My selfish family

[GarytheRedNosedUnicorn]

My Mum is an 84 year old widow, living in Dartford, Tier 4. She has gone to stay with my sister in Surrey (also tier 4). From 23rd Dec to 27th. She thinks it’s justified as she’s not going by public transport and won’t be leaving the house. My sister has not been isolating, going to the supermarket everyday. Added to which, my sisters two kids, who live in Bromley and Wood Green went over to stay on Christmas Eve and will leave on Monday. My mother is insistent she won’t get it. I have been doing all her online shopping throughout, since March, and been looking out for her. I have lost my job as a result of industry closures and told her that the family’s selfish behaviour would only prolong lockdown. She took complete umbrage and told me I was only looking for an atguement. The dreadful thing is, there will tens of thousands of families doing this up and down the country, and we will take longer to come back from this. AIBU to be really sad and frustrated at people blatantly breaking the rules, thinking they are above them, and putting others at risk?

YABU

She is allowed to form a support bubble with your sister as a single person. She can also end a support bubble if she wants to.

It's an allowed exception for travel.

They've done nothing wrong.

She's an adult and can make her own decisions.

It's great you've done her shopping.

@GarytheRedNosedUnicorn
I hope she doesn’t come down with the virus, along with all the other people who decided to risk their own health and the health of others during this pandemic.

I only asked that question as @RuggerHug assumed that your Sister would be taking over that role now.

Ok maybe she shouldn’t have mixed with as many people if there are other adults coming and going in the household but at 84 years old she should be allowed to do what she wants and if she decides to bubble with them then that’s her choice. Let her enjoy her Christmas.

Ginty you're wrong. Yes, she could have been in a support bubble with OPs sister but no-one else other than the household should have been in the house. This is why rates are increasing at an alarming rate in the south east.

Ohhh dear Covid is causing too many of these situations.

You cannot force people OP.

Your mother is 84. She took the risk and as long as she is aware I wouldn’t go stressing yourself over it.

@PimlicoJo no you are wrong.

I've read the rules very carefully in order to be assured we are following them ourselves with regards to my own relatives.

Ginty maybe if you're not in Tier 4. In Tier 4 no household mixing is allowed (except for support bubbles). I wouldn't have spent Xmas the way I have otherwise.

Just because our incompetent Government has advised that you can, it does not mean that it is a good idea and that you should.

I would not be taking any advice from Boris and his cronies, as they clearly do not know what they are talking about.
They couldn’t even organise piss ups in breweries (they eventually had to close the pubs again!)!!

A single person is allowed to join another household, and ignore the stay local rules.

Yes, a single person is allowed to travel for their support bubble. There’s no max distance.

Also YABVVVU. Let your poor mother see her family for Christmas if she wants to.

YABU, my mum is 70, extremely vulnerable to COVID, but has bubbled with us and has stayed over with us frequently since March. We are in Tier 4. This is within the rules as I provide care.

I can't believe you begrudge your 84yo mum a stay over Christmas at her daughter's because of the 'rules'. I'm wondering if you're a bit resentful that they're all together? It would be natural if you were a bit envious but please don't blame 'the rules'.

@RosePetalss

Ok maybe she shouldn’t have mixed with as many people if there are other adults coming and going in the household but at 84 years old she should be allowed to do what she wants and if she decides to bubble with them then that’s her choice. Let her enjoy her Christmas.

She is enjoying Christmas.

And it is against the law for 4 households to meet and stay in the same house. The statutory instrument was passed last Sunday. It’s hardly likely to be policed, but the law is there if the authorities need to use it, to break up parties and large gatherings.
I’m just sad that there will be thousands of households who ignore the rules, and the NHS staffed will be over stretched, and it could have been prevented. A lot of people think ‘it won’t hurt’ but it will. A friend got her positive result this morning. Her DH and DC have been isolating for 14 days because of a school breakout, they are all fine. She has been the only one to venture out, once on Christmas Eve to the supermarket with mask, sanitiser, kept her distance etc. It’s is THAT transmittable.

Tier 4 - Household or support bubble only
Non Tier 4 - Christmas bubble

Therefore multiple adults in the one house from different households are surely not allowed. But this is MN and people will interpret the rules to their own circumstances

It makes me so fucking sick.

