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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded from the aptly named bubble :)

99 replies

Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 19:36

To cut a very long story short we had hoped to see some family on the one permitted day yesterday and yet mine and my hubby's family said no.

If it was due to self isolating and covid then we would have understood but it wasn't.

My mother has created a bubble with my childless sister and my sister's wife (because she is single). We asked if we could have a Christmas meal together yesterday whilst the rules allowed as we have been as isolated as everyone else and thought it would be a missed opportunity if we didn't. My sister said no because her wife did not fancy it. My mother continuously goes on about how much she misses the gran children (our 4 kids, one of whom is not far off newborn) and insists we catch up on walks/ in the park when it's freezing. Usually we would see each other fairly regularly.

My MIL said she was spending it with her brother and brothers girlfriend, this really upset my hubby and we have received texts to state how much the grandchildren were missed this Christmas.

It's been a difficult year especially having a covid newborn.

I am pissed off that my MIL/ Mother/ Sister think it's acceptable to guilt trip is about how much they miss our children and yet when the opportunity allows they have chosen to do other things and see other people.

What do you all think?Flowers

OP posts:
ChipsWithThat · 26/12/2020 19:45

I think that they're not guilt tripping you by saying they miss you, they just want you to know that they do miss you.

Limiting contact is the advice so they might just be afraid to expose you and your 4 children to possible infection.

They might really want to see you but are afraid to expose a new mum and kids so have opted to buddy up with the others. It could be because they love you 💐

NataliaOsipova · 26/12/2020 19:50

My friend commented last week that she thinks her in laws are avoiding her children. If people are very anxious about Covid, you can sort of understand it: children at school have been in contact with loads of other people and may well be asymptomatic carriers. They may well miss the kids, but are just making their own judgements about risk.

Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 19:51

@ChipsWithThat er yeah I know that is not the case. We've had those conversations.

OP posts:
ivfbeenbusy · 26/12/2020 19:52

I can understand why your mother would prioritise your childless sister over you and to be fair to your Mil you'd be arriving as a mob of 6 compared to just her brother and partner. I think you are taking this too personally

BexR · 26/12/2020 19:53

Unfortunately children are seen as super spreaders. I've had similar experience OP, try not to take it personally.

SaltyAF · 26/12/2020 19:55

@BexR

Unfortunately children are seen as super spreaders. I've had similar experience OP, try not to take it personally.
Except at school!
Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 19:58

Sorry perhaps not been too clear. Sister and wife are seeing others and are not isolating they said they would prefer to drink all day even though I offered to drive everyone around to make it work. Same as mother.

Indeed MIL has been with other family members today albeit outside, no isolating for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 19:59

@ivfbeenbusy just curious as to why you would see why she would prioritise sister? Bit lost here!

OP posts:
Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 20:04

Sorry I assumed the line " If it was due to self isolating and covid then we would have understood but it wasn't" would cover all bases regarding covid concerns. Please take the original post at face value. As I have said there are not any issues with isolating etc these are people who have been socialising/ out and about albeit within the rules (mostly :))

OP posts:
BlairCorneliaWaldorf · 26/12/2020 20:06

Have they both just spent it with their existing bubbles? Just because they could see you within the rules doesn’t meant they should. Lots of people haven’t mixed even though they were permitted to.

Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 20:08

@BlairCorneliaWaldorf no they haven't they have spent it with other family members.

OP posts:
ivfbeenbusy · 26/12/2020 20:11

@Enmeshednomore

Because your sister just has her partner whilst you presumably have a partner as well as 4 kids so not exactly lonely and have your own (not so little) family unit going on

Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 20:12

@ivfbeenbusy that's quite the assumption. She has chosen not to have kiddies. They have Avery active social life and would be in the local now we're it not for the new rule change.

OP posts:
Lougle · 26/12/2020 20:20

[quote Enmeshednomore]@ivfbeenbusy that's quite the assumption. She has chosen not to have kiddies. They have Avery active social life and would be in the local now we're it not for the new rule change.[/quote]
I think that's your answer, possibly. She actively chose not to have children and you have 4. I'm not sure I'd want to be around children if I had chosen not to have them. My brother doesn't have children and it's obvious that on the rare occasion he has to be with mine, it's a real chore. I accept that because it's about him, not them.

Tal45 · 26/12/2020 20:24

Maybe your sister and MIL's brother just got in there quick and asked first?

Agoodbriskwalk · 26/12/2020 20:24

Sorry but I think spending it with a couple (in each case) is kinder and safer.

I honestly don't think that as a family with 4 kids you should be socialising with anyone, even at Christmas. Sorry.

Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 20:26

@Agoodbriskwalk a couple that also have kids!

OP posts:
deliciouschilli · 26/12/2020 20:36

Were you offering to host?

SwedishK · 26/12/2020 20:41

I would also prioritise seeing fewer people than a big family of 6. It will be a nicer and quieter Christmas for them and you still have each other so it’s not like you are lonely. Outside walks sounds fine and far more sensible than being a large group indoors.

Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 20:43

@deliciouschilli I said I didn't mind hosting or ferrying.

OP posts:
lifestooshort123 · 26/12/2020 20:45

My sister said no because her wife did not fancy it
That was rude and if her wife did say it then your sister should have sugar coated it

a couple that also have kids!
Which couple is this?

If your sister and wife would normally be down the pub then they might just not have relished the idea of being stuck with children all day instead of drinking?

There have been some suggestions on here but you've been a bit snippy in response - are you like that with your family and in laws?

Agoodbriskwalk · 26/12/2020 20:52

a couple that also have kids!

Eh? You said:

My mother has created a bubble with my childless sister and my sister's wife (because she is single) (That's two adults - no kids.)

And:

My MIL said she was spending it with her brother and brothers girlfriend

That's another couple. No kids mentioned (and presumably a brother would be your MIL's age so unlikely to have kids?)

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2020 20:52

Yeah l think you have been a bit short with your responses, based on that not sure l would want to spend my Christmas with you either to be honest

Are your children well behaved, if not maybe thisbl is why childless couple weren't keen, again sorry l can't stand being around other people's badly behaved kids

SilentlyLaughing · 26/12/2020 20:52

There have been some suggestions on here but you've been a bit snippy in response - are you like that with your family and in laws?

That’s what I was wondering!

Original poster
Enmeshednomore · 26/12/2020 20:55

@lifestooshort123 that's quite unkind.

Ahhh @Agoodbriskwalk younger brother and v young gf with kids, at their fathers on that day!

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