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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS came home drunk tonight

132 replies

DSCAMEHOMEDRUNK · 25/12/2020 00:13

I feel terrible. Like a fool I let him go out with his friends tonight and he has come home hammered. I can’t get much out of him as he is so out of it. He’s a mature 14 but hasn’t done anything like this before. What should I do?

OP posts:
Confusedandshaken · 25/12/2020 04:39

Lol at a lot of (presumably) adults too drunk to type straight or read the thread properly all judging a teenager!

I'd let it go OP. As this thread has shown it's hard for adults to know when to stop drinking and for an inexperienced teenager it's even harder. I'd see it as a life lesson for him. Obviously if he started to make a habit of it you would need to start imposing some sort of sanction but as a one off I wouldn't let it spoil Christmas any more than it has already.

I can remember my own horror when my daughter got so drunk on illicit booze at her 16th birthday party that she was sick within the first hour and then slept through the whole night while her friends partied. She is a very abstemious 30 something now. One youthful mistake is not necessarily the first step on the road to ruin.

honeybooboo1394 · 25/12/2020 04:40

@SantasAnus

The fact that you "let him go out", is a situation in itself OP.

It intimates that he has acted like a twat on many an occasion, but you have conceded on this occasion to 'let him go out' against your better judgement.

What's the saying? Insanity is repeating something and expecting the outcome to be different.

That's paraphrasing, but you get the jist.

@SantasAnus that's so harsh and critical :(

I saw the post afterward but... just not sure why you would blame OP for this regardless?

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 25/12/2020 04:46

My dd has been given an instrument set for Christmas . I'd be so tempted to wake him up with a morning symphony orchestra Xmas Grin

AlternativePerspective · 25/12/2020 05:03

In my house I made a rule very early on (my DS is now eighteen), if he’d been drinking he can call me and I will make sure he gets home, whenever that is.

If he comes home drunk I won’t judge, as long as he tells me what he’s had and how much so I can make sure he’s safe.

Any hangover will be the consequence.

Thus far it hasn’t happened.

I am teetotal btw, but many are not, and as a parent you have to be ready for these things to happen. Much better that you know about them than that they end up somewhere else and in trouble.

LovingLen · 25/12/2020 05:42

DS did this at 15, he felt quite bad the next day iirc he slept on bathroom floor covered with blanket as he was sick a couple of times, it was summer though. He didn't do it again.

I'm guessing OP is in tier 2 where you can meet 6 people outside or in a garden or even tier 1 so quite feasible that the DS might be out with opportunity to do this for those mentioning pandemic.

moose62 · 25/12/2020 07:02

When both my teenagers did this u made sure they were safe but said nothing. They were both so worried at my silence that it worked far better than a telling off.

Bluntness100 · 25/12/2020 07:15

Gosh, mumsnet loves a bit of punishment don’t they.

Op, lots of kids do this, it’s a right of passage. It’s experimenting with booze, fitting in with mates, pretending to be a grown up. Don’t ruin Christmas over it. Talk to him, don’t punish him. Give him some nurofen and water and something to eat when he wakes up. And speak to him about alcohol and the dangers of it, about learning his limits, about not drinking at his age etc, trust me, he’s going to feel shit enough as it is.

PhilCornwall1 · 25/12/2020 07:21

Gosh, mumsnet loves a bit of punishment don’t they.

For some, even a sniff of alcohol is a hanging offence and that's just for adults!!

Biancadelrioisback · 25/12/2020 07:22

The first time I got drunk, my parents made me get up at a normal time the next day and gave me some jobs to do around the house. They weren't cross or angry with me, but if I complained they just told me it was my own fault.
He'll feel bad enough tomorrow, just don't let him spoil your Christmas

year5teacher · 25/12/2020 07:24

Ah, the rite of passage. I’d be annoyed if I’d put a lot of effort into Christmas and then my child was hungover all day but let’s be honest, most of us have done it. Punishment enough for him to feel awful all day tomorrow.

CaraDuneRedux · 25/12/2020 07:25

Oh dear Grin

My DS is a year or so off this age and I can totally see this being me posting in the next few years. (And it could have been worse - I remember one of my school friends bring taken to A&E to have her stomach pumped at that age Shock.)

Hugs OP - no need for punishment, maybe a bit of gentle ribbing and a reminder that part of growing up is learning your limits.

Have a nice Christmas!

year5teacher · 25/12/2020 07:25

@Bluntness100

Gosh, mumsnet loves a bit of punishment don’t they.

