HES BLOODY BOUGHT ME A PRESENT

[binkyblinky]

We've just moved house and it's been an expensive year. I've just been sorting the kids gifts into piles and found one for me.

We agreed no gifts and I've got him absolutely nothing. Nothing from the children, I've stuck to the agreement.

He goes way above every year gifts wise and now I feel so guilty 🙁

Whatever you do @binkyblinky whether it's bedroom vouchers (no it's not grim it's light hearted fun) or something homemade or get something next year or nothing at all as agreed ...have a fantastic Christmas.

Two SEN children - my hats off to you xx Have a good one!

@Katinski

"real red flag" "potential financial abuse" ? Cheesus!

It's not uncommon for people not to spot these subtle indicators. I always think if we see anything that could be abusive we should speak up.

@Sexnotgender

Tough shit! If you say no presents then you can’t be upset you don’t get one.

If he wants to buy one for you that’s on him, no need to reciprocate.

This.

@binkyblinky

^*Eldest son says 'it isn't about gifts it's about friends and family, if he loves you and wants to be with you, that's the greatest gift of all. That's the meaning of Christmas'

He's autistic - made me laugh!*^

I love this!! He sounds like a wee cracker 🥰 x

peppita
Did someone seriously say bedroom vouchers? Who does that? Gross. 🤢
Maybe it was an adult with a sense of humour.

Or maybe two consenting adults with a great sex life...... imagine that!

A bit of a laugh whilst enjoying sex!

@ToffeeNotCoffee Confused that your comment quotes mine, as my point was much the same as yours??

I don't believe that a 'bedroom voucher' automatically suggests coercion, guilt or abuse in a balanced and happy relationship. I give them to DP because we have a fun sex life and they're a joke. Nothing more or less. When he 'claims' them (if he ever even does) it's a request not a demand and requires the same consent as anything else we do.

Online escape room voucher?

Fucking hell. Some of the posts on here have really jumped the mn shark.

It seems like his previous gifts have been something that includes him too (gig tickets, holiday etc.)
Perhaps he’s got you a present for both of you? Or a a ‘Homer Simpson Bowling Ball’ pressie as we call them

Hope you have a lovely Christmas anyway.

At least you got a present, I haven't even got a bloody card from my husband or "from our two year old"

Not that I made all the effort to buy and put up Christmas decorations, brought extended family presents and he really made all the effort

Thank you so much @SkySports

Yes it's tough, two Sen and they aren't my husbands biological children (we have a toddler) but he treats them as his own!

God there are some miserable people on here aren't there. Two simple things and I'm in an abusive relationship! Perhaps I should LTB? Errr ... no.

I love him and if I want to do something funny for him I bloody well will. He looks after us, treats us all with kindness and respect. So miserable man haters please go away. They aren't all bad.

When we got together I was in a huge amount of debt. He helped me clear it. I'm still doing so. I'll get there!

Don’t feel bad he’s obviously wanted to buy you something and not receive. My husband did this the second year we were married and agreed no gifts - we were in Egypt and he’d packed them in his case , he ended up with a fake Rolex 😀

Hi OP

Dont feel guilt, and quite right not to listen to the misery’s on here

Dh and I agreed no presents this year (stockings excepted) but I’ve still got him something, only because I happened by chance on something I knew he’d really like - he’s usually an absolute bugger to buy for.

@binkyblinky

Eldest son says 'it isn't about gifts it's about friends and family, if he loves you and wants to be with you, that's the greatest gift of all. That's the meaning of Christmas'

He's autistic - made me laugh!

@binkyblinky that's the sweetest thing! 💜

He sounds like a lovely man! My DH has caught me out in a similar fashion before so I understand how you feel.

As for Metallica, I’ve seen then them a similar amount of times but am very jealous about Lisbon!
Was lucky enough to meet them a few years ago. I still pinch myself!

He's really cross / disappointed well that says it all for me OP - it really does!!! and it wasn't you who suggested the "bedroom vouchers" it was @TeenageMutantNinjaCovid (not to be opened in front of children).

My DD says it's not about the presents, it's about spending time together. She is 8. Could not be prouder of her. No idea where she gets it from.

Same happened to me last year, he got me 2 really thoughtful gifts and he had nothing to open at all. I felt so bad but we were broke!

@peppita

So many people think it's completely normal to feel guilted into having sex with their partners on this thread. Or feel as though it's something transactional.

Yikes!

No... nobody thinks that at all, you've completely made that up! It was something that was a bit of a joke, some people enjoy doing things like that in the bedroom, just because it's not your thing doesn't mean it's sinister or wrong in anyway.

I think you've tried to be an uber cool feminist and you've completely missed the mark, women should have full choice and autonomy over their own sexual encounters, which at no point has the OP suggested that's not the case here. Why the fuck do we live in a time where if a woman wants to have exciting sex with her husband she's being shamed for it and being told shes 'gross'

Honestly I would just accept it gracefully & say thank you. Maybe later in private remind him about your agreement of no presents. Do something nice, presents don’t have to cost money.

He's worked so hard this year, and I've had so many expenses, he suggested it so I didn't have to worry about what to buy him and for how much
Then accept our in the spirit is given, and is it pleases you to show your gratitude in the form of something he can claim from a voucher then ignore the pearl clutching on here 😂

Bedroom vouchers are only grim if you don't want to do the things on the voucher with the person you're giving them to surely?? I'm guessing OP is perfectly happy having sex with her OH so I don't see what's grim.

And when you've been guilted into it?

But he hasn't filled her into it. His plan was she's fine the present tomorrow and then it would be too late to get anything in return.

Unless you're suggesting he thought haha I'll buy her a present and then she has to give me the sex I demand whenever I demand it because I brought her a present. Even if she doesn't want to. Yes, that's how I'll justify sexually abusing my wife.

More likely be didn't expect anything in return and if op does give him vouchers, it's for things she likes too and they both have to be in the mood.

Thankyou everyone, it was a set of crochet hooks I've been wanting to replace my old set! Not expensive, just a set of basic Pony ones. I broke my fave 5mm hook the other day and he replaced it for me because I'm half way through a blanket! I'm super pleased!

binkyblinky I had a voucher for my birthday and bought a crochet set. I love it, it is my favourite thing. So glad you got something that is so thoughtful.