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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - DH ruined Christmas ....again

151 replies

thelooneywitch · 25/12/2020 08:50

I'm so angry, I've gone back upstairs, I can't stand looking at him. I'm Eastern European and we celebrate Christmas on the 24th. DH had refused to go and see my family for Christmas dinner and celebration so I said I will cook dinner at home. Instead, he decided that we will spend the whole day yesterday seeing his family so I ended up not celebrating my Christmas at all this year. I was upset as this is the first time in my entire life that I didn't celebrate on the 24th. I got over it by the end of the day since we're celebrating Christmas today too. I'm pregnant and my insomnia is getting crazy, I woke up at 2am again last night and been up ever since, I'm shattered and sleep deprived. Last night I asked him to come to bed at a reasonable time as we have to be up early, he said fine. I Tried to wake him up at 5.30 to come and get everything ready for DD waking up and opening her presents, etc. He wasn't having any of it so I left him. DD woke up just before 7am and I had to tell him multiple times to get up otherwise I would've gone downstairs to open her presents with her myself without him. He managed to get up and I asked him nicely that today is about DD and making it special for her so all I ask is that he doesn't fuck off back to bed. He said ok. Instead, he went to sleep on the sofa while I was left to unpack all of her toys with her and play. Now he's refused to make or even have breakfast with us because he's tired and already sick of me moaning at him to get up and be an adult at 8am. We were scheduled to finally go and see my family at 12 today, he now said he's not coming because he's tired and he will only be seeing his family for Christmas dinner later this afternoon. I'm fuming. I said I need him to be an adult and not have a lie in today out of all the days, we were meant to have had breakfast together and then get ready to go and see my family. Not happening. I said I needed him to be up to watch DD while I get ready and he said 'it's not my fucking fault you take forever to get ready'. I haven't done a full face of makeup and my hair once this year, I was really looking forward to it after the crap yer we've had but looks like we're not going anywhere now. I'm now sat on the bed crying while he's asleep on the sofa and DD is playing on her own. Apparently I need to stop being a child and always moaning and that my New Years resolution should be just that. AIBU or is it hormones???

OP posts:
Heyahun · 25/12/2020 10:20

Ok get yourself and tour daughter ready, pack up her presents! And an overnight bag! Call a taxi or get someone from your family to com and get you!

I would absolutely be spending no more time with that man today !

So sorry he’s so horrible!

rorosemary · 25/12/2020 10:21

Why are you with him? He ENJOYS making you and your dd miserable.

lazylump72 · 25/12/2020 10:22

OP I am so sorry...make anew years resolution to spend next christmas far away from hm..it will be the best present you and your children ever have...

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/12/2020 10:24

@BubblyBarbara

Could he have sleep apnea or something?
So?

I have severe sleep apnea but I was up half the night doing Santa and still got up early to see dc opening everything.

Sleep apnea doesn't excuse his behavior.

PumpkinPie2016 · 25/12/2020 10:24

He's being an arse.

If you don't have a car, either ask a family member to come and collect you (if necessary, just make an excuse that he is unwell) or get an uber. Go this morning so you have time to do make up if you wish.

If you can't get a lift, get an uber.

I'd be taking an overnight bag and staying over too.

BreatheAndFocus · 25/12/2020 10:30

He’s treating you like shit. I doubt he loves you at all. What a horrible, ignorant man! Can’t be bothered to look after his pregnant wife or make any effort for his DD. Purposely sabotages your plans to see your family. Nasty, nasty pig!

Get to your parents with DD if you can. Ignore him. Mentally write him out of Christmas and don’t rely on him for anything.

After New Year I’d be thinking really carefully about how he treats you and the fact you could do SO much better. FWIW my brother has an East European wife. Not only do they celebrate Xmas Eve according to her tradition, they visit her whole family in Eastern Europe to do so - all organised by my brother because he loves and cherishes his wife.

You don’t have to be treated like this. X

Kokosrieksts · 25/12/2020 10:31

He’s a twat.

Wheresmykimchi · 25/12/2020 10:33

@Alexa1990

Please do all of the above.

Pack the car, with your DD, toys, clothes overnight bag and make up. Shower and get ready at your parents whilst they enjoy your daughter. Then enjoy Xmas and in a few days time plan how to leave this hideous man. Focus on your dd and unborn baby. You’re better off a happy single mother than a controlled one with a hideous man.

