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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My selfish family

104 replies

GarytheRedNosedUnicorn · 26/12/2020 16:13

My Mum is an 84 year old widow, living in Dartford, Tier 4. She has gone to stay with my sister in Surrey (also tier 4). From 23rd Dec to 27th. She thinks it’s justified as she’s not going by public transport and won’t be leaving the house. My sister has not been isolating, going to the supermarket everyday. Added to which, my sisters two kids, who live in Bromley and Wood Green went over to stay on Christmas Eve and will leave on Monday. My mother is insistent she won’t get it. I have been doing all her online shopping throughout, since March, and been looking out for her. I have lost my job as a result of industry closures and told her that the family’s selfish behaviour would only prolong lockdown. She took complete umbrage and told me I was only looking for an atguement. The dreadful thing is, there will tens of thousands of families doing this up and down the country, and we will take longer to come back from this. AIBU to be really sad and frustrated at people blatantly breaking the rules, thinking they are above them, and putting others at risk?

OP posts:
Wheresyourclapham · 26/12/2020 19:57

@PurpleFrames

*I forgot to add your idiotic post:

PurpleFrames
‘What reward do you actually get from being a judgmental Jenny and falling out with your family? There's no prize for most observant and pious covid rule follower. Maybe just get yourself a hair shirt while you're at it.’

countbackfromten · 26/12/2020 19:58

I have been the one there at the end switching off ventilators and holding someone’s hand as they die of covid without their family there. More than once. It breaks my heart and I will have to do this again and again.

And for those that survive their lives will be changed beyond belief, lungs that are mostly scar tissue, huge muscle wasting, long term damage to organs, maybe even loss of function due to a stroke.

This virus may be mild for a lot of people but trust me in that I have seen just what it does and it terrifies me. I would do anything to protect my parents from getting it because I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t and they got poorly. The OP loves her mum and wants to protect her.

countbackfromten · 26/12/2020 19:59

Thanks @Wheresyourclapham because I feel like at the moment I am losing the plot because I cannot understand why people are so blasé about this!

Original poster
GarytheRedNosedUnicorn · 26/12/2020 20:00

@PurpleFrames

What reward do you actually get from being a judgmental Jenny and falling out with your family? There's no prize for most observant and pious covid rule follower. Maybe just get yourself a hair shirt while you're at it.
Oh sorry - did I miss the part where I ‘fell out’ with my family? I’m not looking for a prize for sticking to the rules. I’m doing it out of respect for all the workers on the front line and NHS, and to help prevent the virus spreading. If that makes me pious, then I’ll take the title gladly.
OP posts:
Kazzyhoward · 26/12/2020 20:01

@PurpleFrames

What reward do you actually get from being a judgmental Jenny and falling out with your family? There's no prize for most observant and pious covid rule follower. Maybe just get yourself a hair shirt while you're at it.
The "prize" is a reduced risk of catching covid and a reduced risk of dying.
Wheresyourclapham · 26/12/2020 20:04

@countbackfromten
I appreciate all of the hard work (care, dedication, empathy, time, skills, sacrifices etc, etc, etc) that you and your selfless colleagues do for us all.

I’m so sorry that you and you colleagues are still having to deal with this type of ignorance nearly one year on 😔

PurpleFrames · 26/12/2020 20:06

The martyrs love self congratulation almost as much as judging others👏🏼 I thought we were all in this together? #bekind 😂

Original poster
GarytheRedNosedUnicorn · 26/12/2020 20:07

@countbackfromten

I have been the one there at the end switching off ventilators and holding someone’s hand as they die of covid without their family there. More than once. It breaks my heart and I will have to do this again and again.

And for those that survive their lives will be changed beyond belief, lungs that are mostly scar tissue, huge muscle wasting, long term damage to organs, maybe even loss of function due to a stroke.

This virus may be mild for a lot of people but trust me in that I have seen just what it does and it terrifies me. I would do anything to protect my parents from getting it because I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t and they got poorly. The OP loves her mum and wants to protect her.

Thank you for all your work, though thanks seem hardly enough.I’m assuming from your username you’re an anaesthetist? You must despair at the contempt some people are showing towards the situation. Flowers
OP posts:
PimlicoJo · 26/12/2020 20:11

I'm not a martyr, but I've heard of 3 people, none older than 55, who've died of covid in the last week. Until recently I hadn't known of anyone who'd even had covid since March. I wanted to spend Xmas with my family, but I understand why I couldn't.

countbackfromten · 26/12/2020 20:11

@GarytheRedNosedUnicorn yeah I am an anaesthetist and intensive care doctor. Ironically in self isolation at the moment (I’m completely well and had covid a few months ago).

It has been the hardest year of my career as a doctor and the most heartbreaking one. Seeing so many people die without their families there and seeing the impact this virus has day in day out has been soul destroying for me and my colleagues. We are so happy to have the vaccine and the glimmer of hope that this nightmare will end but we need the restrictions until the vaccine is widely available and we know how it impacts on case numbers.

