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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to celebrate DCs achievements

95 replies

Iamboudicca · 27/12/2020 09:52

Without it seeming smug?

DC is just 5 and an able child. They surprise me everyday with how quickly they learn.

For example yesterday they tried Monopoly for the first time. They loved it, could read the chance cards and manage the money... and had the whole thing worked out by the third lap of the board!

But I can’t even mention this to most friends as it just sounds smug and boastful but AIBU to want to celebrate their achievements occasionally?

OP posts:

Ileanna · 27/12/2020 09:55

I don't think it sounds smug, I like hearing peoples good news and positive stories, I think it's lovely. Your child sounds really intelligent and switched on, I think it's great how quickly s/he picked it up.

Clymene · 27/12/2020 09:57

They're only 5 - realistically how many achievements could they have?

Put it on Facebook- then people who find that sort of thing annoying can scroll on by.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/12/2020 09:59

Why do you need to celebrate your child playing a board game with your friends? I'm generally confused.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2020 10:03

How interesting do you think it would be for your friends to hear 'dc played a board game.'?

I recall when I was child free sitting at a canteen at work, and a woman who had a toddler was regaling us with anecdotes such as 'Tommy had a drink yesterday from a sippy cup.' And I remember lane incredulous thinking how on earth does she think that's interesting to anyone else.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 27/12/2020 10:04

Depends how it's framed. 'Really enjoyed playing Monopoly with DS, he's growing up quick!' is fine. 'DS is sooo advanced, playing Monopoly at 5 when it's aimed at 8+, he's going to Oxford for sure!' is boastful.

People should share achievements. But you should also be mindful. I have both ends of the spectrum... A bright 7yo, things come easily, eloquent, easy to talk to. And a shy, quiet 9yo with additional educational needs, whose achievements are relatively small academically, but has great practical skills. Honestly... Reading about her peers reading the Hunger Games or learning their 15times table hurts. Even reading the instructions on a game card. But I want my friends to be proud of their kids. And they all celebrated with me when she managed a few pages of the Worst Witch at 8yo.

Be proud of your son. Share his successes. But don't boast.

Terracottasaur · 27/12/2020 10:05

I completely understand the impulse to do this OP because my son is only 3.5 weeks old and I have to restrain myself from the impulse to share how advanced I think he is for totally normal things like focusing on my face. But genuinely, being able to play monopoly is something that would only be if interest to you and possibly a very doting grandparent.

Dozer · 27/12/2020 10:06

You don’t mean ‘celebrate’ you mean ‘tell people about’.

If you have a partner and/or close relatives who also love your DC, talk to them. Not less close relatives/friends/ acquaintances!

IMNOTSHOUTING · 27/12/2020 10:09

Why do you want to tell your friends about it? Lots of DC can do things like that, it's amazing and remarkable to us as parents, possibly to grandparents too, but not in the least bit interesting to anyone else.

I used to have a friend who would tell me in hushed tones that her 18 month old has letter recognition, I didn't really mind but it made for tedious conversation and she always seemed a bit deflated if she found out that other kids who didn't go on to be geniuses could do that at the same age.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/12/2020 10:10

Do you want to celebrate other people’s children’s achievements?

SimplySusanna · 27/12/2020 10:12

The thing is op... Playing a board game isn't really an achievement is it, even if they are a bit younger than the recommended age.

Celebrating actual achievements is fine. Telling everyone each time your child does or learns something entirely mundane is going to have people rolling their eyes at you.

Be proud of him, congratulate him on a good game. Also be wise enough to realise that other adults really won't care that a child played a board game, and keep it to yourself.

PointyDragonPokingThing · 27/12/2020 10:13

Why do you need to tell others?

Tbh I avoid irl (& mute online) people who boast about their children's achievements. It's boring AF.

Halo1234 · 27/12/2020 10:14

I wouldn't tbh. We are all proud of our children and feel good when they learn something new. But it would quickly become competitive and not nice to go around telling our friends their achievements. You can be quietly proud with out being boastful. What if your friends 5 year old is no way near being able to do that. Its not going to be fun to hear how yours is. Its brillant he is brillant (we all think our children are brillant) tell granny and daddy but dont go out your way to tell your friends imo. I would maybe say he is good at board games and we have fun playinging them but won't go into details of how clever he is. Tell him. celebrate it with him and those who love him as much as u do. It makes no difference to his or your life for your friends to know he is clever (they will know if they spend time with him anyway. It doesnt need said).

