Can you do ‘Too’ much?

[Whatnext2018]

I love Christmas and am keen to make it that really special time for my Dd as I had. We’ve done so many Christmassy things..crafts, baking, days out etc. Tonight I’ll do a Christmassy floor picnic by the tree with Xmas Eve box, carrot and mince pies etc.
This morning I see posts of special ‘North pole’ breakfasts people have done for their kids and now feel I should’ve done that as I see how lovely it looks. We just had a normal breakfast of eggs and toast and a chocolate off the tree 🤷🏻‍♀️
Aibu to feel pressured into making going a bit overboard in order to make it the ‘Perfect’ time?
When I was little we’d make mince pies and leave one out for Santa with a glass of wine and a carrot Rudolph, that was all, I still remember it being the most wonderful time
Is doing too much not that great?

North Pole breakfast - lovely idea, make a note on your phone / calendar & do it next year. You could do it tomorrow even if you don't have everything on the post you've seen. Unless your DD has seen it (or you've shown it to her) she won't know about it & won't miss it.

There are so many lovely ideas to make Christmas special that you couldn't possibly do them all. Notice the people who aren't posting everything on social media, they're possibly the ones having a great time doing things they enjoy whether that's breakfast with Santa at Harrods or watching films in pyjamas. Don't over complicate things, don't try & be perfect as that's unachievable anyway.

You are enough.

I always wonder how many people would do those 'amazing' things if they weren't able to post all the gazillion photos of it on social media?
My dc are older teens now and they really do only remember with fondness the little, insignificant things, very few of their special Christmas memories cost any money.

Yes it's too much if you're feeling stressed. Little ones won't even remember lots of the stuff you do. Their memories when grown up will be of being with their families etc

Probably best to step away from social media if it's making you feel bad. What you have done with your children is lovely.

I always wonder how many people would do those 'amazing' things if they weren't able to post all the gazillion photos of it on social media?

I am old and cynical but I suspect most people do it for the “likes” on social media and not for their children.

We had cornflakes for breakfast in our kitchen.

North Pole Breakfast seems to be sugar

I don’t see anything wrong, as long as you can afford it all, enjoy it yourself, and don’t make yourself (or the dcs) exhausted/stressed out.

My dd does similar with hers, and enjoys it. They’re still little and at the stage where it’s all so magical and exciting. 🎅🏻🎄

But I think you've already mentioned the key issue/reason many women (and it's nearly always women) put themselves under so much pressure is the posting on social media.

There have always been plenty of people who do lots of Christmas stuff, long before social media was a thing.

Pick the bits you want to do and leave the rest. Yabu to feel you have to do more or feel under any pressure.

We do Chrismas eve boxes and used to do an indoor picnic (now a buffet) on Xmas eve. The box is given before the picnic and a film and is a sign we all all ready for Santa. I love it.

I don’t do the North Pole breakfast and the elf on the shelf requires a level of commitment that I recognise I can’t give. I would find myself lying in bed thinking “oh bugger, I haven’t done the bloody elf!” Know your limitations 😂

Your kids will love it whether you do. Enjoy.

I do a sort of North Pole breakfast on Xmas Eve in that we all sit and have breakfast together which we don't normally. I don't go mad with decorating the table like you see on Instagram because frankly I can't be arsed. Today we had fresh orange and pancakes with strawberries, syrup and whipped cream. Bought the ready made pancakes which you just microwave for 30 secs so it was very low stress. Then the kids always decorate a gingerbread house together (£5 from aldi). I like to have a nice Xmas Eve morning cos the kids go to their dad in the afternoon til Xmas morning. Them being at their dads means I don't bother with all the Xmas Eve box thing. If you like the idea of it and it's not going to be an added stress go for it. If you can't be arsed or already have enough on your plate leave it

Here's a tip

Do the things you want to do, skip the bits that don't appeal. What ever you do don't compare yourself to anyone, because comparison is the thief of joy

Wtf is a North Pole breakfast?

I have a 3yr old and almost-2yr old, they had poptarts for breakfast as a treat this morning. No fucking way am I stressing myself out with Christmas themed baking, and picnics and god knows what else!

You just do you OP. If it's stressing you out and no longer fun, don't do it.

When I was little we’d make mince pies and leave one out for Santa with a glass of wine and a carrot Rudolph, that was all, I still remember it being the most wonderful time

You've answered your own question.

