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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The obligatory Bayliss and Harding...

303 replies

XmasGridlock · 25/12/2020 11:52

Have recieved two sets this year. One from FIL and one from DH's Aunt. Also had another smelly set from DSIL. I have severe Eczema and can't use any of these types of sets. No shame in saying all will be going to the charity shops in the New Year.

FIL gave DH a bunch of cash, some new clothes, chocolate bits, etc. I got a Bayliss and Harding Set I can't even use. Hmm

Anyone else get the obligatory Bayliss and Harding set? Or maybe some other unthoughtful gifts from the in laws?

OP posts:
BlackBucketOfCheese · 25/12/2020 13:39

why is B&H the one that attracts all the threads

Because they dress themselves up to look like Molton Brown or Cowshed (some of them are near identical packaging wise) and many of the people who buy them don’t realise they are buying tat.

It is utter, utter shite, I’d rather wash myself with washing up liquid and I’m by no means a luxury product snob.

NatashaGurdin · 25/12/2020 13:39

I think Women's shelters can use things like this and Homeless shelters because they are often helping people who have arrived with nothing. I expect their websites say if they can use them or not. My local one's website says they can use shower gels and deodorants so I think it is worth asking them if you are looking for somewhere to donate them.

Dillo10 · 25/12/2020 13:41

Yep... In "Rose" scent - YUCK

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 25/12/2020 13:41

@Lovemusic33

You can’t expect everyone to know you have eczema.

I have eczema too, one of my friends has given me a lovely bath bomb that I probably won’t be able to use but I will probability just put it in my bedroom to make my room smell nice. My mum usually buys me smellies too but this year she’s given me some lip balm that I can use. Also been gifted body shop hand cream which is one of the few things I can use 😁. I’m grateful for what ever I get even if I can’t use it.

I have a relative that uses all the smellies she doesn’t like on her dog, her dog always smells amazing 🤣

These are not friends who might know the ins and outs of her life. These are her Dh’s Immediate family. She has already stated that they all know she struggles with severe eczema.
AcrossthePond55 · 25/12/2020 13:42

My MiL (who did all the buying) was pretty brilliant at gifts. But after I was diagnosed with Coeliac Disease DH routinely reminded her of the need for any food gifts to be gluten free. She didn't need the reminder, but he did it just the same.

I'm surprised your DH doesn't remind them ahead of Xmas (and any other gifting occasion) that you cannot use smelly sets.

BlackBucketOfCheese · 25/12/2020 13:45

But I forget, this is MN, where everyone is allergic/has asthma/gets thrush whenever cheaper toiletries are mentioned.

Seems like you think these aren’t legitimate illnesses to be bothered by, which is interesting.

MrsMop1964 · 25/12/2020 13:47

Isn't this the women's equivalent of Lynx Africa sets? Xmas Smile

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 25/12/2020 13:48

@gamerchick my point is that at least the effort and thought and mental load of gift giving would be somewhat reciprocal. They seem to take a lot more care buying his gifts. In that case it’s unfair for OP to be dismissed and/or ignored when she does all the work. OP has no clarified that she enjoys sorting out the gifts.

To be fair to him it sounds as if he at least shares the wife work of Christmas, so that’s good.

@XmasGridlock if you want to continue being responsible for gifts then of course that’s fair enough. Next year buy gifts for yourself from everyone else. Seriously. Perhaps one big gift that you really want - the same budget put together that you spend on all of them. You are not invisible, you count too. And just accept from the outset that their gifts to you are going to be shit.

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 25/12/2020 13:49

*Has now clarified...

tectonicplates · 25/12/2020 13:52

I haven't RTFT, but if you've been given shower gel or liquid soap, you can often donate it to a food bank.

HopeClearwater · 25/12/2020 13:54

found out they are made in China

EVERYTHING is made in China 🙄 It’s the world’s factory. That’s the worst reason to knock it.

BustPipes · 25/12/2020 13:55

Eczema is actually a genuine thing.

I hate when people buy me skin stuff. I can use Dove, Nivea, Clinique (only one type though) and L'Occitane. Can use B&H hand wash for a while, but then start having to slather on the L'Occitane to stop my hands bleeding. And anything from Neal's Yard is like bathing in vinegar and then bitten by ants.

And I don't even have eczema. My sister has eczema - I would never buy her skin products or body wash.

