AIBU - DH ruined Christmas ....again

[thelooneywitch]

I'm so angry, I've gone back upstairs, I can't stand looking at him. I'm Eastern European and we celebrate Christmas on the 24th. DH had refused to go and see my family for Christmas dinner and celebration so I said I will cook dinner at home. Instead, he decided that we will spend the whole day yesterday seeing his family so I ended up not celebrating my Christmas at all this year. I was upset as this is the first time in my entire life that I didn't celebrate on the 24th. I got over it by the end of the day since we're celebrating Christmas today too. I'm pregnant and my insomnia is getting crazy, I woke up at 2am again last night and been up ever since, I'm shattered and sleep deprived. Last night I asked him to come to bed at a reasonable time as we have to be up early, he said fine. I Tried to wake him up at 5.30 to come and get everything ready for DD waking up and opening her presents, etc. He wasn't having any of it so I left him. DD woke up just before 7am and I had to tell him multiple times to get up otherwise I would've gone downstairs to open her presents with her myself without him. He managed to get up and I asked him nicely that today is about DD and making it special for her so all I ask is that he doesn't fuck off back to bed. He said ok. Instead, he went to sleep on the sofa while I was left to unpack all of her toys with her and play. Now he's refused to make or even have breakfast with us because he's tired and already sick of me moaning at him to get up and be an adult at 8am. We were scheduled to finally go and see my family at 12 today, he now said he's not coming because he's tired and he will only be seeing his family for Christmas dinner later this afternoon. I'm fuming. I said I need him to be an adult and not have a lie in today out of all the days, we were meant to have had breakfast together and then get ready to go and see my family. Not happening. I said I needed him to be up to watch DD while I get ready and he said 'it's not my fucking fault you take forever to get ready'. I haven't done a full face of makeup and my hair once this year, I was really looking forward to it after the crap yer we've had but looks like we're not going anywhere now. I'm now sat on the bed crying while he's asleep on the sofa and DD is playing on her own. Apparently I need to stop being a child and always moaning and that my New Years resolution should be just that. AIBU or is it hormones???

It wasn’t until my best friend had years of this on repeat (at Xmas and throughout the year) that she finally got the message and LTB with 3 kids. Her life isn’t easy but boy is she happy and settled, and has found Prince Charming who is treating her kids like his own.

I'm sorry you're having another child with this giant arsehole. He will drag you down and make everything about what he wants by the sounds of it. I'd ponder leaving him.

@PicsInRed

Sleep cuntnea more like.

Comment of the year.

Put your child, her toys and your make up bag in the car and go to your parents. Have your bath there while they enjoy their grandchild and go home when you are ready. Let your 'D'H sort out his own day however he sees fit.

Great idea. You relax there and let your family your dc xx

Go and stay with your family the full day, he can fuck off to his family alone.

Some men are Christmas grinches. I’m married to one as well unfortunately. He complains about the toys, the unhealthy food (not even that unhealthy and we barely have any treats etc). And we are a slim family so if we wanted to indulge one day who cares!! Not that it matters if we weren’t slim, but really he has no reason to complain. Every Christmas I’m left to buy and wrap all the gifts myself. Last Christmas I just had a baby (our third) and as usual I’m left to do everything myself. At 3am after the baby woke to breastfeed and I settled her back to sleep I went downstairs to finish wrapping and putting gifts out for Santa!!!

Let’s just say Christmas is not my favourite and it’s sad. I think it happens to a lot. But there are also many partners out there who are helpful etc.

I would also be taking any and all steps necessary to leave him/get him to leave.

Go to your family with dd op. Either call a taxi or ask your family to come and get you. Then in the new year speak to a solicitor about divorcing the useless cunt you're married to.

You should leave him as he does nothing to make you happy or take care of his pregnant partner

Did you try to get him out of bed at 5:30 to do stuff ? That was only thing I would have had a problem with.

Hang on so you can drive - just take his keys and go for the day.

Honestly he has done a number on you.

Take his keys and leave. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

And 100% divorce him. He is an abusive shit

I had an ex like this. Make sure next Christmas is better by getting fucking rid.

Fuck sake, the one day of the year you’ve asked him to be an adult and not an irrational child.

I’d be absolutely fuming!!!

He’s an arse, you can’t make him what you want him to be. My (D) H is like this and I just carry on without him. Just get on with it.

He sounds really awful. I’m so sorry. I agree with everyone else, get an Uber and go see your family without him, you and your DD will have a much nicer time. I hope you’re okay, please don’t let him treat you like this xx

I’d also find a way to get to your family with DD, and leave him to it.

Why didn't you go off yesterday to your parents alone with DD? You could have opted to have a big celebration yesterday

Personally I would have cracked on with everything myself, told him only once when things were starting (visits, gifts) and let him miss out if uninterested. His loss.

If being disengaged is the norm maybe it’s time to rethink your partnership

Aren’t you on the car insurance?

Can your family collect you?

Taxi?

@thelooneywitch

He always turns it around on me like it's my fault. I can't remember a year where he didn't ruin my birthday, Mother's Day or anything that was meant to be special to me. I never get an apology either because in his eyes, I'm the one that's in the wrong and expect too much. I can't go because I no longer have a car and he just physically will not get up to take me and even if I asked him to, he would blame me of 'ruining Christmas' by kicking up a fuss.

I really hope you did manage to get to your family by some means.

He is an arsehole.. but this.. this is a MASSIVE red flag, huge.. this is emotional abuse, and something my Ex used to do.. and not the word 'Ex'

I left him 3 years ago, haven't looked back or regretted it for a second. He systematically ruined every birthday, mothers day and christmas.. mine, his, the kids, with his tantrums and evil, abusive behaviour.

The last straw was the year i was crying my eyes out on the phone to my mom on mothers day at 11am when he'd stayed up drinking until 3am, and i had to get up with both children, he'd stayed in bed.. i had no cards, no presents, nothing.

Please let this be your last straw, i am rarely a LTB kind of poster.. but this? This won't improve. Leave him.

The clue is in her ruins significant dates for you. He is spoiling it on purpose wether it’s subconscious or not.

Don’t let him control you like this

sounds like you need the gift of devorce papers for xmas.

I had one exactly like this. Everything was my fault and he loved nothing more than rubbing anything that was special to me. Started as him shouting, storming off and ended up with him getting violent every time I had the cheek to talk back to him. Christmas Day 1999 I was a single mum with two kids, a 15 month old and a 2 week old. I had done everything. Night feeds, shopping, cooking, the hot. Christmas morning he wouldn't get up. At 10.30am after the 7th request I packed the presents , booze, food into the boot of my metro, filled my babies carry cot with clothes, nappies and bottles etc, strained the kids into the car and I left. I had to live in a bedroom with barely enough room for a single bed and two cots. My clothes lived in under bed boxes as that was ask the space we had. But it was the best thing I ever did.

I found a partner a few years later and he is exactly that. My partner. My equal. We work together and he has never missed a single special event or treated us like we are an inconvenience.

Get rid of him my lovely. Go to your family. Don't look back

Just take your child and visit your parents? Taxis/Uber etc are still running. Maybe your parents would pick you up?