Can you do ‘Too’ much?

[Whatnext2018]

I love Christmas and am keen to make it that really special time for my Dd as I had. We’ve done so many Christmassy things..crafts, baking, days out etc. Tonight I’ll do a Christmassy floor picnic by the tree with Xmas Eve box, carrot and mince pies etc.
This morning I see posts of special ‘North pole’ breakfasts people have done for their kids and now feel I should’ve done that as I see how lovely it looks. We just had a normal breakfast of eggs and toast and a chocolate off the tree 🤷🏻‍♀️
Aibu to feel pressured into making going a bit overboard in order to make it the ‘Perfect’ time?
When I was little we’d make mince pies and leave one out for Santa with a glass of wine and a carrot Rudolph, that was all, I still remember it being the most wonderful time
Is doing too much not that great?

We tried to do a Christmas experience last year at somewhere with real snow...it ended up with moans about the cold and them being a bit underwhelmed. I remember christmas as being absolutely magical as a child. Going round the neighbourhood looking at lights, putting up the tree, presents on christmas morning. But the things that I remember most are seeing family (we didnt live near them so this was a real treat), eating a lovely meal with crackers etc and music and dancing. Maybe a local panto. Not the presents or the Santa visits. I dont really know why people think that now kids need a million 'memory making' experiences, surely by the time christmas comes they will be either bored of it or so hyped up that it becomes a bit of an anti climax? I dont know why we feel that even when we had a magical christmas away children that we have to change it for our own children?

And I dont know why people (mainly women) give themselves extra jobs to do at the busiest most tiring time of year. You don't see men running around stressing about how to find an original funny idea for elf on the shelf. People gripe and moan about it 'I had to get up early as I forgot to set up the bloody elf again last night' etc...its not compulsory!

I dont bother with christmas eve boxes, christmas pyjamas, special breakfasts, santa visits etc. I've said they can have smarties and marshmallows in their porridge for a treat as it's easy and they will eat it. Maybe they will feel hard done by when they are older...we will see!

Get off social media!

IMO people only put these posts on so other say how wonderful they are and to try and evoke some kind of envy in others.

I have 3 children under 5, out build up has been chaotic, only finished Christmas shopping yesterday.

We’re in tier 4 so no family get together this year, no panto, no visit to Father Christmas. But there will be a plate left out for Santa this eve and presents in the morning. They will be hapoy. 😊

Relax! And stop comparing!!

I do think people can easily become over competitive and burned out because of social media etc.

When I was a kid (now 41) we had a kind of Austrian thing we did in December. Mum would out the tree up with us after the December birthday in our family . Then Nan would take us to the local city to see a Father Christmas the weekend after. On the solstice we would go to a café for hot chocolate with Nan while mum did last minute bits. With real whipped cream and flakes chocolate etc. Then Xmas Eve we got new pyjamas for after our Bath, a book, slippers and a small present from under the tree. So I suppose in a way it was very similar to the boxes parents do now.

My kids are older now but we have done similar. We took them to a festive event like feeding the giraffes and having lunch with Santa or a Christmas movie and then bowling. Christmas Eve has always been them helping with chores and then me doing a buffet dinner with roast pork sandwiches. I make them hot chocolate ash through the winter when they get home from school/college. They may get the odd fancy breakfast like last week I saw tear and share tree shaped brioche and hot chocolate spoons made with candy canes. It's disabled right back now they are older but I'm very lucky I've got young DNs to keep the magic going for me 🎄

The more effort I put in with my kids the less they appreciate it! They are excited about leaving a mince pie out tonight.

So yes I think you can do too much. If your kids either aren't that excited or come to expect it then stop.

I try and do a few Instagram things- like the elf, that I caved in once my eldest daughter was at school and she had been one of only a few kids in reception for whom the elf didn’t visit. But otherwise I do try and remember exactly what so many here have said- my best Christmas memories are of feelings and the feelings I had being with people.... especially my grandparents who I loved immensely and who as I approach 40 I only have one left of. It’s the feelings of happiness, anticipation and love your kids will remember. And you don’t have to do anything but love them and get them a few gifts to make that happen.