StacySoloman · 27/12/2020 10:15

Do you have a partner or parents you can share with?
Friends aren’t really interested in your 5yo’s board game skills

This is the kind of thing WhatsApp with grandparents is ideal for.

Sirzy · 27/12/2020 10:15

I am all for celebrating achievements but I think someone boasting because they their child has read a card in monopoly would make most people internally roll their eyes!

Ileanna · 27/12/2020 10:16

A good way you could celebrate your child's achievements is to set up an email account for the child and everytime you want to tell everyone something they've done, learnt, achieved etc email your child. When they're 18 give them the log in details. Continue to email them whenever you're proud of them.

Notonthestairs · 27/12/2020 10:18

I think you can celebrate - by which I'm assuming you mean Facebook - whatever you like. There is no qualifying standard.

But! Don't do it if you are going to be offended if only a handful respond or expect certain responses.

Your life is rarely as interesting as you think it is

DownToTheSeaAgain · 27/12/2020 10:21

There is nothing wrong with celebrating real achievements from time to time but a playing a board game?!?

MrsBobDylan · 27/12/2020 10:23

I have one dc who could read at 5 and two who couldn’t. One of those two learnt to read at the age of 10 and the other, nearly 7 year old, is still working on it. All three have things they do which make me proud on a daily basis and as their Mother, I consider them all bloody amazing

I don’t think I thought my dc who could read was particularly special for that ‘success’ it was just something he could do without much effort.

The people of I know with very bright/advanced kids do everything they can to underplay their dc achievements - they don’t feel the need to ‘celebrate success’ aka ‘boast’.

THisbackwithavengeance · 27/12/2020 10:25

Oh come on, OP.

It's one thing being proud that your DC got a great job, got married, got an oxbridge entrance or did well in exams. We can all forgive the odd FB smug post in those circumstances.

But to boast that your DC could read a Chance card on a game of monopoly?

You will come across as deranged.

jillypill · 27/12/2020 10:26

My youngest got a special certificate at the end of term. I was particularly proud because it was in something she really struggled with.
I gave her lots of praise, put it on the fridge & whatsapped it to the family chat.
I'm not sure how else I could celebrate it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/12/2020 10:26

Occasionally is lovely. I love to hear how other people's children are doing; big awards, small triumphs, good deads etc. I think it's all in the tone, frequency and if you are as interested in others.

ivfbeenbusy · 27/12/2020 10:30

It's not something I'd send to friends but grandparents/immediate family what'sapp group yes. I don't particularly like splashing DD all over Facebook so wouldn't put it on there

Read the thread about "humble bragging " which was posted this week - some people seem to take offence at receiving posts like that in case it makes them feed bad about their own parenting/children's abilities

msmummy20 · 27/12/2020 10:31

You can only do this with bis grandparents. They're the only people who will get it and you can talk to about how advanced your child is. Anyone else - no!

Unless the conversation comes up and someone asks: ' do you play board games ? Does your child enjoy them ? ' ' oh yes definitely he/ she loves monopoly '. Then don't say anything else about how amazing he / she is. Let others see it for themselves and then be super humble about it when they praise him/ her. I would always downplay it too for the child, you don't want them thinking they are extraordinarily special. You want them to know they're very smart and able and that they are very good at some things and not so good at others and that's OK. But that doesn't define who they are. It's more important to treat others nicely and be kind etc. It's not all about achievements or how smart / beautiful they are. They'll feel worthless if they don't achieve and aren't special one day if you focus too much on it when they're small. Just my opinion.

ChalkDinosaur · 27/12/2020 10:31

Can't decide which way to vote because it depends on the context. If you're talking about it with your partner/the DC's GPs, or in conversation with close friends yanbu. If your Facebook is a constant stream of reasons why your DC is amazing yabu.

Porridgeoat · 27/12/2020 10:32

All kids are good at different things and important to value differences and effort rather then being the most advanced at something. You don’t want to end up with a child whose esteem is based on how well he achieves

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