Saddest things a toddler has said this year.

[55larry]

My dgs is 3 years old and because of all the rules we need to live under because of COVID he has not been allowed into my house much this year. I do some childcare and on those days he asks his mother if he is allowed to come in our house and whether his mum can come in. On one occasion during the last lockdown I had to do emergency childcare and he thought he was going to have to stand outside my house all day.

What have we done to our grandchildren that he should even need to ask the question can I go inside granny’s house?

@stackemhigh

Right now there are children in other countries freezing to death, living in tents in sub-human condition. There are appeals for food and blankets.

I know I'll get slated but I find this thread in very poor taste.

One of the kids I teach lived in a car in the first lockdown. Just because there are children in hellish conditions around the world it doesn't mean that the pandemic hasnt done any harm here either. It's ok to discuss the impact of that on our children and if we weren't interested in how children develop I wonder why we are all on mumsnet?

@stackemhigh

Right now there are children in other countries freezing to death, living in tents in sub-human condition. There are appeals for food and blankets.

I know I'll get slated but I find this thread in very poor taste.

I doubt they give a shot about this thread - so why is it in poor taste? If you had posted a link to the appeal your post would make a lot more sense. e.g ideas.ted.com/8-practical-ways-to-help-refugees/

My 6 year old say we have moved closer the grandparents as they will die of Covid soon and we need to see them before they die

shit not shot, bliddy phone

@stackemhigh of course, and there always has been. But if we want to raise a generation of children who show empathy and love to other people, who go on to change our world for the better, we also need to have care and concern for their situation. There could be damage from children being scared of others from a young age, feeling like they have to ‘stay away’ and keep a distance from others, family and friends, but especially strangers. It’s true what you say, but then it also implies you should not concern yourself with anything unnecessary until all the worlds problems are solved. Eg. No food beyond bare minimum to survive, no Christmas presents or toys, every spare moment and bit of money devoted to the poorest in the world. In fact, probably you shouldn’t have children at all because there are so many orphans and children who are in need of homes. I really struggle to understand this argument, although I do think it’s important to teach children how lucky they are and from a young age how the world is full of disparities and that we should do what we can to make a difference in the world. But we are also going to worry about our own little bubble, eg as mums we are entitled to see and question how changes in our immediate situation are impacting our kids, and we are entitled to feel sad about that.

My son is not a toddler, but still asks constantly about whether he would be able to have a birthday party next year (he couldnt even see anyone this year because it was right at the start of April). It seems like a small thing but it really isnt when you are that age
On a lighter note he asked if he could ride his bike down the stairs and I said no. He looked sad and said "Oh because of Covid" and I explained actually no, its because its a stupid idea. But they all think everythings because of Covid now.

We didn't really do anything "to" them.

The pandemic did. (well, unless you're saying that we didn't take it seriously enough, which is an other discussion).

But yes, it's terrible. I am very confident that we will overcome this (someday....). But I also believe that it will leave lasting scars.

It sucks.

@drspouse

My DD is 6, she constantly asks when she can go to her friend's house and she knows it's "when the virus has gone". What's quite sad is that we'd happily have the friend for a childcare session (older sibling has various hospital appointments) but I don't think they'd be happy even though they are in the same class at school.

I see this a lot on these threads. They may be in the same class but their families aren't.

All our parents are dead, all 4 of them, before our children were born - in fact my mum died when I was 13. One year as we were about to eat Christmas dinner my DD then 4 asked "Mummy, why isn't there anyone else here?"

Later in their lives, my best friends became their substitute grandmothers/aunties. And then they both died very young, one after another (completely random unrelated illnesses).

No one really gave a fuck about how this affected my children (let alone me!) - and indeed it has affected them long term, they are now teenagers and have this underlying fear that people you love best generally die in their 50s and 60s. So whilst I am sorry that people have had to spend time apart this year (and I don't mean people who are entirely alone and struggling of course) I have a limited amount of sympathy for posts like these in general.

On a lighter note he asked if he could ride his bike down the stairs and I said no. He looked sad and said "Oh because of Covid" and I explained actually no, its because its a stupid idea. But they all think everythings because of Covid now.

This made me giggle. It's rather hilarious (and adorable) tbh.
I really hope he'll get a wonderful birthday party!

Yes, I also think that this is the worst for children and very young people... (nearly 30 percent of adults under 24 experience symptoms of "heavy depression" according to a national survey where I live. That's just.... Wow. "wow" in a very bad way, btw.)

Well the saddest thing I heard from my little great niece was “ Your face looks nice with a mask on Auntie Grindah!”

I think the point is the worry about the collective impact on a generation of children.. there are always individual children who have had worse and better situations in their lives, some kids cope better or worse etc.

@stackemhigh

Right now there are children in other countries freezing to death, living in tents in sub-human condition. There are appeals for food and blankets.

I know I'll get slated but I find this thread in very poor taste.

Who parents using that as their yard stick, though? By that logic I could just lock DS in a cupboard all day as he'd still be warm and so there would still be children in the world worse off than him. As I said, I think the restrictions have been necessary but I don't see why I therefore have to pretend that I think the impact on young children (or older children - I feel very sorry for teens, too, but that isn't what this thread is about) is fine and non-existent, and l think that taking the attitude that I need never worry about my child if we're not in a refugee camp is both ridiculous and also, again, something only ever said by people who aren't actually parenting a toddler through this.

