To ask for your culinary disasters to make me feel better?

[polkadotpjs]

Ive just poured Yorkshire puddings batter onto my trifle sponge and fruit instead of the whites chocolate custard. FFS

I have a lovely recipe for Welsh "never fail cake". Turns out it fails fairly comprehensively if you put the oven on 180 instead of 140...

I also have a love-here relationship with custard. It's perfect first time enough to lull me into a false sense of security, then it refuses to thicken so I add a weeny bit of cornflour, and suddenly you could probably play squash with it.

Does it count if the injury isn't the food, but is me?

I monumentally fucked up a few days ago. I eat a lot of high protein food. I start my days with steak often, and this was a special day we had received DDs covid test results- negative!

So after 3 hours sleep I went downstairs,

I put salt and pepper on the steaks, heated the pan
Put a decent amount of butter in the pan. My thinnest pan to get some good heat into it, so I could get a good crust on the steak.

I chopped mushrooms, thought I'd fry them in butter

A handful of mushrooms, I meant to drop them in the pan, but submerged 3 of my fingers in the boiling hot butter.

Like the over dramatic that I am, I screamed and both DH and DD ran down the stairs to catch me with my hand under the cold tap, blisters already present.

The annoying thing. As I sat with my hand on a cold compress, my husband served the steak, which was the best I've eaten in my life.

I now have 3 fingers covered in white waxy looking blisters.

I can't think of food casualties for some reason right now

I was making tablet which is a Scottish confection a bit like hard fudge. I realised it had caught on the bottom of the pan. I thought I could rescue it by straining it and transferring it to another pan.

Got the sieve out and another pan. Poured the molten tablet into the sieve. Dumbstruck as the mesh part of the sieve just disappears. I was left holding the handle. It took me ages to process what had happened, where had the rest of the sieve gone? Then I realised I’d used the plastic sieve instead of the metal one. So I now had a melted sieve in the tablet.

My family is still laughing about Xmas dinner the year that I forgot to put water in the pan with the carrot batons before I put the lidded steamer full of spouts over the top.

The resulting properly blackened charred carrots and literally smoked sprouts were truly vile!

@safariboot eyes is nothing! I was making tacos once and needed loo stupidly thought I needn't wash hands BEFORE going loo - was having period at the time and changed tampon - BIG mistake HUGE (to badly quote pretty woman ) was walking like John wayne for about 10 days NOT recommended

@MrsToothyBitch that made me recall the year my mum was trying to defrost a turkey with a hairdryer - not particularly successful, dad made an ill advised "poor cook my wife" "joke" and mum threw said turkey at him! Still very much frozen! he made no further sarcastic comments that year!

Put all the meat in the oven over night still in the plastic (was a cold kitchen so fine), warmed the oven in the morning without taking it out as I forgot. The smell of melted plastic on meat still haunts me. Christmas was ruined, we had chicken breasts

@formerbabe

Made a chicken noodle sir fry for dh. Thought I was pouring soy sauce on it...it was actually balsamic vinegar . I still served it and bless him he ate without saying a word.

I did the exact opposite and poured soy sauce on to a fancy salad I’d just made Only I ate it.

I once made a quiche with patched up pastry and it started to leak in the oven till all the eggy filling had drained away.

My Mum once made a rice pudding without any rice in it. She never lived it down. I can still remember her dredging through the milk trying to find any ricey bits.

I had forgotten my best one - I tried to make cherry clafoutis - basically cherries in a sweet Yorkshire pudding type batter. I am a reasonably sensible person, but thought it would be a good idea to cook this in a loose bottomed cake tin. Of course, when I pored the batter in, most of it poured straight out again!

I have another to add - the cheese scones I made for lunch today. I was so organised - I made the scone dough on Wednesday and put it in the fridge, so all I had to do was to cut the scones out and bake them. And this is the result!

I always put a lot more cheese in than the recipe says, and my cheese scones do tend to lack structural integrity - they are reasonably scone shaped, but slump a bit. These haven’t as much slumped as fainted away altogether. Dh says they look more like Eccles cakes than scones!

But they taste delicious - squidgy and cheesy and lovely.

I don’t know what I did wrong - maybe I should have let the dough come back to room temperature before baking them.

@namechangefail2020

Put all the meat in the oven over night still in the plastic (was a cold kitchen so fine), warmed the oven in the morning without taking it out as I forgot. The smell of melted plastic on meat still haunts me. Christmas was ruined, we had chicken breasts

My uncle was a butcher and one Christmas Day he had an angry phone call from a customer, the turkey smelt terrible. He went to see what was wrong. The customer had put the turkey in the oven with the giblets in a plastic bag till inside the turkey. This was a long time ago and he lived above the shop and his house phone number was the same as the shop's number

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I have another to add - the cheese scones I made for lunch today. I was so organised - I made the scone dough on Wednesday and put it in the fridge, so all I had to do was to cut the scones out and bake them. And this is the result!

I always put a lot more cheese in than the recipe says, and my cheese scones do tend to lack structural integrity - they are reasonably scone shaped, but slump a bit. These haven’t as much slumped as fainted away altogether. Dh says they look more like Eccles cakes than scones!

But they taste delicious - squidgy and cheesy and lovely.

I don’t know what I did wrong - maybe I should have let the dough come back to room temperature before baking them.

Scones contain baking powder, I didn't think you could make dough containing baking powder ahead of time? As it becomes activated as soon as it comes into contact with liquids. Scone dough should also b handled as little as possible so probably best to make them just as you need them next time rather than making the dough ahead of time.

Happy to day trifle #2 went well and went down a treat. No leftovers though which is annoying. Maybe I should have kept clafoutis trifle as well...

I think you are right@violetbunny. If I make them again next year, I will do the dry ingredients ahead of time, and add the milk just before making them. I did check if scone dough could be made ahead, but the BBC food website lied to me!