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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - DH ruined Christmas ....again

151 replies

thelooneywitch · 25/12/2020 08:50

I'm so angry, I've gone back upstairs, I can't stand looking at him. I'm Eastern European and we celebrate Christmas on the 24th. DH had refused to go and see my family for Christmas dinner and celebration so I said I will cook dinner at home. Instead, he decided that we will spend the whole day yesterday seeing his family so I ended up not celebrating my Christmas at all this year. I was upset as this is the first time in my entire life that I didn't celebrate on the 24th. I got over it by the end of the day since we're celebrating Christmas today too. I'm pregnant and my insomnia is getting crazy, I woke up at 2am again last night and been up ever since, I'm shattered and sleep deprived. Last night I asked him to come to bed at a reasonable time as we have to be up early, he said fine. I Tried to wake him up at 5.30 to come and get everything ready for DD waking up and opening her presents, etc. He wasn't having any of it so I left him. DD woke up just before 7am and I had to tell him multiple times to get up otherwise I would've gone downstairs to open her presents with her myself without him. He managed to get up and I asked him nicely that today is about DD and making it special for her so all I ask is that he doesn't fuck off back to bed. He said ok. Instead, he went to sleep on the sofa while I was left to unpack all of her toys with her and play. Now he's refused to make or even have breakfast with us because he's tired and already sick of me moaning at him to get up and be an adult at 8am. We were scheduled to finally go and see my family at 12 today, he now said he's not coming because he's tired and he will only be seeing his family for Christmas dinner later this afternoon. I'm fuming. I said I need him to be an adult and not have a lie in today out of all the days, we were meant to have had breakfast together and then get ready to go and see my family. Not happening. I said I needed him to be up to watch DD while I get ready and he said 'it's not my fucking fault you take forever to get ready'. I haven't done a full face of makeup and my hair once this year, I was really looking forward to it after the crap yer we've had but looks like we're not going anywhere now. I'm now sat on the bed crying while he's asleep on the sofa and DD is playing on her own. Apparently I need to stop being a child and always moaning and that my New Years resolution should be just that. AIBU or is it hormones???

OP posts:
SpudsandGravy · 25/12/2020 14:34

OP, what a truly horrible sounding man! I honestly hope that this year you can get things together to leave him, so that this time next year you and DD can be together enjoying a happy day and not being dragged down by this idiot who clearly hasn't progressed mentally beyond primary school age :( Flowers

Sausages100 · 25/12/2020 20:37

Pack a bag, go to your family and stay there. My dad was like this. It ruined a lot of our a childhood. You will be happier just you and the kids.

Sausages100 · 25/12/2020 20:40

All of us have been left with issues because of my dad. Don't bring your kids up with this man. If you can leave, then please do it.

Notenoughchocolateomg · 25/12/2020 20:43

Well he's an absolute shithead. seriously OP, he sounds vile. Leave him. You will only regret it if you don't.

Lemmeout · 25/12/2020 20:45

Go see your family with your dd and make plans to leave him. He has no respect for you, your culture, and will not change.

Letthemeatcakeagain · 25/12/2020 20:45

@thelooneywitch what on earth are you having another child with this waste of space for. Ridiculous. Your poor children

justilou1 · 25/12/2020 22:06

@Letthemeatcakeagain - Well, that’s a helpful statement, isn’t it? Blaming the woman who’s come on here looking for help...

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 25/12/2020 22:10

Take your DD and go and see your family. If he can't do what you want, don't do what he wants. Bloody vile.

WeeDangerousSpike · 25/12/2020 22:23

He's an arsehole. And he's deliberately sabotaging occasions that are important to or about you. He's making you miserable and he'll make your kids miserable.
Phone your parents and tell them he's a knob, believe me, it won't be a surprise to them! Take DDs presents, and go to your parents'. Get a taxi or them to pick you up, just go there. And stay there, he's not worth the angst and heartache for one minute more.

Gobbeldegook · 25/12/2020 22:38

Go to your parents and stay there. He's an arse xx

mrsbyers · 25/12/2020 22:49

Was he drunk yesterday ?

june2007 · 25/12/2020 23:00

Getting up at 5.30 is unreasonable, falling asleep on the sofa is normal if in uk seeing two families inadvisable. But the issue that you are having problems seeing eye to eye and that you are unhappy are seriouse and obviouse. You need to discuss together what you want out of yur relationship and where you are heading because you seem to resent each other.

VetiverAndLavender · 25/12/2020 23:18

He sounds awful. The two of you should have agreed beforehand on a schedule or plan for when to wake, put out presents, etc., but it sounds like he just doesn't want you to enjoy any special occasion, ever. That's not a loving husband, and I wouldn't want to spend my life with someone who treated me that way.

I'd seriously think about whether or not the marriage is working or can be salvaged.

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2020 00:05

He’s not ruining your Christmas, he’s ruining your life.

New Year Resolution- get rid

Letthemeatcakeagain · 26/12/2020 00:15

@justilou1 at what point do women have to take any responsibility for their actions? An innocent child is being taken into this situation knowingly by @thelooneywitch

He always turns it around on me like it's my fault. I can't remember a year where he didn't ruin my birthday, Mother's Day or anything that was meant to be special to me. I never get an apology either because in his eyes, I'm the one that's in the wrong and expect too much

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 26/12/2020 00:23

Truly hope you got to your parents today op Flowers I’d make your new year’s resolution to seriously consider if you want to remain in this relationship.

grapewine · 26/12/2020 00:46

What an absolute bastard. My New Year's resolution would be to start over without him. You'd be so much happier, I bet.

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/12/2020 01:26

I can't remember a year where he didn't ruin my birthday, Mother's Day or anything that was meant to be special to me.

Why are you still with him? Does he do anything that makes you think he sees you as special?

I get all the comments about getting up at 5:30 being totally unnecessary, but unless you demand something equally taxing for every celebration it doesn't sound like that's the crux of the issue. And it doesn't explain why he wouldn't spend the 24th your way or visit your family at all.

Jux · 26/12/2020 01:36

after the crap year we've had

You'll have many more because he's a crap man.

Dump him, find a different one, then you'll have better years. As grapewine says ^^, your NY resolution should be to start over without him. Give yourself permission to create a happy life for both you and your baby.

What's worse than staying with a crap man for however long you've been with him? Staying with him for that long + a day; and that long + a day, + another day.....

ConservativeDC · 26/12/2020 02:25

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

funfunfunfunfun · 26/12/2020 02:44

@ConservativeDC you the husband?

yelyah22 · 26/12/2020 02:49

He sounds horrible, OP. One year, I could get it - it's been a shit year, everyone's a bit fractious. But the fact he makes you feel like shit any special day as though you're being unreasonable for wanting it to be nice means he's not very nice.

ConservativeDC · 26/12/2020 03:11

This reply has been deleted

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Catsup · 26/12/2020 03:36

I think it's beyond shitty that he totally ignored your cultural heritage of celebrating on the 24th to be honest. That's part of who you are and he basically just told you to fuck off and forget about it because it's not important to him, with zero insight from him about the importance to you. Relationships are supposed to be about give and take and respecting the views of each other. It doesn't sound like he's hearing you at all.

herbie01 · 26/12/2020 05:20

@Mamabear12 hope you don't bother buying your grinch husband a xmas present !

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