To want to celebrate DCs achievements

[Iamboudicca]

Without it seeming smug?

DC is just 5 and an able child. They surprise me everyday with how quickly they learn.

For example yesterday they tried Monopoly for the first time. They loved it, could read the chance cards and manage the money... and had the whole thing worked out by the third lap of the board!

But I can’t even mention this to most friends as it just sounds smug and boastful but AIBU to want to celebrate their achievements occasionally?

I suspect that "occasionally" is doing a lot of work here...

What will it provide for you? What validation will you feel for sharing it? Because it won't make a difference to your child. Sure, tell a grandparent or aunt or uncle but if you mean posting on social media about how #blessed you are with your super bright prodigy then I'd advise against it. Nobody else cares.

I agree it's all relative.

My niece's son has just said his first word at 4 years old- and she is delighted.
That's worth celebrating!

I don't think it sounds smug, I like hearing peoples good news and positive stories, I think it's lovely.

Me too. I don’t have an issue with this either. My oldest is almost 6, autistic and says three words. I’m happy for any child that achieve or accomplish something no matter how small.

DC is just 5 and an able child. They surprise me everyday with how quickly they learn.

I take it they're your first/only?

The thing is most parents feel that way.

Ime often the difference between the child who is (eg) able to play monopoly and the child who can't at 5yo is opportunity.

The reason why I say I take it they're your first, is that things that we were "Oh wow! Look what dd1 is doing", dd2, who is 3 years younger, did 2-3 years earlier because she was determined not to miss out. Ds sometimes (if it interested him) at 3 years younger still, did things 5+years earlier, than what impressed us with dd1!
It wasn't that dd2/ds were better/more able, simply that they had the opportunity at a point dd1 didn't, and the pull of wanting to do what their sibling was doing.

Also if they start doing something and you act all amazed and as though it's the most brilliant thing in the world, then they want to do it more and will be more likely to succeed. It's a great way of getting them to learn things without they realising.

It depends on how you frame it:
"Had a lovely game of Monopoly, was delighted how quickly dc picked it up. Lovely now they're getting old enough to enjoy games we can all enjoy (did not enjoy the years of Pepper Pig pairs!)"
is nice and sweet, and I'd think was quite a nice thing to say.

"Dc is so clever and amazes us all constantly with their ability to pick up things far beyond their age. Today they played Monopoly with us. Monopoly! For a 5yo! They knew every rule and were even correcting us within a couple of rounds of the board. They even managed to read the words "premium bonds" and "dividends" on the community chest with no help from us. I am astounded. They are going to set the world on fire with their intelligence!"
Is one of those statuses that rubs people up the wrong way, it's just wanting to boast and nothing else. It makes me want to reply what age mine played monopoly. (although I wouldn't. I'd probably ignore the post, and then block them if they did that too often-as I did with a certain relative who posting something very similar to the above)

Save the second one for boasting to the grandparents. Although be aware that they may then repeat it and let the other relatives roll their eyes in private (and suggest a game of monopoly with their carefully trained 3yo in tow...)

People that post things like this get a swift unfollow on FB (not unfriend), your child played a game 🤷‍♂️. I don't even mind the subtle brags that a lot of people post, but this. Not for me. I will guess that you used to post a lot of pictures and status' when they were first born.

Who do you think would be interested? There is a difference between sharing good news like exam results etc with family and close friends and telling everyone and their dog how marvellously intelligent your dc are.

Parents of young children tend to focus on the things that their child is good at compared to others of the same age and just ignore the rest. So, if your child is 'top table' but can't jump (for example), then Facebook boasts only talk about academics.

I never get peoples downers on other folks kids achievements.

Feel proud, boast till your hearts content.

When one of my friends does, I’m happy to hear it. Not because I think it’s hugely interesting but because I know she is proud, loves her child and wants to tell people. So my friendship is the act of listening and being pleased for them.

I simply can’t imagine thinking. “ who gives a fuck, that’s so dull, why would I want to know about your child’s achievements”. But some folks do think that way as evidenced by this thread. The trick is to know your audience.

Witchend puts it very well.

My db and SIL were heavily into promoting their son's genius. Still remember db's insistence that 4yo dn understood play chess- accompanied by proud exclamations of "that was a brilliant move".
-Why? said young dn who had moved his piece completely randomly.

Eventually, dn got very good at undermining his parents' celebration of his talent. He did it with a good deal of humour and gentleness, because he also loved them and didn't want them to be hurt. He was a very talented young man, and quite bright enough to see that this wasn't going to do him any good socially.

@arethereanyleftatall

Parents of young children tend to focus on the things that their child is good at compared to others of the same age and just ignore the rest. So, if your child is 'top table' but can't jump (for example), then Facebook boasts only talk about academics.