BlackBucketOfCheese · 25/12/2020 14:01

The op said

“I have severe Eczema”

So it isn’t like she has a touch of dry skin on her hands. Severe eczema is something that will really impact her life and as she thinks this gift is thoughtless (which it is), I expect she thinks that because her FIL knows about her health condition.

Sorry you received such a rubbish and thoughtless gift OP. I hope you have a nice Christmas.

ImPrincessAurora · 25/12/2020 14:02

I got a black roll neck top from F&F from my MiL. Can’t stand roll neck style, feels suffocating and I never wear them. You’d think after 12 years with her son she may have noticed I don’t wear them.

Funny thing is, it doesn’t have tags so I wonder if someone brought it for her and it was too small.

DK123 · 25/12/2020 14:02

I wish a company would start selling gift sets for people with eczema - i would be grateful to receive those.

And yes, the expensive brands are just as bad - I've given Dior body lotion and Molton Brown hand wash to my DM because although they're nice things, I can't use them.

People aren't being spoiled and obnoxious to be disappointed with gifts they can't use. If it's from someone who ought to know you quite well, the message given suggests they haven't thought about it much. It's a toned down version of giving someone with a nut allergy a box of Ferraro Rocher.
My skin comes off in clumps and is red raw when irritated, people who know me well know I it's a big issue to me, so they don't buy me toiletries. Except exMIL who it never registered with and who used to give me B&H sets every year. The principle applies regardless of the brand, but B&H seems to be the most popular gift set choice.

Another example would be when a "close" friend i had known for decades gave me alcohol as a gift, even though I've always been a non drinker.

jessstan1 · 25/12/2020 14:04

I feel quite sad as this is the first year I have ever bought two Bayliss and Harding things as gifts but I was so taken with what I bought; the recipients don't have skin issues. I had absolutely no idea that there was snobbery about it. I almost feel like writing them an apology now.

BustPipes · 25/12/2020 14:07

It really would be nice if you could get eczema gift sets.

A massive tub of E45 just doesn't have that festive feeling.

jessstan1 · 25/12/2020 14:14

You can buy fragrance and paraben free stuff suitable for eczema that is done up nicely, I did a few years ago for a cousin. I bought it online, can't remember the name now.

I just googled Bayliss and Harding and apparently it is 'lower middle class' whereas Molton Brown is 'upper middle class'. I had no idea about any of that but I suppose I would fit into the lower middle class bracket :-) so it fits, but have unknowingly bought Molton Brown before and couldn't see the difference. I have to smile about this or I would cry. When did all this snobbery start?

What about Boots, Superdrug, M&S own brands?

NorbertMeubles · 25/12/2020 14:14

All the people defending Baylis and Harding gift sets have so obviously chucked them in their supermarket trolley and thought ' that'll do' 😀

slalomsuki · 25/12/2020 14:15

Mine is getting regifted this afternoon-is that a record?

DH gave me a bath set complete with bath bombs so I asked him if he had ever known me to have a bath in the 29 years we have been together and then the penny dropped.

So it's off to be regifted to my mum who has baths in her care home. All I'm left with is a bunch of petrol station flowers.

PoppyOppy · 25/12/2020 14:17

Don't send it to the chazzer. See if you can donate it to a women's refuge or a food bank. Sadly, both are too necessary nowadays and both need as much help as they can get.

Not an opinion I say at home as DH vehemently disagrees with me but then I've worked with people on very low incomes and he hasn't.

NatashaGurdin · 25/12/2020 14:17

@HopeClearwater

found out they are made in China

EVERYTHING is made in China 🙄 It’s the world’s factory. That’s the worst reason to knock it.

I have read that it depends if it is also sold in China because they are one of the few nations that require animal testing by law so if that is important to you then it might be a good idea to check?
Circumlocutious · 25/12/2020 14:22

@NorbertMeubles

All the people defending Baylis and Harding gift sets have so obviously chucked them in their supermarket trolley and thought ' that'll do' 😀
You’re the first person in the thread so far to spell ‘Baylis’ properly. Congrats Wink
ElBandito · 25/12/2020 14:23

@MaskingForIt

I suspect they’d be of better use given to a food bank than a charity shop.

People who are too poor to eat will be grateful for having free soap etc, and won’t be bothered by the MN snobbery.

How snobby is it not to want a pot of eczema for Christmas? On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd love to know.
Fairyliz · 25/12/2020 14:31

Send them to me I love all of this over scented stuff got skin like a rhino hide.
Is begging allowed on MN? Grin