To ask for your culinary disasters to make me feel better?

[polkadotpjs]

Ive just poured Yorkshire puddings batter onto my trifle sponge and fruit instead of the whites chocolate custard. FFS

First time I made buttercream icing for a sandwich cake, I iced the cake, put it together and went to the pub.
Came home to my cake and couldn't work out where the icing had gone. Turns out you're not meant to ice it while it's still warm.

MIL (may she rest in peace) had form for dessert disasters too, but they always tasted good.
There was the legendary cheese puddle (the cheesecake that didn't set) and the delicious tiramisoup which much a have been 50% alcohol as I swear I was drunk after eating it.

Green and cabbage
I'm really laughing at lemon vaseline

My grandmother was given a Christmas turkey when she was a newlywed. She put it into the oven, not realising it had to be plucked first.

Making a meat and potato pie, was seasoning the filling when the lid fell off the salt pot, ended up with soup and toast for tea!

Sunbird, dh had stop dfil sprinkling vanilla sugar on his fish and chips instead of salt after a tub mix up. Could have interesting

I once used washing up liquid instead of oil to cook my onions, veg and tuna to go with pasta. Wondered why the oil was foaming but don’t think any more of it. So I didn’t realise until I ate it. It was fucking rank.

Having one today - I think I put too much sherry on the sponge for the Boxing Day trifle as the jelly won’t set. I scooped off as much liquid as I could and made another batch of jelly to pour over the fruit-covered, alcoholic sponge, this time with half to two-thirds of the amount of liquid it’s supposed to be made with. It is still refusing to set. It’s got another 24h to give in to its fate before I stick it in the freezer. I will not give in to this liquid jelly! (Next time I might have to look up a recipe first.)

Spent 4 hours and bloody loads of money on fabulous ingredients for a massive beouf bourguignon - it was perfect. I turned it off to rest.

Except I didn't turn it off. I turned it up. Hours later. Smoke through the house. Fire hazard disaster in the kitchen. Pan burnt to buggery. Dragged it the pan into the garden and left it there to burn a hole through the lawn. It looked like something out of Time Team.

Shortly after Christmas one year when we had guests, I made an apple and mincemeat pie - home made pastry top and bottom.

Right after I took it out of the oven, the whole thing somehow slid off the plate - into the dog’s bed!

I honestly wasn’t even particularly pissed.

CatVsChristmasTree and LadyTiredWinterBottom2 - thank you for the suggestions, I will give it a bash! (I may be back tomorrow if it turns out to be an actual disaster)

HemlockStarglimmer that’s very kind of you, but I couldn’t be much further away and still attached by land (South Coast)!

I once made a Thai seafood soup with beef stock instead of chicken by accident and served to an old school friend I hadn't seen in 10 years.

It went gelatinous and thick and awful rather than creamy and spicy. It was like jelly.

I was so embarrassed 😳

I made a roast dinner for my (then) boyfriend - roast beef, roast potatoes in goose fat etc. Made the roast potatoes and took them out to baste in the fat and they looked lovely. Put them back in for the last 20 minutes while I carved the beef (also cooked perfectly). Opened the oven to check they were ready and was horrified to see lots of ‘strings’ hanging down and pooling at the bottom. I’d put the roasting tin on a plastic tray and accidentally put it in the oven under the roasting tin. I wrecked the dinner AND the oven.
He’s now my husband, so it didn’t turn out TOO badly.

I decided to ignore Mary Berry telling me to soak the Christmas cake fruit in 150ml of brandy. I thought it would be much better if I topped up the fruit on a daily basis with the alcohol for several days. Got through 3/4 of a bottle. This was before I had baked the cake or fed it. So now it is leaking alcohol!

Christmas Day 2018- cooked and sliced turkey and beef ready to be plated. Waiting on a large plate covered with tinfoil. DS aged 3 reached up and knocks entire plate off the worktop. Spent hours picking shards of glass out the meat

Gave you in the end and had sausages on the Christmas Dinner, 3 hours late lol

Two weeks ago. I made a quiche. It was going great right up until I got it out of the oven. I was holding it flat on my oven-gloved hand, and the round collar part of my loose-based tin unexpectedly slipped off the sides of the quiche and dropped onto an unprotected bit of my bare arm. It was hot. It made me jump.

That quiche got launched into the air like a pancake and landed upside-down on the bread board.

Fortunately the bread board was clean and the quiche didn't actually explode all over the kitchen, it just sort of collapsed. So I scraped chunks of it onto plates and we went ahead with dinner 😁

I was making a cheesecake earlier and the ingredients list said 10g of sugar for the base .... I added 100g of sugar. Luckily I realised at the last minute and had to send DH out for digestives. That could've been one extremely sweet cheesecake

Lovingly made chicken stock straight into the sieve down the sink, forgot the pan

Broccoli and barley soup, fucking rank

Made a soup with fresh chillis. Washed my hands. Rubbed my eyes, and discovered I hadn't washed my hands properly. Ouch. Food came out alright actually, despite me being incapacitated for about 10 minutes.

Put the oil on to heat up and went to the loo. Was longer on the loo than planned. The smoke alarm went off when I was walking back downstairs - the pan was in flames!

I've done the chilli eye thing too, fuck, it hurts.

FIL makes this thing called aspic on a regular basis. With prawns in it. It's basically fish jelly, with prawns in it. One year he added chopped celery for extra bite. It's utterly inedible.

Thank god we're shielding this year and won't be subject to it!

Recent one of mine : poo frosting 💩

My mum once made royal icing that wouldn't set. It must've been a bit too wet. We had to set it with a hair dryer.

Making pomodoro sauce for pasta earlier this year. Accidentally dumped waaaay too much caster sugar in and we ended up adding all sorts of savoury to try and correct. It ended up just about edible.

Last night. I decided to add a pinch of hot paprika to seasoning for meatballs for a goulash inspired pasta dish. I then accidentally added too much paprika to the sauce- the sprinkle lid flipped up and it just dumped out. DP loved it, I ended up having to have a break in the middle, taking all my clothes off, gulping milk and asking DP to turn the heating down.

This thread has really made me laugh and also slightly nervous about tomorrow

Don't think I've ever had any major cooking disasters to date (amazing really considering how clumsy I am), but when I was at university I once ladled a liberal amount of beef gravy over a bowl of ice cream from the canteen, thinking it was chocolate sauce The server kindly offered to replace it but I was very embarrassed!

Omg that bored panda link is hilarious

My mum once made a lovely fruit crumble for a family Sunday lunch, the fruit was stewed and then she made a crumble topping and went off to have a cup of tea in the living room. When she came back to the kitchen she found the cat sat on top of it, as the bowl and fruit was warm. She just scraped off the crumble topping, made a new one, baked it and served it up to her guests, of which I was one.