To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

[Frosty2894]

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

Some of the people in this thread remind me very much of the sort of English-speaking people who travel abroad (or even just to Wales) and then take great offence at the locals insisting on speaking their own local language in their earshot - when everybody knows that English is the only polite and correct language for us all to speak.

Maybe, if they can prove to you that they are indeed Spanish in Spain, they can be considered savages beyond all hope who can't be expected to know any better and thus merely pitied rather than outright condemned....

I dont see why it matters, surely its just like being left handed but eating specific? I'm left handed but eat the 'correct' way around (for extra fun, my right handed sibling always ate the opposite way)

I can’t cut food the other way around so I eat American but I do use my knife and fork correctly sort form which hands. No shovel forks or pen knifes.

I also wear my watch on my dominant hand so presumably you would presume I was left handed. However it’s much worse etiquette to comment on someone’s poor table manners than it is to have poor table manners.

What a fascinating post.

But not one to which you have an answer?

I think you're either a WUM or otherwise so intensively beholden to your own little rules that I don't think we're ever going to find any common ground, so debating is futile. I'm asking questions and giving reasons why I believe people should be valued over randomly prescribed pointless rules and you're just standing back, repeatedly tapping your rule book and assuming that proves that you're undeniably right. Judge away - it's a free country.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Some of the people in this thread remind me very much of the sort of English-speaking people who travel abroad (or even just to Wales) and then take great offence at the locals insisting on speaking their own local language in their earshot - when everybody knows that English is the only polite and correct language for us all to speak.

Maybe, if they can prove to you that they are indeed Spanish in Spain, they can be considered savages beyond all hope who can't be expected to know any better and thus merely pitied rather than outright condemned....

Wow.

Some posters on here would likely have been baying for Jimmy Cricket to be hanged, drawn and quartered in the 80s, if they'd seen his wellies!

WeBuilt it's sad that not everyone raises their children the same way.

Children are the naturally most accepting, until their adult comes along with their judgemental views and drums in on how to judge a person. As long as there are no feet on the table, burping etc who gives a shit what hand people prefer to hold their cutlery in.

I hold it the "right" 🙄 way but I have never understood the problem with doing it the opposite way.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

What a fascinating post.

But not one to which you have an answer?

I think you're either a WUM or otherwise so intensively beholden to your own little rules that I don't think we're ever going to find any common ground, so debating is futile. I'm asking questions and giving reasons why I believe people should be valued over randomly prescribed pointless rules and you're just standing back, repeatedly tapping your rule book and assuming that proves that you're undeniably right. Judge away - it's a free country.

Your rude reply does not warrant a reasonable response.

@ Janegrey333

You might want to remove the knife and fork from up your arse, it's not the correct etiquette.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Honestly? It’s not great and I would want you to learn to use cutlery properly in order to set a good example to your child / children

Maybe it's just me, but I prefer to teach my DC to treat others with kindness and respect, and to recognise that we're all individuals, rather than to exact self-righteous judgment and condemnation over the silliest, random, trivial things ever.

The thing is table manners are about kindness and respect for others. Sitting next to people chomping with their mouth open, elbowing you, slurping, incorrect use of cutlery etc is unpleasant and poor table manners are insulting to the host/ hostess. It might not bother you but I dont want my children to be seen as ill mannered and to struggle in social/formal situations. I saw it as my job as a parent to ensure they knew how to behave.

@LittleRa

YANBU. I am right handed but hold my cutlery the other way round, my sister also does this- although we are British and were born here, our Mum is Canadian and that’s the way they do it there, so it what she taught us. We were actually just speaking about it at the table at Christmas lunch, funnily enough DMum is one of the most critical of it and apparently wishes she’d taught us the “British” way! All our other manners are impeccable of course

Canadian here - not how we do it generally. We hold a knife and fork the same way british people do. I'm sure individuals vary, but it's not a national thing.

@turolive

@ Janegrey333

You might want to remove the knife and fork from up your arse, it's not the correct etiquette.

Another charming response.