There's a mum at my dc school who is a serial over sharer & l feel embarrassed for her kids. Their whole lives are like a photo shoot & it's obvious they don't spend much time enjoying these activities. They spend so much time posing for these shoots, it's not authentic. They are not real memories because they're staged for the camera.

Well I was a child in the 60’s and my parents didn’t do anything with me and siblings other than buy us presents.
Now I’m retired I’m having lots of fun doing all of these things. Surely the more you do the more children will expect and grow up to be disappointed adults when their life is not one long fairy tale?

Some people put a lot of stress upon themselves at Christmas. Those who think they have to follow all the new trends, thinking that everything will make their children more happy. A simple old fashioned Christmas will make children happy whatever you do.

I was just thinking about a young woman,who worked behind the bar in my local pub last year, she was flicking through her phone,showing me photo's of her living room, It was the first of October, she already had a large decorated Christmas tree lit up, with a mountain of kids presents under it, complete with one of these elf things, and even had a plate under the tree, with reindeer food on it. Then she said, omg, I have got so much to do before Christmas, I am going to be soooo stressed. !

I think just pick and choose which traditions you want, if you do them all then it can be overwhelming and you’ll be stressed as well. We don’t do elf on the shelf but we do a Christmas Eve box, we don’t do a North Pole breakfast but we do other traditions like matching family pyjamas

I think your DD sounds like a very lucky little girl! Your BF of eggs ,soldiers and a tree ornament sound nutritious as well as jolly nice ! Had to google a "North pole "breakfast though, never heard of it! Quite honestly yours is plenty really .Instagram is just a chance to show off I think .Merry Christmas to you and dont fret you have done plenty!

I think you can do too much, yes. The things you listed are all lovely individually as are the special treats like Santa trains and such but I’ve always felt it’s best to just pick a few to do rather than try to fill the entire month with Christmas based everything.

I have a couple of friends who cram tonnes of stuff into December every year - arrival of the elf (with pretty decent gift!) multiple Santa visits, breakfast with elves, feeding reindeer, themed afternoon teas, xmas eve box, xmas movie nights galore and so on and so on. It’s a whole extravaganza!

Entirely their choice of course but I get the impression that the stream of activities and “special” events all just blur together for them and the dc so there’s very little: Oh remember the time we did such-a-thing. Each lovely event becomes less special as they so quickly move to the next “magical, special, making memories” experience.

I’m thinking of one friend who’s 5 yr old was quite Meh... in Lapland of all places!! Friend was really upset because she’d been ages planning it and imagining her child’s face lighting up with wonder and awe but of course this was the dcs 5th(!!) Santa event in four weeks so she was pretty blasé about it by that stage🙄.

Special becomes par for the course if you try to maintain it for weeks on end so ignore any perceived pressure!

There comes a point where you have to say enough's enough.

Otherwise, next year it will be what to do that's special on the day before Christmas Eve...

...and the day after Boxing Day...

...ad infinitum.

You can 100000% do too much. Social media is brilliant for showing only the good/positive things, so if it’s making you anxious, step away. ALL our Christmas plans/going out traditions were cancelled this year, and yes the kids were disappointed but in the scheme of things it’s really not important. Kids remember the little, spontaneous things far more than the meticulously planned insta outings I think.

I honestly think memories are what you make them. Our responses as parents to our situation. If it makes you feel better, my (nearly) teenage daughter is eating pasta on the sofa for Christmas Eve lunch. Will it go on insta? No. Does it matter? No. Will we do family games and a meal later, yes. She’s happy and I’m happy. Honestly, the pressure is way too much.

If you have food, a roof over your head and spend some time with your children then they are privileged and anything else is a nice to have IMO.

One of my favourite Christmas memories was my mum taking me (on my own without my siblings) to Marks and Spencer on Christmas eve. I can imagine it was hell for my mum thought

I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to entertain a toddler. They won't remember any of it. My kids and 5 and 7 and don't remember the toddler years much. I'd say it's only really been the last few years they've got the full enjoyment out of all the festivities.

My kids want pancakes for breakfast and I'm thinking that's too much blinking effort for Christmas morning. Never mind north Pole bloody breakfast

No North Pole breakfast! What kind of a mother are you!

We had a special breakfast this morning, and have done some baking and craft this week. But I do see a lot of people on social media who just seem to throw money at their kids- breakfast/dinner out with Santa, elf bringing them a teepee sleepover, visiting several Santa’s grottos...I sometimes wonder if these kids appreciate anything as they get so much material “stuff”