HES BLOODY BOUGHT ME A PRESENT

[binkyblinky]

We've just moved house and it's been an expensive year. I've just been sorting the kids gifts into piles and found one for me.

We agreed no gifts and I've got him absolutely nothing. Nothing from the children, I've stuck to the agreement.

He goes way above every year gifts wise and now I feel so guilty 🙁

In the past I've had dyson hairdryer, dyson straighteners, tickets and hotel in to Iceland, tickets to see Metallica in Portugal

He sounds like a good present giver!

and i thought what your son said was so sweet!

So many people think it's completely normal to feel guilted into having sex with their partners on this thread. Or feel as though it's something transactional.

Yikes!

Nice humblebrag!

@binkyblinky it sounds as if you have had some fantastic gifts in the past and I hope you’ve got something equally fabulous this year.

Some of the responses on this thread are really saddening. I interpreted this as an OP who has a DH who really appreciates her, wants to spoil her and buys her really nice gifts to show his love. “Bedroom vouchers” are surely just a joke way of saying “Hey, I really love and appreciate you too”? This shouldn’t mean that the OP offers anything that she wouldn’t normally be happy with or that if she’s really tired/unwell one evening that her DH can then show the voucher and demand a blow job. If that’s not your experience of a relationship then I’m sorry, you’ve had a shit partner but nothing the OP has said suggests that’s how she feels.

FWIW I would actually do what your son suggests, write him a note telling him how much you love him and why and what your hopes are for you both in 2021.

Have a lovely Xmas.

Not too late to buy him tickets to Question of Sport live tour. Just done that for DH.

If we'd agreed no presents then DH did get me one, I'd certainly not be rushing to the shops at this late stage. Say thanks gracefully and have a conversation about it after Christmas.

I love doing coupons! Could you do them for other things too? A day ‘off’, a hobby day, a meal out etc

I agree with PP that gifts shouldn't have to be reciprocal. If you have agreed no gifts and he has decided to break that agreement that's his choice. It shouldn't burden you with having to scrape around for something to even things up. This applies particularly with shared finances. If you've agreed not to give presents because money is tight it seems extra ridiculous to buy him something 'just' to even things up.

I speak as someone who will get nothing from DH this year and likes it that way. We long ago gave up on Christmas/Birthday gifts. We are old and relatively well off and have everything we need and if one of us wants something that we can afford we just buy it. Christmas for us is about lovely meals, togetherness and treating the younger generation. We don't need a gift wrapped something under the tree to prove we love another.

All that being said I have bought DH a box of a hard to get food stuff he particularly likes which I will give him on Christmas Day. I've done it to make him happy. I'd be very annoyed if he felt he had to reciprocate by rushing out to buy me something random from Tesco which wouldn't be as meaningful.

Jesus. Just enjoy your present. Not everything has to be transactional.

I agree with @ElfieElington... He's got cash to splash but you have to scramble around for some? It reeks of financial abuse tbh

@peppita

Did someone seriously say bedroom vouchers? Who does that? Gross. 🤢

DP had a selection in his (home-made with much thought) advent calendar, along all manner of more PG 'vouchers'.

I put them in there as bit of fun between 2 consenting adults, apologies if this offends your 'Missionary on Sunday nights with the lights off' sensibilities

Back to the thread anyway, OP please don't feel in anyway guilty or indebted, he made the choice to break your agreement. Enjoy your gift and if you can without breaking the bank then spoil him at his next birthday x

@Sexnotgender

Tough shit! If you say no presents then you can’t be upset you don’t get one.

If he wants to buy one for you that’s on him, no need to reciprocate.

Agree with this 100%.

He's worked so hard this year, and I've had so many expenses, he suggested it so I didn't have to worry about what to buy him and for how much Why not just take it in the spirit it was given? He didn't want you to worry about him but he wanted to give you something. He sounds lovely and I think you son is right. Aren't you lucky to have a husband and son who are so lovely.

Enjoy your present. In the New Year you might see something perfect for him and it can be a spontaneous present.

He's got cash to splash but you have to scramble around for some? It reeks of financial abuse tbh How rude to ignore what the OP has said and turn it into something nasty.

Some people must have such sad lives.

I don't think it's rude to point out something which maybe OP should know.

The fact that he bought a gift when they agreed no gifts is actually a real red flag to me. He has made OP feel bad deliberately. Add in the fact that he actually had much more money to play with and I would say there absolutely is potential financial abuse going on. Something for OP to think about anyway.

"real red flag" "potential financial abuse" ?
Cheesus!

@peppita

So many people think it's completely normal to feel guilted into having sex with their partners on this thread. Or feel as though it's something transactional.

Yikes!

No, they don’t. You made that up. Yikes indeed.

@peppita

So many people think it's completely normal to feel guilted into having sex with their partners on this thread. Or feel as though it's something transactional.

Yikes!

She isnt being fucking guilted into sex, where did you get that?

She made a lightheart thread about her generous husband and said she felt slightly guilty for not getting him a gift she then HERSELF said she does the bedroom vouchers every year anyway, not through guilt but because she enjoys sex with her partner.

I'm guessing from your utter outrage at the idea of any sex that you must be agressively A-sexual and thats fine your bedroom activities are your own choice (just as the OPs are hers) but bugger off attacking other women for wanting to sleep with their partners... no one is being forced, guilted or god damn raped and no woman has to do anything she doesnt want (regardless of what others do in their bedroom) but she absoloutly has the right to have sex with her partner if she chooses in any way including 'bedroom vouchers'.

I think your anger on this issue may require actual therepy to figure out what scarred you so badly because its not healthy to be so against private consentual adult sex that you launch attacks on others.

Hahaha sexual favours 😂

We’re in 2020 now, just him something digital. Whether it’s a token shop gift card, a film or a flight. You actually have plenty of time to arrange something if you want!

*buy him

I think it’s kind of sweet. He wanted to show you appreciation after all the crap you’ve had to deal with, he tried to keep it a surprise and didn’t even wrap it in Christmas paper. It’s backfired rather though and I can see how it’s made you feel awkward.

apologies if this offends your 'Missionary on Sunday nights with the lights off' sensibilities hmm

Why do people assume the OP is being coerced into appeasing her DH with sex ? Oh that's right, it's Mumsnet.

Unless foreplay is like the scene out of the t.v. show, 'Nighty Night' where the wife nervously asks her husband (Angus Deaton), 'would you like me to, um, felate you ?

He replies: Gosh, that would be nice.

She says, in a disappointed tone: I've just cleaned my teeth.

She then says, 'ok, please get the oils and ungents and bowls and wash me intimately but in the right order.

Why can't sex be fun ? Why do people on this thread only see coercion in this instance ?

Just placed marking because I want to know what the present is!

Ahhh. You can always order something online OP better late than never.

@peppita

Did someone seriously say bedroom vouchers? Who does that? Gross. 🤢

Full of the joys