little the whole time and when we were leaving, she said, 'we need to keep in touch'. I told her to take care and never spoke to her again. That was 2 years ago. She has since tried to add me back on social media but I declined.

If you want an explanation then you have nothing to lose by meeting up. If you don't get what you need/want from it them cut her loose.

Yeah I'd need to know too. But I'm really nosy!

The message was it's been a while. Would love to catch up. I am kind of curious while being suspicious at the same time.

I know that she left the area and now appears to have moved back. Seen it on FB.

I had a similar thing happen. Best friend of a few years, we had started to drift away due to going to uni and meeting new friends.

She started to get a bit mean and judgemental towards me as though she felt superior. Kept making plans and then cancelling at the last minute or ghosting me.
So I stopped communicating with her. A few years later she gets back in touch being really friendly and positive. We arrange to meet up and guess what!? She bloody ghosts me again.

Then a year later she tried again, but by then I'd completely ignored her.

That sounds weird behaviour. I reckon she'll most likely dump me again.