No one really gave a fuck about how this affected my children (let alone me!) - and indeed it has affected them long term, they are now teenagers and have this underlying fear that people you love best generally die in their 50s and 60s. So whilst I am sorry that people have had to spend time apart this year (and I don't mean people who are entirely alone and struggling of course) I have a limited amount of sympathy for posts like these in general.

That's sad that your empathy is so limited. It isn't actually a limited resource. Maybe don't read threads like this if your empathy is in such desperately short supply?

Well you know @Hardbackwriter, I find that people who have lived through shit like that often have even more empathy as they know what it feels like to lose someone (or in my case almost everyone). But I still don't need to weep and wail for those who have missed a Christmas dinner one year. I can see its taken the shine off things, but for most that's the extent of the trauma.

(BTW great that you can't see the very bitter irony in your post)

@DishingOutDone

All our parents are dead, all 4 of them, before our children were born - in fact my mum died when I was 13. One year as we were about to eat Christmas dinner my DD then 4 asked "Mummy, why isn't there anyone else here?"

Later in their lives, my best friends became their substitute grandmothers/aunties. And then they both died very young, one after another (completely random unrelated illnesses).

No one really gave a fuck about how this affected my children (let alone me!) - and indeed it has affected them long term, they are now teenagers and have this underlying fear that people you love best generally die in their 50s and 60s. So whilst I am sorry that people have had to spend time apart this year (and I don't mean people who are entirely alone and struggling of course) I have a limited amount of sympathy for posts like these in general.

first of all that is really really sad. They sound like they would benefit from some support but I know that CAHMs are crap at the best of times so I dont know if they received any (it sounds like they didnt). However, it sounds like your friends did care - it is just tragic that they died too. I think given howe unfortunate you have been it is understandable to feel limited sympathy, however it might be better to avoid threads like this just because you will see a lot of people with smaller (though still significant) sadnesses and it looks like it might make you feel worse.

DS is 18 months. He's now been living under restrictions for half his life. He would mime putting on hand sanitizer from around his first birthday, certainly before he could walk.

Absolutely no one in this thread has been 'weeping and wailing' about one missed Christmas dinner. There's been a discussion about whether the last nine months might have an impact on young children experiencing it at an age particularly important to their development. A thread that you came on to declare, a propos of absolutely nothing, that you have no sympathy for that, which was a bit odd and unnecessary.

@Hardbackwriter to be fair, I do know what its like to be absolutely on the floor and just feel rage at other people complaiing about what seem (to me) trivial issues. Its a particular mindset that didnt last very long in my case but it can be quite a dark lonely place to be. I just dont think its helpful in that situation to spend time on social media because it will keep reinforcing that bitter feeling. I found that completely stopping all social media helped me come out of it much much faster.

That's a wise post, @yetanothernamitynamechange, and a much more compassionate one than mine. You're absolutely right. I think we've all felt like that at times - after my third miscarriage I felt absolute rage at people complaining about being uncomfortable or ill in pregnancy, which made a lot of MN off-limits to me. But I agree with you that avoiding such threads is a much better solution than posting on them just to tell everyone else off for caring about their own lives and declaring that you can't summon any sympathy for them, even if that is exactly how you feel.

Years ago DS2 was hospitalised on and off for months, we had to isolate him, it took a year for him to recover, he was a toddler and missed out on so much and other than a few sympathetic texts from some relatives it felt like no one cared. I also had to take a break from social media (I haven't gone back to Facebook). My DN went through worse with cancer and again it felt like no one cared, not really, not when it affected them - being mindful of sending ill children to school knowing an immune compromised child was there trying to enjoy small slices of normality in between gruelling treatment. To be told if DN is 'that ill' he should be isolating in hospital. He had. On and off for 3 bloody years by that point and yeah I do hope those people now realise what it's like to isolate and maybe be a bit more considerate from now on. There's suffering everywhere, I don't have a limited supply of sypathy, I sympathise with all the DC have posted about, it massively sucks. I hope all our DC come out the other side unscathed.

Of course it’s having an impact on children; it’s fatuous to suggest otherwise. Why are so many people so keen to pretend everything about the covid restrictions is just fine and will have no long term consequences? Can we not accept that the restrictions are necessary while also worrying about the damage they are causing?

It absolutely did damage my DD (an only child) to have no in-person interaction with other children for a period of months during the first lockdown. It made her more anxious, volatile, and clingy to me to the point that she wouldn’t even go to the loo by herself. We are still dealing with the effects months later and I am dreading the almost inevitable announcement of more school closures.

@mintymabel, that is so cute.

I think some are conflating "feeling sorry" for children for missing experiences vs understanding that there might be an impact on their psychosocial development.

If as a result of the pandemic children for some reason had a diet of entirely refined carbs, but plentiful, would we be saying that it was poor taste to express concern for their future health as some children are starving? Posters are concerned than that this will impact on their futures in a similar way, not so much sad that poor Johnny couldn't have a normal soft play party this year (though I think it is a little bit sad too)

Part of the problem is that, if there are lots of children with issues due to delayed developments and other negative effects caused by lockdown, the help available is going to be spread far more thinly. So there will be many more children who need help at a time when much less help will be available.