To ask for your culinary disasters to make me feel better?

[polkadotpjs]

Ive just poured Yorkshire puddings batter onto my trifle sponge and fruit instead of the whites chocolate custard. FFS

Oh yes I e strained away chicken stock too before now!

I once made a banoffee pie and forgot to put the bananas in it 🤦🏻‍♀️

I missed the flour out of the sponge-cake part of a bakewell tart once. Thought the batter looked a bit thin but was distracted by the baby. Realised about 2 mins after I put it in the oven. Decided I could fix it by swirling the flour into the batter at this point, but obviously it mixed with the lovely layer of jam underneath. Disaster. Cooked it, was awful, but still ate most of it, as could not bear to waste it.

Perfect Christmas cake.

Global warming disaster.

As a kid our oven broke Christmas day mid cooking one year..

This always makes me laugh

www.boredpanda.com/funny-kitchen-cooking-fails/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Last week I was feeling quite unwell, but I had lamb to use. I'd bought two packets and it's a real treat. We usually have minced beef, chicken thighs, sausages, etc.

Despite feeling incredibly ropey, I lovingly sliced veg. I browned onions, leeks, mushrooms, peppers, etc. Then I beautifully browned the chunks of lamb.

Once I had all the ingredients prepared, I added stock and put the timer on for 30 minutes, intending to make dumplings later.

I was feeling really quite faint unwell by then, so I decided that 30 minutes upstairs would help.

25 minutes later, DD3 called upstairs, saying "Mum... There's loads of smoke and it's been like that for a while, but I thought you were in the kitchen...."

It was so incinerated it was close to catching light. I'd left the heat on 9, instead of turning it down to simmer

But, there was no fire and DD3 got a lesson about mentioning smoke/burning when you first smell it, not when it gets really strong. My fault entirely, but sad

@Gonkytonk

I once made a banoffee pie and forgot to put the bananas in it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Was it an offee pie?

I made my husband a carrot cake for his birthday. Spent ages grating carrots. When it was cooked I covered it in frosting. My teenager wooshed past and somehow knocked it onto the floor. I picked it up, scraped of the top layer of frosting and told no-one. No complaints.

@stayathomegardener I'm sorry I've just cried laughing at that

I made pasta bake the other day and dropped it. I thought it was further on the shelf as I let go and it spilt in the gap between the glass doors in the oven door. I scraped up the lumpy bits, added some more water and shoved it in again. I learnt how to take the door apart later that evening to clean it all!

One of my dearest friends had a horrible medical diagnosis, went over to cheer him up and we decided to make lemon polenta cake - nigella microwaveable recipe. Was like lumpy lemon cardboard!

When I first went vegan I tried to make a lemon pudding and it was so rubbery it came out like a tennis ball.

Living in a mid hut in Malawi for 6months in 40degree heat with no fridge, cooking over a fire and only a pumpkin would last 5mins there were a lot of cooking disasters

Profiteroles - lost the will to live on the third batch. DH stepped in and they turned out perfectly

We just spent ages making cranberry sauce and it's ended up really, really bitter

Oh several.
Strained stock down the sink many times.
Set a tray of sausages on fire and instead of being an adult and managing the situation, I starting shrieking and checked the whole lot out the back door.
Made taramasalata that tasted like fishy bins.
Made bloody Nigellas polenta cake that collapsed and was like gritty lemon sand.
Made Dd a birthday cake that looked like a dog had shit on it.
Bought a goose that was bigger than the cat and had to saw the legs off the fucking thing to get it in the freezer.
Ditto turkey.
There's probably more, but that's all I can think of.
I'm actually a very good cook though honest!

I slammed the oven door on a pie...lemon meringue dripped down both sides of the door.

Still ate it.

Last year (or maybe the year before) I spent weeks soaking the fruit for the Christmas cake in brandy (instead of just dumping it on, and warming it in the microwave like I normally do). I made the cake and bunged it in the oven without either putting the protective collar of brown paper round the outside, or double checking the recipe for what temperature the oven should be at.

I then wandered off, and sat watching tv, thinking how nice the cake smelt - in fact, it was smelling like it was done, but still had at least 90 minutes left on the baking time. Eventually it dawned on me that this was not right, and I went and retrieved a charcoal briquette from the oven. It didn’t just have the odd burnt bit, that I could have trimmed off - if I had trimmed off all the burnt bits, I’d have been left with a sodding cupcake.

I did lots of swearing, and made a second cake (luckily I had enough of all the ingredients left), without any fancy fruit soaking, and was doubly careful when I baked it.

Was looking for mustard in the fridge while making dinner tonight and spilt a bowl of baked beans all over the contents of the fridge. Including the strawberries. That was fun

I found the dog shit cake

I once made a lovely chilli crab pasta. Only realised when DH asked where the crab was that I had left the crab meat in the fridge.

Mine was today. I bought a huge ridiculously expensive joint of beef. Roasted to perfection and saved all the juices for gravy tomorrow with the veg and onion it was cooked on.
After it had its rest all tucked up nicely in foil I grabbed one of the brand new super sharp knives that we got especially for Christmas instead of the carving knives that wouldn’t cut butter we usually use. Sliced through the string holding it together and managed to slice my hand which bled copiously. Trying to save the meat I held my hand over the lovingly collected gravy while I hollered at dh to help- fuck knows why the sink was a foot away.
3 hours in minor injuries and 7 stitches to my name I’m home and I’m on strike.

More years ago than I care to recall I made my first and only rice pudding
You know how the amount of rice to milk is really quite small? That's what I thought, so I added more ... and more ... and more

Come "ready" time, the inside of the oven looked like Vesuvious

I didn't prep an artichoke correctly and made a risotto with it. It was exactly like eating an inedible cactus... DH has never let me forget it.

I had no idea you needed to cook beetroot. Obviously inedible.

My first married Christmas I made a mince pie tart with bought puff pastry as a base and top. The base rose up. The mince poured under the pastry and burned solid to the tin. We were hacking it off with a screwdriver.