Well yes, becayse who wants to feel proud of your child’s difficulties?

He was a very talented young man, and quite bright enough to see that this wasn't going to do him any good socially

Why? Because some folks would be envious and resent him for it? Why is that a reason to hide it?

I'm all for posting things on my social media about my DS's achievements such as winning medals in swimming galas or getting Man of the Match at football as I know my friends and family are interested. I also like seeing these type of things about kids I know. I doubt anyone would be interested in the fact a 5 year old played Monopoly, sorry.

I'm sorry but why is there this constant need to share every fucking thing we or our children do. Nobody is actually interested

I think there is nothing wrong with telling a childless friend/close relation or Betty from next door .However it will sound like a boastfest if you tell his friends mums from School/Beavers or wherever .Be pleased and proud of him but dont overdo it!

Only dad and granny are the slight meat but interested.

There was a lady in the post office telling anyone who would listen that her baby had done something. There were polite nods and smiles but no one gave two hoots. Cringed for her. As a parent of young children you are biologically programmed to really care about this stuff but others aren’t at all interested sorry.

Slightest bit

Nobody cares!

I think it depends on the achievements and just how occasion the sharing is. My mother will regularly tell me with a look of delighted disbelief that my niece is ‘So funny!’ and wax lyrical about the hilarious, so-advanced-for-her-age thing she’s said. I smile and nod, but frankly it sounds like pretty standard daft childhood ramblings to me.

Hmm I don’t really boast much about my DC but I have very different children ( this will now sound like boasting 🤣)

I have one who plays rugby and polo to a very high level bu age 13 and also doing amazing academically. He has a very good shot at making it in a very good university ( if that is what he wants to do as it doesn’t bother me if he does )

I have a DD7 who is academically behind and struggles hugely at school, she also has speech delay amongst other things ( she has had a bad health and over come so much ) she is however very musical and artistic but complete opposite to DS.
She teachers her self piano and drums.

I don’t think I have shared any of this really with things like Social media or to friends etc I do celebrate with the kids and close family members when they make “ big “ achievements.
Always tell them I am proud of then etc but tend not to mention it on things like the school run / dinner with friends unless specifically asked things like “ how is Bob doing with rugby ? “ etc

I think there's a difference between achievements due to effort and practise and time spent and just winning the genetic lottery of being clever with no ASD or other learning difficulties to overcome. One of my dcs gets excellent marks, loves schoolwork etc. The only part of her report I speak about, if asked, are her effort marks. My other DC is also bright but struggles with various ASD traits and always compares themselves unfavourably to their siblings until I point out that their effort marks are the same, or in some cases better on his, since he is not so 'lucky' as sibling.

This is what family Whatsapp groups were made for.

He was a very talented young man, and quite bright enough to see that this wasn't going to do him any good socially

Why? Because some folks would be envious and resent him for it? Why is that a reason to hide it?

Not hide his talents. He's training for a performing profession. He's fine.

Just undermine his parents' attempts to pretend he was uniquely talented at things that, actually, he hadn't really understood all that well, or where he was doing about as well as any other reasonably bright child. He knew he didn't have the special understanding that his fond parents believed he did. He wasn't going to have his friends or cousins think he believed that of himself when they could so easily see he didn't. They found it annoying enough listening to his parents, but at least they had to be polite to them. They could have chosen not to play with him if they felt he was suffering from swollen head syndrome. Instead, everybody liked him and still does.

Also, if he had grown up believing he was uniquely talented, going to conservatoire and finding most of the intake were actually better at their instruments than he was might well have broken him. Instead he reported back cheerfully that "they're all better than me so I shall have to work harder". That attitude is going to take him a lot further in life. Of course he had talent- otherwise he wouldn't have got in. But he had to be able to cope with finding himself surrounded by more talented people.

I'm an academic tutor: I've seen too many young people collapse under that weight of expectation. And others who have had far less encouragement push on and do really good work. I firmly believe that my dn will do well. But his own personality and the sobering effect of a large extended family will have had their role to play there.

There was a post recently by someone who wanted to tell everybody how ‘beautifully’ their child behaved over Christmas. It really made me cringe.

Being able to play monopoly at 5 is great. Probably some other 5 year olds can too and they’ll probably be more that can’t.

What’s the point of telling everyone if it isn’t to boast or be smug? The ones whose kids can already do it will probably have an eye roll thinking little Jimmy did that months ago and the ones whose DC are nowhere near that stage will probably be thinking big deal or might even wonder why their child can’t.

I genuinely don’t understand what you get back from sharing that type of ‘news’ unless you want that back patting/reassurance that your child is amazing,clever,talented etc.

Mine older now but looking back the only people who told randoms their children were “very bright” were not very bright themselves. Every time. Sorry.