We do a Christmas Eve box but it just has new pyjamas (not Christmas ones), a copy of the night before Christmas and a snowman bathbomb from lush for bedtime bath. MIL has bought DS a beautiful winter animals china set with a lovely mug which will go in there eventually for hot chocolate, but he's two and I don't trust him not to throw it and I'm not giving him sugar he's hyper enough already. They don't have to be a big production.
When I was a child we always had new pyjamas Christmas Eve, hot chocolate with a film (after carol service) and the night before Christmas, nothing fancy, so I essentially replicate it and put it in a box.

He opened his tonight and we watched the snowman together. We put a mince pie, carrot and glass of milk on the hearth for father Christmas.
Simple and stress free to keep up over the years.

Doing too much kills the magic dead imo

No, I refuse to partake in that kind of guilt tripping nonsense that children have to do a bunch of random stuff in order to have a 'perfect' Christmas. Let's not add further to the women's work. I'd so rather strip it all back and show my kids that presents are great but Christmas is about celebrating their religion and more importantly their family.

All the crafts, Christmas Eve boxes, OTT Santa visits etc are utterly unnecessary. If you're simply spending quality time with them you're onto a winner no matter how you do that.

@Pollypudding what fantastic memories they really had me giggling, especially your son opening all the presents

@AnneTwackie

Personally I think kids just want your time and attention, that’s what they remember

Absolutely this.

I think parents, these days, totally overestimate what their children will remember

My childhood memories are more to do with feelings, for example, anticipation, excitement etc. rather than actual actions or events

Absolutely and it reminds me of these wise words

I try my best, I did my best at elf on a shelf and I put up a tree a few days ago. My eldest sister was sending posts into group chat of all her Xmas eve boxes for her 4 kids, Mountains of presents and snacks for Santa etc

She videoed them ringing the bells today and posted that too, mine rang the bells but I didn’t film it or anything

Looking at it all made me feel like shit and like a shit mum, I’ve had to sit and remind myself that her kids likely have a very angry and frazzled parent (I only know this because she’s my sister!) and I’ve done the best I can and I’ll still have happy excited children in the morning

Don’t worry about it OP, you’ve done amazing

For comparison my DM did everything for us at Xmas, mountains of presents, stockings, everything for Santa and debt that lasted all year round to give us the “biggest” Xmas of anyone ive ever met

... All I can remember for is her getting drunk and shouting at us and me feeling sad

It really isn’t what you do but how you make them feel ❤️

I'm a parent who does all that 'too much' stuff and then some. Each year I make custom presents (as surprises in addition to the main ones). One year I wrote, illustrated and self published two books about DS's Christmas. One for the start of December and one for Christmas eve. We have not one, not two, not three but SEVEN magical creatures who do shit, not only every night but this year at various points of the day too. The main one, organises crafts and outings for us to do. We don't just do a North Pole Breakfast on Christmas eve but also on November 30th and Twelfthnight when our 7 magical creatures come back to life for a last hurrah. (They make the breakfast and decorate the kitchen in the first place.) I decorate the rest of the house, which involves each room looking like a crazy person's grotto.

And it's all really good most years. I enjoy it. I'll definitely look back on this as a happy time. We're a single parent/single child family though. So it's easier on pretty much every level. I'm not sure if I'd be as enthusiastic with more children or a manchild in the mix.

The things I remember is our stockings that my mum made when we were little, my parents drinking (very rare), advent calenders and playing board games.

Asides from presents, everything else I've forgotten.

Your daughter won't care if you didn't have a North Pole breakfast, whatever that may be, but she will remember if you were distracted and stressed and not enjoying yourself.

One of my friends goes way OTT for Christmas.
Elf on the shelf doesn’t just move overnight- he hired teepees for the kids to have a sleep over with elf bedding and Christmas lights and the photos on social media looked amazing.
On day 2 the elf made a hot chocolate station and spent easily £50 in doing so. The photos on social media looked amazing.
And on and on and on it went. They’ve had visits from Santa and Mrs claus to their house to stand on their doorstep. They’ve had a real life elf dressed up at their door dropping off Christmas Eve boxes- some huge elaborate version of the elf on the shelf becoming real.
They’ve had trips on the polar express.

