To be disappointed I’m not important to my parenrs and siblings.

[Pixie2997]

I know life isn’t about receiving gifts etc. I know people are struggling and couldn’t afford as much this year - us included - dc didn’t have as much as previous years but this isn’t really the issue here.

My siblings who all live at home (late teens and early twenties) had likely around £800 each (as an estimate I would say) spent on them this Christmas. They put all their gifts on Instagram.

I had about £15 if that from my parents. I do have two dc who they do but gifts for but I would say they only spent about £25 on them each. I bought a nice gift for my mum and dad.

I spent around £30 each on my siblings this year. I got nothing back from them. Admittedly I don’t expect the youngest to buy my anything as they are in college and doesn’t work! None of them bought anything for dc either.

Aibu to think I won’t bother with much at all next year?

I probably spent well over £100 between my siblings and parents this year. I know you shouldn’t expect anything back... but we’ve had a tough year financially. I’m not working, partner is and times have been hard.

If money was the issue I wouldn’t mind but my siblings had hundreds and hundreds of gifts. I know they are younger and live at home.

They buy all sorts of gifts for their neighbours, friends etc etc. I’m basically a neighbour or a friend to them 🤣

Aibu to think I’ll spend the money treating myself it the dc next year! This isn’t the first year either! Happened on previous years too.

Just because I’ve moved out and got my own dc means I don’t matter anymore?!

@Pixie2997

Thanks all. Apologises if I’m sounding spoilt. I’m the least materialistic person you could meet. I just don’t feel appreciated all round. I love buying people gifts and don’t really expect much myself but this has been going on for a while.

The best way to explain. For Christmas I had about £15 spent on by parents. My children had around £25 each from parents and my partner £0 (he doesn’t expect anything) so say around £65 between us all total.

Siblings had around £800 each. Think phones, computers, gadgets plus clothes etc etc. They had a lot. So spent over 2 grand between all 3. Only one is marginally under 18. I wouldn’t expect that much. That much would make me feel uneasy. Just feel that she could think of me a little
More.

Having dc I wouldn’t expect as much of course. I never do. But the irony is my grandmother spends the same on my mother as she always did despite having kids herself but my mother hasn’t treated me the same! My uncles have children and my
Mum buys them nice stuff.

It’s just me. I’ll admit that we aren’t close but we haven’t got a stained relationship either. We just get by. Our personalities clash. She’s very outgoing, bubbly, loud, socialble, outspoken, likes the limelight on her yet I’m more of an introvert with social anxiety. I moved out at 18. Never caused them any bother etc, never been a wild child or anything.

I'm sorry Pixie. It isn't right and you don't sound grabby or envious at all. You should have equal treatment and not getting your partner a gift was bloody ignorant. I can relate to some of your situation and it is pretty sh*the growing up in a family where there is such discrepancy in how the siblings are treated. It may help to detach as much as possible and have no expectations, hard as that is. Some families are just clueless.

I hope you and your DC and DH have a lovely time over the rest of the holidays and wish you a really happy and very prosperous 2021.💐

@CatsBooksAndCoffee thank you. Having a great time otherwise. Been the most relaxed Christmas we’ve had in years. My heart goes out to all those who couldn’t see their families but for us it’s been lovely not to have to visit everyone and rush around all Christmas and do our own thing (we did brief visits on the 23rd and Christmas Eve outside in the fresh air and dropped off presents).

@TodgerStrunk I’m not sure if I do or not. I’ve seen photos of him on Facebook 😒😒 but my mother has said a few times that I remind her of him as in our personalities. Maybe he’s a bit like me! 🤷‍♀️

@BackToBetter possibly but she met my stepdad when I was pretty young so she had support then. He did take me on as his own and provided. Although I am not overly close to him he’s a very generous Person and people take advantage of this. My mum has control of all the money! He barely sees his bank card so it’s a tough one!

My Grandma bless her heart gave me some money to treat myself this year (I do not expect this but she’s quite well off and she likes to treat all her children, grandkids and great-grandchildren, shes very generous). But even she knows what my mum is like. She gave me £100 but told me if my mum asks to tell her she only give me £50. That kinda shows what kind of person my mum is. Shes very money orientated and green eyed herself. Sometimes my Grandma will give my children some money during the year but they aren’t allowed to tell my mum...

Every year my mother asks what mil got me and I tell her the truth that mil usually spends around £40 on me which I don’t expect but she insists! I’m always honest if she asks. Surely that would make her realise how poop she’s being when my mil gets me more than she does and they don’t get anything for my partner?

I echo everything @WhereYouLeftIt said.

OP I think going forward you need to spend less energy on your DM, DSD and siblings. Concentrate on your own family and take comfort that you would always treat your own children exactly the same.

The more you have written the more sorry I feel for you.

Your mum is mean!

Yanbu at all.
I don't have any other advice other than what has been said. Don't buy your siblings anything else.
I spend roughly the same on my dcs. I think to within about £5. This year I bought them exactly the same amount of gifts each. I also bought ds's girlfriend a decent gift as they have been together over 2 years. I don't spend quite as much on dd's boyfriend as I don't know him as well and they haven't been together as long.

I did buy all my dcs and partners the same 'stocking fillers' and they all seemed very pleased. My dcs buy each other gifts. I don't understand your parents not buying your husband a gift, even a bottle of wine or socks.

Sorry OP. You are not grabby at all, it's not the presents - it's what it signifies.

And it sounds like it goes much deeper than that.

It would be worth trying to talk to your mum to see if you can find out what's behind this behaviour - but I'd have very low expectations of getting a good result. But then you know at least you tried to understand. My guess is she'll get very defensive and deny any favouritism.

I'd certainly stop running around after them X