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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave her present back to SIL

88 replies

Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 12:33

A close friend of mine got given a handbag for Christmas by her partners' sister. She told me it was horrible and she gave it back to SIL (not sure what reason she gave to SIL). She also got given a wallet and top by SIL and is considering returning them to her as she doesn't like them either. I told her I thought it was rude, but even the other friend in my WhatsApp group agrees with her. Aibu to think this is bonkers? Is this a new thing now to not accept a gift if you don't like it?

OP posts:
CynsterBitch · 26/12/2020 12:42

Your first instinct was right, it’s rude. If someone did that to me I just wouldn’t bother the next year, just an awful way to behave

MispyM · 26/12/2020 12:46

Are they very close?

I'm simply asking because those aren't "normal" SIL gifts to me personally (especially the top).

It doesn't seem rude to me.

But I think it ultimately depends on their relationship and on whether the gifts were expensive (for SIL's income)...

But it does have a huge potential for conflict, I agree.

MispyM · 26/12/2020 12:47

It doesn't seem rude to me.

It does seem rude to me. Oops Blush

SnuggyBuggy · 26/12/2020 12:48

Based on what you have said its rude. Is there some weird backstory to this?

Mintjulia · 26/12/2020 12:49

The sil should cross her off the list for ever. Clearly gifts are not welcome.

Problem solved for both of them.

ludothedog · 26/12/2020 12:50

Yes, rude.

Bluesername · 26/12/2020 12:51

It's rude. If you receive an unwanted gift you say thank you and donate it to charity or re-gift to an unrelated person. You don't throw it back in the giver's face (metaphorically or otherwise!)

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 26/12/2020 12:51

Depends how close they are - if they're BFFs (real ones not teenage drama idiots) then it's doubtless fine and they'll sort it out. Or if they've set up ground rules that include this.

Otherwise pretty rude.

Original poster
Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 12:52

The backstory is that they aren't close and there is conflict between them. However, she told me SIL hosted Christmas, cooked the whole Christmas meal and cooked a different dish for my friend, as she didn't like the main dish. I feel like my friend is being ungrateful. Obviously I won't tell her that!

OP posts:
Divebar · 26/12/2020 12:53

She got given a bag, a wallet and a top? Doesn’t that seem rather excessive? At least the SIL knows how bad mannered your friend is. Seems unlikely that this is the first time she’s shown her true colours.

RolandSchitt · 26/12/2020 12:55

Your friend sounds really rude. It sounds like her SIL went to the effort of making her comfortable and welcome, and she threw it back in her face.

Divebar · 26/12/2020 12:55

I feel like my friend is being ungrateful. Obviously I won't tell her that!

Well I think someone should say something. She sounds like a complete brat. How old is she?

TitInATrance · 26/12/2020 12:55

Beg to differ here, but it may be because I have a no-gifts agreement with everybody. If I get an unwanted gift it feels very aggressive and I would have no qualms about passing it back so the person can get a refund.

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 12:56

Do people really buy wallets and handbags for people?

Sounds more like a re gift...

Original poster
Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 12:56

I think my friend said she bought her SIL a t-shirt! It seems excessive but surely she should be grateful, instead she's raging at how she always gets sh*t gifts!

OP posts:
MispyM · 26/12/2020 12:57

The backstory is that they aren't close and there is conflict between them. However, she told me SIL hosted Christmas, cooked the whole Christmas meal and cooked a different dish for my friend, as she didn't like the main dish. I feel like my friend is being ungrateful. Obviously I won't tell her that!

It seems like the SIL went through a lot of effort. And your friend (without additional context that might somehow excuse it)? Rude and ungrateful.

Like throwing oil on a fire....

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 12:58

And if the gifts are part if some passive aggressive exercise then no jts not rude

Original poster
Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 12:58

She's 28 @Divebar I've already told her what I think about it (without pissing her off!)

OP posts:
ChalkDinosaur · 26/12/2020 13:02

Yep it's rude. I think it's OK to later donate or exchange gifts you really don't like/won't use, but giving it back to the giver to make a point of it is just rude.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 13:05

YANBU. It's one thing asking to change the size but if you just don't like it what do you acheive by returning it? It's deliberately insulting. Unless there's some back story where the sil deliberately gave her an old dirty wallet as a PA stunt.

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2020 13:05

@Tsubasa1

The backstory is that they aren't close and there is conflict between them. However, she told me SIL hosted Christmas, cooked the whole Christmas meal and cooked a different dish for my friend, as she didn't like the main dish. I feel like my friend is being ungrateful. Obviously I won't tell her that!
Why won't you tell her?

She doesn't seem to care about any one else's feelings.

She needs to know she's an ungrateful cow

Original poster
Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 13:07

@Nanny0gg I don't want to piss her off, I've already pointed out how nice of SIL to cook all that food and I told her it's rude to return a gift. No need to go beyond that!

OP posts:
cheeseismydownfall · 26/12/2020 13:07

Personally I think those are bizarre gifts to give to someone whose taste you don't know intimately. I would hate to be gifted lumbered with something so expensive that I didn't really, really like. If you want to push the boat out in a gift there are so many better choices that you could make - luxury food etc. I agree with the PP, I would find it almost aggressive. I know most people feel differently though.

oakleaffy · 26/12/2020 13:08

@MispyM

The backstory is that they aren't close and there is conflict between them. However, she told me SIL hosted Christmas, cooked the whole Christmas meal and cooked a different dish for my friend, as she didn't like the main dish. I feel like my friend is being ungrateful. Obviously I won't tell her that!

It seems like the SIL went through a lot of effort. And your friend (without additional context that might somehow excuse it)? Rude and ungrateful.

Like throwing oil on a fire....

Bloody hell....SIL sounds a paragon of virtue, pandering to someone who ''Didn't like the main meal''

Don't give presents back, it would be so rude!.

cheeseismydownfall · 26/12/2020 13:09

(although having said that, I agree it is rude to return the gifts. Friend needs to give them to charity - not regift them, or the bloody cycle is endless).