Every single day there’s been photos and everyone saying how amazing it all is and how much effort she’s gone too. Which she has it’s an incredible amount of effort.
I had a wobble last week that I needed to do more for my kids after looking at it all. Oh I should have thought of that/bought that/ done that. But then I thought about it and imagined the effort it would take. Imagined the stress of making the kids wear matching outfits each day while I had perfect hair, makeup and nails. Forcing them to stand while I took photo after photo of their excitement to make sure everyone is looking at the camera before letting them enjoy it.
Nah it’s not for us.

There's no mention on this thread that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. Surely that transcends Elf on the shelf and North Pole breakfasts.

It's been a difficult year and communal worship has been tricky but I think it's awfully sad no thought has been given to the nativity, perhaps making a little set, or to the Christmas story or even singing some carols.

Christmas is fun of course but so sad there's no mention of what it truly means.

Omg stop already with the expectations! It's too much

Step away from the social media.
Comparison is the thief of joy

We have pared Christmas back this year and its lovely.

We do a christmas shirt on the 1st of December so everyone has something to wear to Christmas functions. We put up decorations the first weekend December.

Christmas eve we had chicken (from a food delivery box service). We leave food for the reindeers and then magically they turn to poo to be eaten (carrot cake no bake balls). We had a special breakfast but we made it all yesterday anyway so it was putting into a glass this morning but it was that nice so we didn’t finish it. We have in passed years put the kids Christmas breakfast in the stckings and i think we will go back to that. Had lunch out at a restaurant. Wehave some frozen canapés from aldi if we feel hungry fir dinner.

Its been bliss. Although once again we failed to wrap presents till thatlast minute so were up til past midnight.

Step away from Social Media! Honestly, it'll drive you insane. If you've had a lovely time and your child has, that's all that needs to matter. Otherwise it'll get to a point where you're so busy trying to make it perfect that you'll have no time or energy to actually enjoy it.

If my children are the contents of a north pole breakfast that a pp posted there would be hyperactivity followed by a slump, tears and general mayhem.

When I was small my dad would bring me out for a fry up Christmas Eve morning to thank him for helping with my mum's present. It has expanded over the years to include DH and kids (and mum). This is the first year in about 34 years it won't happen.

Traditions should happen organically and be special to your family not because of a heavily filtered picture on Instagram .

If there was no social media, do you think people would do all these things. And don't get me started on matching pjs

@RosesAndHellebores There's no mention on this thread that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. Surely that transcends Elf on the shelf and North Pole breakfasts. It's been a difficult year and communal worship has been tricky but I think it's awfully sad no thought has been given to the nativity, perhaps making a little set, or to the Christmas story or even singing some carols. Christmas is fun of course but so sad there's no mention of what it truly means.

It can mean that to you and that's fine but 'Christmas' is just the current name for the mid-winter celebration originated by European peoples thousands and thousands of years ago. Far before Jesus was ever a thing. It's about human creativity and imagination finding a way to make the middle of the darkest, coldest and most deadly months of the year into something enjoyable.

Christmas is fun of course but so sad there's no mention of what it truly means
I agree with this. It doesn't even have to be a huge focus on the religious heritage of the festival as there's a well established secular celebration too.

What I find sad is that Christmas seems to be about advent purchases, christmas photoshoots, elf on the shelf (again mainly to show off on social media, but for the minority of people who do it without seeking parental kudos online then great), new christmas decorations every other year, lots of joke presents and tat that will be binned quickly, matching pyjamas for photos, christmas eve boxes, endless 'Christmas' outings that would ruin christmas if they didn't happen, lots of obligatory gift giving, and a huge amount of buying shit that will largely go unused in a few months. For some people Christmas seems to be an exercise in ridiculous levels of shopping and documenting their brilliance on social media (often with the hashtags #makingmemories #familytime).