Can you do ‘Too’ much?

[Whatnext2018]

I love Christmas and am keen to make it that really special time for my Dd as I had. We’ve done so many Christmassy things..crafts, baking, days out etc. Tonight I’ll do a Christmassy floor picnic by the tree with Xmas Eve box, carrot and mince pies etc.
This morning I see posts of special ‘North pole’ breakfasts people have done for their kids and now feel I should’ve done that as I see how lovely it looks. We just had a normal breakfast of eggs and toast and a chocolate off the tree 🤷🏻‍♀️
Aibu to feel pressured into making going a bit overboard in order to make it the ‘Perfect’ time?
When I was little we’d make mince pies and leave one out for Santa with a glass of wine and a carrot Rudolph, that was all, I still remember it being the most wonderful time
Is doing too much not that great?

Sorry for the typos, hyper toddler here!

I think all those things sound lovely. The problem is when you get to the 'pressured' part. Yes your children will remember all those traditions and that is really special. But if you are a stressed out mum banging on about everything being 'perfect' then that's all they will remember instead.

I think that if the desire to do everything becomes a source of stress rather than joy then it’s a problem. You should only do activities that genuinely make you happy, not because it’s the ‘done thing’ or because others are doing them.

Meant to add, if there's no danger of being stressed-out-mum then go for it!

Personally I think kids just want your time and attention, that’s what they remember

Maybe step away from Instagram for a while... it’s never as perfect as it’s made out to be

There’s definitely a risk of going overboard

I know Christmas can be all about food, but it seems unnecessary for every activity to contain a special meal/“treat”.

Can you maintain going all out, every year? Your kids might be disappointed if you suddenly have a quiet Christmas in the future. Just choose the activities you/they like the most

It becomes 'too much' when you get stressed about it. I don't do elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, North Pole breakfasts (never heard of those before!) or the like, not because I don't think they're lovely things to do but because I just know they would become a source of stress and upset for me.

IMO yes you can definitely do too much. It's no fun if you're run ragged and stressed out or your child is tired and grumpy and missing their normal routine. Some children are naturally quieter and need/prefer some down time rather than constant activity, some love to their themselves into stuff and need wearing out (ditto for adults!)

I've also seen parents expecting their children to be grateful for all of the things they do but if that seems usual for them, they're not going to compare it to some imagined other existence where there were less activities, they're going to expect it to continue.

Having said all that I try and remember: don't judge and don't compare. People doing North pole breakfasts hopefully enjoyed them, you've hopefully enjoyed doing your thing.

Happy Christmas everyone 🌲

Yes I think you can do a bit too much because you have to remember you're setting a precedent for many many Christmases to come.

But I think you've already mentioned the key issue/reason many women (and it's nearly always women) put themselves under so much pressure is the posting on social media.

We used to watch a Christmas film with my parents, play a few games of cards, eat some nice food and then put beer and biscuits out for Santa before bed and the memories are wonderful.

I'm really not sure they'd be any more wonderful if my mum did crafts/baking etc with us.

What is a North Pole breakfast?

I can only guess you're seeing these things on SM, try not to feel the pressure of what you see others doing! When I was small I didnt do any of these things, just the usual santa/rudolph stuff and as you rightly said it was absolutely magical.

You didn't say how old DD is, but remember that kids can get overwhelmed with all this pressure to do stuff too! A few small, choice things is wonderful and not too much.

Think of it as imagine yourself at work, and someone kept telling you right, we are going to do this- its special, then this is special, and that is special, and now we are going onto this project.. how special!

It all just become mundane and not very special at all!

You have done so much already and it sounds the only place you're feeling the pressure from is what you're seeing online, I dont feel any of this, as I genuinely haven't got a clue what anyone else is doing - and DC and I have still had a lovely build up towards Xmas.

Relax and enjoy!

Are you scuttling from instagram post to instagram post? Stop!

Kids don't want a frazzled mum, they want your love and attention.

Some quiet time is better than over hyping every minute.

What is a north pole breakfast?

Children enjoy spending time with us, and by spending time I mean authentic, quality time, not spending time together whilst parents take endless photos of their perfect family time for social media.

I wonder how many of the people posting all these special things would do them if they weren't sharing them on social media / didn't feel like it was expected of them.

People add pictures on social media but actually what's happening is the kids are arguing and fighting, they are moaning they don't like the breakfast which has been lovingly delivered from the north pole by the pain in the arse elves (which no doubt these people would have photographed every night to share with the world ) . They are tired, whinging, wound up and over stimulated. The cat is half way up the tree and they are drowning in debt from trying to be the perfect parent. It's bollocks.
I think people who post things like this on social media only DO it for social media. What you've done sounds lovely. We've had a special breakfats this morning and are now watching Santa Claus the movie in our PJ's.

There is a point at which you've done so much "special" stuff that none of it is actually special anymore.

It's just another of many things that you do and none of them particularly stand out.

Sorry but the leaving things out for Santa is easy but North Pole breakfasts, Christmas Eve boxes and pretending an elf is wrecking your house so messing then tidying it are too much.

What the hell is a 'North Pole breakfast'? Venison sausages?

I think parents, these days, totally overestimate what their children will remember.
My childhood memories are more to do with feelings, for example, anticipation, excitement etc. rather than actual actions or events.

My childhood memories are more to do with feelings, for example, anticipation, excitement etc. rather than actual actions or events.

Absolutely.

@FraughtwithGin
I agree. Mine too and when I search for nostalgia, it's always the feelings. I can't remember what I had when or how many Santa's I went to see. I can just remember the love, excitement and anticipation

There's so much pressure to do everything these days, because you can see what everyone else is doing, and you don't want to miss out.

When I was a child, we had a normal ish day on Christmas Eve, except later we would go to church, then come back and put things out for Santa, then bath and bed. It was the most magical time, and thinking back, we did practically nothing!

I think you are doing too much if you are comparing yourself to what others are doing - that implies you’re doing it because you feel you should, not because you’re enjoying it.

A literal North Pole breakfast would be the easiest in the world: scrapings from the freezer with a fan blasting over them!

This has all got out of hand. I blame Instagram.

My children are teens. Do you know what they remember most about Christmases when they were the same age as your DD?

DD's homemade Christmas decorations went on the right of the mantelpiece, and DS's went on the left :)

(I didn't even realise I was doing this, until the year I got it "wrong" and there was an outcry).

I think you’ve just got to pick and choose what bits you like and ignore the stuff that stresses you out. I like baking with DD so I’m more than happy making christmas biscuits etc but I absolutely cannot be fucked coming up with ideas for elf on the shelf so I don’t! It’s when you start feeling like you MUST do stuff “for the memories” that it all gets a bit draining imo