If you can’t drive then a taxi, or call parents. Parents always understand.

Ps- your husband is verbally abusing and controlling you. It is not normal or ok.

This.
LaLaLandIsNoFun · 25/12/2020 10:39

Your husband is an utterly unreasonable, lazy, selfish cunt

Beautifulbonnie · 25/12/2020 10:40

Just don’t take his car

If it’s brought in his name. He could have you done for stealing it. If he was this petty.

tara66 · 25/12/2020 10:44

OP - try to enjoy your day and ignore DH (if you can!).

An0n0n0n · 25/12/2020 10:46

I know you haven't said this OP but this is exactly why staying together for the kids is a bad reason. There's no way your daughter is go8ng to be happy with another 10+ years of tiptoeing around him. You and her would be happier if you planned to spend it alone without managing his moods

MojoMoon · 25/12/2020 10:50

He will never change.

Every special occasion will be like this

But you have the power to leave and create a happier life elsewhere.

Thedarknightsaredrawingin · 25/12/2020 10:52

I never say this but give your child the best Christmas present ever... kick him out as soon as you can!

Thehop · 25/12/2020 11:06

Can you get a taxi or relative to collect you? X

Butchyrestingface · 25/12/2020 11:10

Could he have sleep apnea or something?

Or something. It's called being a cunt.

BonnieDundee · 25/12/2020 11:10

Take your DD and go.to your family. And have a think hard about whether you want to come back to this selfish bastard. He can do his own Christmas

Potatoespuds · 25/12/2020 11:13

Just go. He isn’t worth it. Book a taxi or something. There is always a way. You and your daughter deserve time with your family.

Then seriously consider getting rid of him.

PandemicPavolova · 25/12/2020 11:14

Go to your parents op, it sounds like it would be far more fun without him there.

I definitely in the... Why on earth are you waking up at 5 30 am camp?
Surely everyone preps at night...

I can't blame him for falling asleep either.. I'm about to go now.

But over all he sounds un invested in you and the dc so I'd just be doing my own thing. Trying to have him by your side today and behaving how you want him too, isn't going to happen... Maybe going to your dp for a few nights without fuss or drama, just go.. May make him think...

thetoughhaveleft · 25/12/2020 11:16

Why, oh why, do women get pregnant with idiots like this.

coconutpie · 25/12/2020 11:17

Go to your parents - can they come and collect you? Start your New Year with a resolution to divorce your gaslighting abusive husband. I'm sorry Thanks

FrenchBoule · 25/12/2020 11:21

OP,I’m also Eastern European and pre-kids after yet another Christmas Eve spent running around his relatives despite multiple explanations that this day is important I refused to go anywhere.

I told him he was welcome to go on Christmas Eve without me,eventually we started visiting his relatives on different weekends in December.

I was sick of seeing everybody sitting nicely ready for Christmas when our tree was still bare and house was a mess.

If he’s so incompatible with your life I’d make my plans to leave if he doesn’t bring anything to your life instead of snapping and accusing you of nagging.

Merry Christmas

Lookslikerainted · 25/12/2020 11:22

He is a word I can’t write on here. What are his redeeming qualities?

Nomoreporridge · 25/12/2020 11:24

@thelooneywitch

He always turns it around on me like it's my fault. I can't remember a year where he didn't ruin my birthday, Mother's Day or anything that was meant to be special to me. I never get an apology either because in his eyes, I'm the one that's in the wrong and expect too much. I can't go because I no longer have a car and he just physically will not get up to take me and even if I asked him to, he would blame me of 'ruining Christmas' by kicking up a fuss.
This sounds like my ex. He would always find a way to purposefully ruin birthdays, mother’s days, Christmas because he knew it was important to me. He’d make a point of ‘forgetting’ to buy mother’s days cards etc, play up on the day, start sulking, refuse to get out of bed. All of it.

So can I say, you are the one in the right here. It is not your imagination.

Don’t give him the satisfaction. As other posters have said, go to your family and have a lovely time.

Wishing you a lovely Christmas Flowers

wonderstuff · 25/12/2020 11:27

Bless you, he's a complete dick. Can someone from your family come and collect you? Could you drive his car?
Your resolution needs to be to have left him.this time next year.
Flowers

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