We like millions of other families, missed out on seeing family yesterday. It was sad & depressing. We made the most of it but it was shit.

Today all I see on SM is friends and extended family in way larger groups than 3 households meeting for dinner yesterday.

CUNTS, THE LOT OF THEM!!!

And still they'll have the gall to moan about how long this shit is dragging out!

Just unbelievable, honestly.

People seem to think your mother can be in a bubble with you and them on a whim change it to your sister and your sister can be in a bubble with her kids even though they live separately and so she's done nothing wrong.
Firstly if you want to change bubbles you have to have a 10 day break in between. If you mother is in a bubble with your sister than your sister has to also be in a bubble with your mother and so can't have her kids over.
You are not unreasonable, unfortunately everyone seems to think it's ok to interpret the rules in a way that is convenient to them and take no personal responsibility for anything.

The problem with this is OP is placing the blame on an 84yo woman. OP, you have said mum says 'it's justified' it, 'mother is insistent', told mum that it's 'selfish behaviour'. Nothing in any of your posts tells us what you've said to your sister.

You are blaming the most vulnerable person for this state of affairs, and it's simply not fair.

I know loads of cases in Bromley at the moment - I’d be annoyed by this. Especially as I presume your mother is in a bubble with you? She and your sister are really taking a risk - and for what? Your mother is due a vaccine in January surely she can wait until then?

[quote Dotinthecity]@Barmyfarmy not at all stupid, just another opinion. Not everyone thinks the same way. What I stated is a fact. You obviously don’t agree but my opinion is no more “stupid” than yours. Many thanks for the accolade though! 😉[/quote]
I dont think you know what a 'fact' is

and your 'opinion' is not only medically and logically stupid but the actions you encourage are ILLEGAL

What reward do you actually get from being a judgmental Jenny and falling out with your family? There's no prize for most observant and pious covid rule follower. Maybe just get yourself a hair shirt while you're at it.

@OptimisticSix

Just for another side my elderly parents are in tier 4 and were due to come to us but decided to follow the rules. Dad had a fall late last night and is now in hospital and mum is on her own. Honestly I wish they had ignored the rules and been here

I'm sorry to hear that. We are also regretting being cautious after the elderly family member we have been trying to protect had a sudden event yesterday and is also in hospital. Wishing we hadn't stopped her seeing a Grandchildren earlier in the week now.

Hope your Dad and Mum will be OK

I have not seen my 94 year old mother since March. She lives in very sheltered accommodation and if a resident gets Coronavirus there is a high risk of it spreading - as it would in a care home.

I am glad that she is in a support bubble with my brother.

I phone her regularly and we also meet up via Zoom.

Those who are elderly and vulnerable should be getting vaccinated over the next month or two, at which point, depending on which Tier people are in, visits became more possible.

I have relatives who were interned and imprisoned in WW2. Separation from family members for month after month is hard. But it's nothing new.

@ktp100

It makes me so fucking sick.

We like millions of other families, missed out on seeing family yesterday. It was sad & depressing. We made the most of it but it was shit.

Today all I see on SM is friends and extended family in way larger groups than 3 households meeting for dinner yesterday.

CUNTS, THE LOT OF THEM!!!

And still they'll have the gall to moan about how long this shit is dragging out!

Just unbelievable, honestly.

@ktp100 I couldn’t have put it any better myself. We were in the same position. Tier 4 and cancelled all plans, didn’t see anyone. One of my very close friends saw 6 other households yesterday. 6. They don’t even feel bad!

@PurpleFrames the prize is not spreading a potentially readily virus to others or contracting it yourself with the chance of dying.

Pretty bloody good prize if you ask me for obeying the restrictions.

I get what you feel completely. I’m losing respect to people who behave this way. There’s just no basic respect to law and to those who lost livelihoods due to this pandemic.

@PurpleFrames
Idiot.

Deadly. Stupid typing whilst utterly annoyed at how bloody selfish some people can be. I am dreading every day at work now knowing just how bad it is going to be with cases and how many people I am going to see die away from their loved ones.