Sitting next to people chomping with their mouth open, elbowing you, slurping, incorrect use of cutlery etc is unpleasant and poor table manners are insulting to the host/ hostess.

Chomping with your mouth open and elbowing people are rude and ill-mannered.

Holding your cutlery in some weird ultra-precise way because that's how some old posh English dude once said it should be held has absolutely zero to do with table manners and not adhering to it (when the vast majority of the world has never even heard of this specific "rule") is not in the slightest bit rude and certainly not an insult.

Only people desperate to show off how middle class they are give a shit about nonsense like this.

You can have immaculate table manners and still hold the cutlery in the "wrong" hands.

When you act like a judgmental bitch, people tend to react that way.

Your rude reply does not warrant a reasonable response.

I'm rather regretting bothering to respond to your earlier rude, judgmental posts, now. How about we just leave it there?

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Your rude reply does not warrant a reasonable response.

I'm rather regretting bothering to respond to your earlier rude, judgmental posts, now. How about we just leave it there?

I have indicated that to you already.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all OP but it wouldn't surprise me if you were mildly dyspraxic. It's very weird to me that some people are so judgemental about people doing things that have absolutely no impact on them.

Me being left handed sets a poor example to my son?

But the OP very specifically said she is right handed. I don’t know why so many posts are about being left handed.

Clearly many think that ‘traditional’ manners are outdated and pointless, but in fact there are good reasons for most of these ‘outdated’ social mores. Cutting with your dominant hand is more efficient and who wants to put up with knives scraping on plates or food splatter? Passing food around the table in one direction means people aren’t leaning across each other and grabbing. Slouching with your elbows on the table means you’re in front of the person sitting next to you and cutting off the conversation flow. Putting your used napkin on the table if you excuse yourself means it’s right next to your neighbour’s plate. One poster has just admitted her husband isn’t capable of laying a table correctly, surely most adults would aspire to a certain degree of social awareness? I don’t think I’d want to share a table with you if you can’t understand that most of the ‘rules’ are just about being civil to your dining companions.

@turolive

When you act like a judgmental bitch, people tend to react that way.

Only people who have no idea of proper behaviour. Vulgarity is never impressive.

@MyPersona

Me being left handed sets a poor example to my son?

But the OP very specifically said she is right handed. I don’t know why so many posts are about being left handed.

Clearly many think that ‘traditional’ manners are outdated and pointless, but in fact there are good reasons for most of these ‘outdated’ social mores. Cutting with your dominant hand is more efficient and who wants to put up with knives scraping on plates or food splatter? Passing food around the table in one direction means people aren’t leaning across each other and grabbing. Slouching with your elbows on the table means you’re in front of the person sitting next to you and cutting off the conversation flow. Putting your used napkin on the table if you excuse yourself means it’s right next to your neighbour’s plate. One poster has just admitted her husband isn’t capable of laying a table correctly, surely most adults would aspire to a certain degree of social awareness? I don’t think I’d want to share a table with you if you can’t understand that most of the ‘rules’ are just about being civil to your dining companions.

I agree.

The thing is table manners are about kindness and respect for others.
Sitting next to people chomping with their mouth open, elbowing you, slurping, incorrect use of cutlery etc is unpleasant and poor table manners are insulting to the host/ hostess.

It might not bother you but I dont want my children to be seen as ill mannered and to struggle in social/formal situations.

I saw it as my job as a parent to ensure they knew how to behave.

I fully agree with you on all of that except for the 'incorrect' cutlery use. The other things are all very unpleasant for fellow diners to have to put up with; the hands in which people hold their cutlery are not even something most people would actually notice (unless they're deliberately looking in order to judge people), much less have any cause to be offended by.

There are numerous posts stating that holding knife in left hand and fork in right is incorrect, with no explanation as to why. This is offensive to the left handers, like me, who are unable to eat any other way. You wouldn’t (I hope) tell me to write with my right hand, so why is it appalling manners to eat left handed? Literally no one can explain why.

I have indicated that to you already.

Wow - we eventually found common ground!!

Holding a knife like a pen is just awful. It looks so childlike to me