To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

[Frosty2894]

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

My MIL always comments on the fact that DH and I eat with the ‘wrong hands’. I usually point out that if it bothers her that much she should have taught him the ‘correct’ way when he was a child.

She also eats with her fucking mouth open and talks with food in her mouth which I’m sure are much worse faux pas’ to make.

I can’t imagine why anyone else would care which hand another person held their bloody knife in. I find it very odd

What? Who even cares?

@HopeTheHeraldAngelsSing

BUT IT'S COMPLETELY POINTLESS! Totally and utterly mad to say there is a "correct" way to hold cutlery! It literally makes no sense whatsoever - cutlery is a tool for cutting and getting food effectively into your mouth, that is all. It has absolutely no other function whatsoever! How is this still a "thing" that you will be judged in social situations or feel embarrassed or out of place because of something like this???

Its bizarre isn’t it, would these people who think holding their cutlery a certain way is a life skill be equally as unpleasant to dinner guests if they dined in America, or Brazil where your value isn’t based on how you hold a bit of cheap metal.

Usually depends on what I'm eating, pasta or risotto type food, fork in my right hand. Something like steak or chicken breast, knife in my right hand and fork in my left throughout. Curry or rice dishes depends on the size of meat pieces.

I don't think it matters which way round you hold cutlery - it's a left and right thing, usually and perfectly acceptable. I rarely notice anyway. I watched DP eat "the other way round" lots before my mum spotted him doing this- and apologised for not putting his knife & fork out on the sides he uses them. I put them out this way round now too. My parents were quite strict on basic table manners when I was younger but also quite accommodating. They said it was more important to hold cutlery properly.

I think as parents we have a responsibility to teach our children to use cutlery neatly and efficiently. That is all.
Which hand you you use to hold the implements is far less important than using them in the most effective manner, as well as eating with your mouth closed - and don't gross out your dining companions.
Eating with your hands is quite acceptable for some foods in certain situations (chips, asparagus, chicken wings). Again, do it neatly, don't spray food around and be mindful of others.

@nosswith

It matters the example you set in front of children. If only to avoid them being teased at school and in other social situations. What you do when eating alone as long as it is hygienic is no-one's business.

I went to quite a snobby school and I can't imagine anyone being teased for holding their cutlery in the opposite hand. I do remember someone being mocked for his father's car being the wrong sort of BMW though...

I suppose the cutlery thing might matter at Eton or somewhere but I can't imagine it being the case that school kids up and down the country are mocking their peers for not following traditional etiquette.

I think if this thread shows anything it's that it's got bugger all to do with being left or right handed, it's how you were taught (or not taught I guess)
My DD is left handed, I'm right handed and we both use cutlery the same "correct" way. Like others though, I had to check as I'd never taken any notice of how she holds her knife and fork.
She does use her left hand when only using a fork though, whereas I switch to my right.

I don't think it matters really.

I don't care what anyone else does but I'd wager he is embarrassed by it . My son has special needs and is left handed and I taught him to eat the 'correct ' way so it is possible . However it's obviously too late now to change so just tell him to leave you alone .

TBH it does annoy me, I find it distracting because it looks odd. But the operative words in that are me and I. It’s my problem to get over and shouldn’t be yours so carry on doing what you want. It’s not your problem, your not actually harming anyone

I was taught the "correct" way to hold cutlery. Then I went to America, and people there wondered why Brits make life so difficult for themselves. So I had a rethink.
I read somewhere that when forks were introduced to some European king's court or other, the king picked one up and used it the wrong way round. Nobody dared to correct him, so that's the way we still use it.
Meanwhile OP, your problem is not the way you hold your fork. It's the way your DP is making you feel about it. He's an arse, and I don't know about your Mil, we've only got your DPs word for that

I was taught the "correct" way to hold cutlery. Then I went to America, and people there wondered why Brits make life so difficult for themselves

I've had the opposite experience. Some Americans seem to make a right palaver out of eating with a knife and fork or, worse, no knife at all.

YANBU! @Frosty2894 if you haven't tried Nanas Manners cutlery for you son I really recommend giving them a go. My daughter really struggled with her grip and using a knife at all. With this set it took a just a few days of use and she was able to cut up her own food and was much more confident.

"BUT IT'S COMPLETELY POINTLESS! Totally and utterly mad to say there is a "correct" way to hold cutlery! "

All social niceties are completely pointless if you look at it that way.

But we do live in a society, and all societies have rules.

I cant imagine noticing how someone else is holding their cutlery. Unless they start combing their hair with their fork, Little Mermaid style.

@SharedLife

I cant imagine noticing how someone else is holding their cutlery. Unless they start combing their hair with their fork, Little Mermaid style.

If I want to brush my hair with a dinglehopper no one can stop me!!!!

Some of you are absolutely nuts to think that it reflects on someone badly that they don’t hold their cutlery correctly!!!!

@SharedLife

I cant imagine noticing how someone else is holding their cutlery. Unless they start combing their hair with their fork, Little Mermaid style.

Don't know what you're talking about

@ItisRainingAgain

Sorry but I would find this very bad table manners if you were eating out somewhere, or in a social setting with friends. If that’s how you eat at home it’s your business but if I saw someone eating like this in a restaurant I’d be . And it would be rubbish to say you can’t, how do you think kids learn in the first place, it’s all about practice. I’m a bit shit with chopsticks for instance when I haven’t used them for a while but with a bit of practice again it doesn’t take too long to pick it up properly. I would consider you being rude to eat like this outside your own home, it shows a disregard for social norms and disrespect to your hosts and general laziness that you can’t be bothered spending a bit of time learning to do it properly.

Also wondering

Are you posh, rich, both? I can't imagine noticing this anywhere.

@FunkBus

"BUT IT'S COMPLETELY POINTLESS! Totally and utterly mad to say there is a "correct" way to hold cutlery! "

All social niceties are completely pointless if you look at it that way.

But we do live in a society, and all societies have rules.

Probably

What would you consider a social nicety?

I'm curious - the posters who are bothered by this, would you also be annoyed if a dinner guest brought wine you consider cheap?

I eat like this and my MIL picks on it. It’s like being back at school.

I couldn't give a flying poop in a basketball net which way you hold your cutlery (even knife like a pen) as long as you eat with your mouth closed & chew as quietly as possible. It's not doing me any harm is it?

would consider you being rude to eat like this outside your own home, it shows a disregard for social norms and disrespect to your hosts and general laziness that you can’t be bothered spending a bit of time learning to do it properly

I don't think I've read such crap in a long time. What other actions outside of your perceived 'social norms' are heinous in your narrow-minded eyes? Who decided holding cutlery a certain way was a 'social norm' anyway?

YANBU.

It’s not table manners, it’s snobbery (and cuntery in my opinion). Hold your cutlery however feels comfortable.

Holding cutlery in a specific manner is not a rule - it’s an outdated cultural behaviour.