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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave her present back to SIL

88 replies

Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 12:33

A close friend of mine got given a handbag for Christmas by her partners' sister. She told me it was horrible and she gave it back to SIL (not sure what reason she gave to SIL). She also got given a wallet and top by SIL and is considering returning them to her as she doesn't like them either. I told her I thought it was rude, but even the other friend in my WhatsApp group agrees with her. Aibu to think this is bonkers? Is this a new thing now to not accept a gift if you don't like it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 13:09

Maybe you have a point @cheeseismydownfall.

OP posts:
IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 13:10

I agree that a wallet isn't a good gift in most cases because they'll be using it every day and want to choose one they really like. That said I've twice been given wallets by people I don't know very well so it can't be that unusual.

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 13:12

Don't give presents back, it would be so rude!

As opposed to selling on ebay, re gifting , allowing relatives to spend ££££ repeatedly buying stuff that isnt liked or appreciated or even fits over and over again , which are "acceptable"

Much easier to just do "no gifts" or be honest the first time.

But this is MN where giving or receiving money is rude and every sensible solution is "rude"

No wonder everyone starts just getting passive aggressive with their gifts to try and prove a point.

1FootInTheRave · 26/12/2020 13:18

Your friend sounds hideous. Rude ungrateful nasty cow.

Hope your sil realises this and doesn't invite her again.

2magpies1pigeon · 26/12/2020 13:19

It's shockingly rude. I don't think I'd ever forget that. Obviously, no presents of any kind in future.

Splann · 26/12/2020 13:22

Your friend doesn’t sound like someone I’d want to be friends with. I feel sorry for the SIL having to host such an ungrateful brat of a woman.

2pinkginsplease · 26/12/2020 13:24

Your friend I said out of order, that is so rude!

I have an ex sister In law like that, thankful she’s now an ex sister in law. Total ungrateful 🐄!

FiftyShadesOfTaupe · 26/12/2020 13:29

@Tsubasa1

Personally, I'd be very wary of your 'friend'. She seems to think she's clever or funny telling you this story. When someone does this, they're inadvertently telling you how they'd behave if you upset them.

Even if there is a backstory with your friend and her SIL, there are better ways to deal with things in life.
I'm baffled by this 'aggressive' present giving. But simply, if I were given a present I didn't like, either well intentioned or 'passive-aggressive', I'd ignore the game playing and rise above it.

Warning bells for you.

Bluntness100 · 26/12/2020 13:32

Your friend is being horrible. As in truely cunty.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/12/2020 13:34

She told me SIL hosted Christmas, cooked the whole Christmas meal and cooked a different dish for my friend, as she didn't like the main dish

So she didn't like the main dish, didn't like her gifts and doubtless didn't like lots else

I'm hoping you're pulling our legs, OP, but if not I'll look forward to the thread on here from the hostess ... should be worth reading!!

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 13:34

Even if there is a backstory with your friend and her SIL, there are better ways to deal with things in life

I'd be interested in the back story . What is this conflict? I mean outwardly tbe SIL appears a Saint doesn't she. Cooked dinner gave a gift looked every bit the dutiful host. But what if this gift was another on a long line.of piss takes and passive aggressive bollocks and the friend finally put a stop to it once and for all....

Laughnaff · 26/12/2020 13:35

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like her, she sounds nasty and ungrateful

Tal45 · 26/12/2020 13:37

I think you should dump your friend and get to know SIL instead!

MispyM · 26/12/2020 13:42

I'd be interested in the back story . What is this conflict? I mean outwardly tbe SIL appears a Saint doesn't she. Cooked dinner gave a gift looked every bit the dutiful host. But what if this gift was another on a long line.of piss takes and passive aggressive bollocks and the friend finally put a stop to it once and for all...

Yes. But even if the SIL was being passive accessive or simply goading the OP's friend:

It's very possible that SIL also looks like a saint to the rest of the family. Returning the gifts would therefore lead to the friend looking like the villain. And probably give the SIL a lot of familial support in any possible future conflicts....

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 13:45

Yes sadly that's usually the way. God knows I've kept my mouth shut about plenty even when the other person doesn't really deserve it and even when it makes me look like the arsehole to everyone who doesn't know the full story..

MispyM · 26/12/2020 13:47

Passive accessive = aggressive.... 😅

Yes sadly that's usually the way.

Precisely. Returning the gift definitely seems rude.

Whether it's actually justified (well, who knows) or whether it's the friend being an absolute cunt. Or anything in between.

withmycoffee · 26/12/2020 13:48

SIL sounds like she has gone way beyond in preparing ALL food including an additional meal for friend who seemingly told her that she was not satisfied with the meal that was on offer (another story here I feel) and then buying loads of extravagant gifts. The only way I can see this as bing ok is if SIL has form for being faux nice and going over the top to make the friend intentionally look like the bad guy and she is fed up with that game. If not, I can see no explanation other than SIL is a saint and friend has issues

Original poster
Tsubasa1 · 26/12/2020 13:50

@Puzzledandpissedoff Grin
@FiftyShadesOfTaupe i'm slightly concerned
@Whatwouldscullydo I'm going to be honest, it's a complicated backstory. Apparently SIL threatend her twice in the past, once before Christmas. Friend's partner doesn't want to ruin Christmas so deffered speaking to her till after Christmas. But my friend's partner doesn't want to tell his sister that they're together so when asked, they tell her that they're just friends that live together (also bonkers!). They are hiding their relationship like teenagers, and her OH is 40 years old! Sometimes feels like her OH is trying to piss off his sister or likes creating the rift between them. I'm really perplexed at the whole thing and think it's really unhealthy.

OP posts:
Anydreamwilldo12 · 26/12/2020 13:51

Sounds like the SIL is the nice one and your friend is a bit of a cow. I wonder why they don't get on?

Okeydokeypiginapokey · 26/12/2020 13:51

It interesting that in regards to the subject, you have to be walking on eggshells around your friend. Is it always this way?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/12/2020 13:52

Dreadfully rude! Shock

My mum gave me a bag for Christmas one year which was so far from anything I would normally have used - did I return it, or sneer at it? No I bloody didn't. I thanked her, kept it, and later found a use for it as a change bag when I had DS1. Mum never knew that, as she died before he was born, but I was pleased that I'd kept it and found a use for it.

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 13:52

So your friend is being treated like some.dirty little secret,.her partner hasn't done a thing to defend or stop her being threatened by his sister , and infant just deliberately winds his sister up and your friends the bad guy here?

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2020 13:53

Your friend sounds rude and I’d be wary of her from now on. My SIL is the same with me. We are NC since she was incredibly nasty to my dd.

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 13:53

Oh right sorry mis read so she won't say they are together?

Why?

What a strange set up.

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2020 13:54

No sorry git it right the first time

Sorry it sounds so complicated