Op, lots of kids do this, it’s a right of passage. It’s experimenting with booze, fitting in with mates, pretending to be a grown up. Don’t ruin Christmas over it. Talk to him, don’t punish him. Give him some nurofen and water and something to eat when he wakes up. And speak to him about alcohol and the dangers of it, about learning his limits, about not drinking at his age etc, trust me, he’s going to feel shit enough as it is.

Couldn’t agree more with this.
sashh · 25/12/2020 07:33

I more mean should I punish or should I just chalk up to experience and tell him not to do it again. Also yes thanks for the safety advice

You chalk it up to experience.

You also tell him if he is ever in a situation where he is not safe ie friends goading him to drink more then you will collect him, or send a cab and he should come home.

The last thing you want is a 15 year old deciding to sleep on a park bench because last year he was in deep shit for being drunk.

Doingitaloneandproud · 25/12/2020 07:35

@Bluntness100

Gosh, mumsnet loves a bit of punishment don’t they.

Op, lots of kids do this, it’s a right of passage. It’s experimenting with booze, fitting in with mates, pretending to be a grown up. Don’t ruin Christmas over it. Talk to him, don’t punish him. Give him some nurofen and water and something to eat when he wakes up. And speak to him about alcohol and the dangers of it, about learning his limits, about not drinking at his age etc, trust me, he’s going to feel shit enough as it is.

Agree with this.

OP I remember doing this when I was young, it was drinking in then park back then Grin

InFiveMins · 25/12/2020 07:38

Don't be ridiculous OP - you can't punish a 14 year old for being a 14 year old. Most of us have all been there. He probably feels stupid and will have wrecked his own Christmas anyway with a banging headache when he wakes up!

peboh · 25/12/2020 07:40

@Bluntness100

Gosh, mumsnet loves a bit of punishment don’t they.

Op, lots of kids do this, it’s a right of passage. It’s experimenting with booze, fitting in with mates, pretending to be a grown up. Don’t ruin Christmas over it. Talk to him, don’t punish him. Give him some nurofen and water and something to eat when he wakes up. And speak to him about alcohol and the dangers of it, about learning his limits, about not drinking at his age etc, trust me, he’s going to feel shit enough as it is.

I agree with this completely. Dont punish him, just have a conversation about it later.
billybagpuss · 25/12/2020 07:46

Enjoy Christmas, laugh at his discomfort, just tell him you don’t think he made the best choices but he has to be amicable today, he’s not allowed to ruin Christmas by having a grumpy hangover.

Don’t make him feel judged and awkward, next time it happens you want him to know he can come home.

Esspee · 25/12/2020 08:03

Don’t do anything except keep him in the recovery position with a bucket and towel nearby. Wake him early to enjoy the massive hangover for longer and keep him awake.. Do not give painkillers. Enjoy loud music.
Let him experience the results of his actions.
This is how they learn.

nannybeach · 25/12/2020 08:04

Yes, conversation to be had my youngest DS did this at 11, he came home from his mates house all giggly, he was having a sleep over, sorted with the parents, and they had gone out for an evening, he wasn't ill though.

movingonup20 · 25/12/2020 08:08

Chalk up to experience, the hangover is punishment enough. We all did it at some point. If getting drunk becomes a regular occurrence of course you need to act but as a one off it's part of growing up. My dd was 15 the first time, wasn't the last but she's never needed me to help her since, knows when to stop, not that drunk

movingonup20 · 25/12/2020 08:12

If you have sparkling orange eg Fanta that seems to help, or add sparking water to oj.

BeautifulTree · 25/12/2020 08:18

@DSCAMEHOMEDRUNK

I more mean should I punish or should I just chalk up to experience and tell him not to do it again. Also yes thanks for the safety advice
chalk it up to experience. We have all been there. Some of us when we are 48 Blush
FippertyGibbett · 25/12/2020 08:23

I would say to him that you don’t want him to ruin Christmas, so you’ll talk about it after and he’s not going out until you’ve had that talk.

Skipsurvey · 25/12/2020 08:28

ds did this at new years eve one year. it was a big deal to me,
just keep an eye on him op
he probably wont even get a hangover tbh

RabbityMcRabbit · 25/12/2020 08:32

I'd have a talk with him on Boxing Day about why it wasn't a good idea, but I don't think you need to punish him, his hangover from hell will do that for you. Give him lots of water and put a bin next to his bed with towels under it in case he misses. Then have a nice Christmas Day. Love a PP's idea of putting paracetamol in his stocking Grin