I live alone so I know first hand how difficult it is to be away from loved ones.

2020isalmosthindsight · 26/12/2020 20:13

You're not wrong, OP. it sucks.

As for those saying, 'support bubble!' It's not. If OP's mum has anyone as a support bubble, it's OP herself who has been doing all the helping during the 2020 pandemic, not OP's sister. She just wanted what she wanted, and to hell with the rules and the public pandemic.

And this is why we're all stuck at home again.

jillypill · 26/12/2020 20:15

I get it's frustrating but honestly I think millions have "bent" the rules in some shape or form this Christmas.

Jalfreziqueen · 26/12/2020 20:17

She is 84 ffs. Let her enjoy Christmas while she still can as tomorrow is not promised. She should enjoy herself with her loved ones, in her support bubble, as at 84 this could be her last Christmas. No point being alive but completed isolated and miserable

Wheresyourclapham · 26/12/2020 20:18

@countbackfromten

countbackfromten
‘Thanks @Wheresyourclapham because I feel like at the moment I am losing the plot because I cannot understand why people are so blasé about this!’

You’re very welcome.
I tried to refrain from calling people idiots and stupid on here, but I just can’t anymore. I had to type it, because I’m soo pissed off with the selfishness of most people.
I’ve been telling family members that I can’t deal with stupid since March, so I don’t give a what other people think. I know what is right and my conscience would not allow me to act any other way.

Although I do not want it, I hope the whole bloody country goes into a full proper lockdown by January (and we have businesses that had to close and primary-aged kids that will need looking after whilst I’m working from home). Stupid idiots prolonging this mess for the rest of us!
🥺😤😠

jillypill · 26/12/2020 20:18

I will say that I think the majority have been very compliant but xmas was just a bit much to stick to for some.

Frauhubert · 26/12/2020 20:22

It’s not like she went to a rave with 50 people and then got on a plane to ibiza to party for 7nights

Wheresyourclapham · 26/12/2020 20:26

@PurpleFrames

PurpleFrames
‘The martyrs love self congratulation almost as much as judging others👏🏼 I thought we were all in this together? #bekind 😂’

I do not think that people that do not take your stance are trying to be Martyrs.

It’s a bit ironic for you to be posting #bekind, when you clearly are not 🙄

Wheresyourclapham · 26/12/2020 20:29

@Frauhubert

Frauhubert
‘It’s not like she went to a rave with 50 people and then got on a plane to ibiza to party for 7nights’

Duh! You do not have to do that to catch it!

I’m done and out.

Original poster
GarytheRedNosedUnicorn · 26/12/2020 20:32

@Frauhubert

It’s not like she went to a rave with 50 people and then got on a plane to ibiza to party for 7nights
But her grandchildren arrived from Wood Green and Bromley, they both live in house shares with 3 other people. Who have been out and about, and to work. You do the maths... My friend caught COVID following one very protected shopping trip. She had been nowhere but the supermarket.
OP posts:
newusername2009 · 26/12/2020 20:37

For goodness sake - she is a grown woman and can make her own choices and assess the risks herself. She’s prob sick of being stuck inside being protected!

Babyroobs · 26/12/2020 20:41

@LadyLightning

Well said countbackfromten! There are a lot of people ignoring the rules completely or using them as a starting point and then negotiating with them. As the Welsh minister said, you just need to follow the rules, and not pick and choose which ones you like. Yes, this will prolong lockdown. And make it more likely that NHS provisions will become overloaded.
My friend with a baby has met with three other households on Xmas day. She said she can bubble with her parents as she has a baby under one, but surely you can't just form a bubble starting on Xmas day when you've not been in a bubble before ? Sounds risky to me having four new households all mixing, but may be within the rules?
Frauhubert · 26/12/2020 20:43

Ok. And what are you going to to do about it? Report your granny?

MrsLangOnionsMcWeetabix · 26/12/2020 20:46

Cut from the same cloth as my fuckwit in-laws (both high risk) who have flown to visit friends over Christmas. I have two friends who are having to arrange funerals for a parent within Tier 4 restrictions and I could cheerfully throttle the in-laws right now. They are already making noises about having Christmas with us next year and they can fuck right off. And then fuck off some more.

Original poster
GarytheRedNosedUnicorn · 26/12/2020 20:47

@Frauhubert

Ok. And what are you going to to do about it? Report your granny?
That would be pointless, she’s been dead over 20 years. RTFT!
OP posts:
Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 26/12/2020 20:51

And this is where common sense needs to prevail. A load of 20 year olds attending illegal raves and hosting covid parties- fair enough, judge away. But a vulnerable elderly woman choosing to spend Christmas with family in her support bubble- completely justified and understandable. She obviously thought fuck it, it could be my last Christmas I’d rather risk my chances with covid than being alone, isolated and miserable for god knows how long- fair play to her. It’s very easy for most of us who have spent Christmas with at least some family to judge others who are completely alone with the attitude that they need to stay isolated and probably very depressed and lonely in order to ‘save lives’.