To share or not to share Secret Santa Scratchcard Winnings

[WoolieLiberal]

I was given a National Lottery Scratchcard as a Secret Santa gift. I thought this was a bit naff until I realised it was a winner.

I won a (low end) four figure sum. I got excited and told my colleagues.

Since then, the person who gave it to me sent me a message suggesting (in a lighthearted way) that I might want to give her half. I replied with a laugh emoji as I thought she was joking, but she has since messaged me to ask if I have decided whether I am going to do so or not!

I’ve also been asked by three other colleagues if I could “lend” them “small“ (three Figure) amounts “to help with Christmas”.

DH says I was daft to have told anyone, but it’s done now and is none of anyone else’s business. He says I should treat myself for a Change.

I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t won anything because if I respond to all requests I’ll have virtually nothing left, and if I don’t, then I’ll be thought badly of and stingy.

There’s a woman at work who works part time and is married to a very wealthy businessman (the job is more of a hobby/something to do) and they’re always jetting off on holidays to far flung destinations, having meals out, nice cars and jewellery etc. No one has ever (to my knowledge) asked her to share her wealth.

If I knew a colleague was genuinely struggling I would help but this feels like vultures are circling. DH, DD’s and I are not wealthy by any stretch but “managing”.

Thoughts welcome!!

If OP were a man this wouldn’t even be a dilemma, he would keep 100%.

What on Earth is wrong with our society that we’re bringing up women to think of everyone but themselves.

I would sooner give to charity then gives these vultures a penny.

OP, relationships with colleagues come and go, please don’t give them money thinking that they will appreciate your gesture, they won’t.

You are not unreasonable at all. I wouldn't even give half for them all to share.

Had you not won and just ended up with nothing to show for your secret santa, I'm sure the rest of the team wouldn't start bringing you chocolate, wine or Bath stuff (or whatever they got gifted) to share with you.
Likewise the woman who bought the scratch card wouldn't have given you another gift if you had got nothing.

I'd totally ignore any more money begging requests and send out a happy Christmas message and leave it at that.

And joke winning scratch cards? That's vile!

Give the money to your DH.

Write to the colleagues saying that you've donated it all to a family member who needed the money, and you were really grateful to your SS for the opportunity to be able to do that.

Then if you feel the need buy everyone a £1 scratch card out of your own money and make it plain that's what you've done.

As usual it's worth RTFT - OP hasn't got the money yet so can't say she's donated it or used it to pay a debt, though I guess she could say it's being kept for this

For me DeRigeur's post was the best, pointing out that giving anything will just leave OP with less money and they'll still be moaning, so it's probably wisest to just shut this down with a straight "no" or, as said, the invention of a large unexpected bill

Not a very pleasant thing to do, admittedly, but then neither is theirs

Get the money (make sure it's real!) Buy the entire team a £1 scratch card each. Job done.

Rather than discussing this rubbish I'd ring up and confirm it's a real ticket.

It's a Camelot national lottery one?

I’m actually going to scrap my previous reply.

Giving away half in theory is lovely and kind but these people ultimately do not deserve it. They’ve asked you outright, or more like demanded that you share. How many of them would honestly share? How many of them have been given inheritance for example and shared it out?

In all honestly I now think giving it out will make it worse. It’ll raise their sense of entitlement with you and they’ll just keep questioning you.

As someone who was once in this category before I knew better:

As a teenager, I got given more pocket money than my friends - at least double. The reason being, my money had to go further. I got extra so that I could sort out my own toiletries, sanitary needs, buy most of my own clothes (because my poor dad was a bit clueless in this area so handed me the cash so I could sort myself out). I was taken advantage of majorly. I resent it so much now. The constant asking for money - I know it’s different as a teen but it affects your worth. I was also the first one to get a job and my friends wanted a share of my money because “it’s just greedy and selfish of me”.
Sadly as a grown up, while most of my friends have seen the error of this and now understand exactly why I had a bit extra and we are now understanding grown ups who are there for each other and will always help in a time of need.....some haven’t.

I inherited money. It was amazing how many “friends” came out of the woodwork - suddenly they were my longtime best mate and could I help them out?

Another friend won a similar amount to you. She told us about it. We never saw any of it. Didn’t expect to - we all said lucky you and wished her well on her holiday that she had splashed it on.

OP - quite honestly I would just enjoy it. Don’t raise it again. Just keep quiet.
If asked: “My husband and I are looking at the best way to invest it.”
Your colleagues are brass necked and entitled to nothing. In all honesty - would they be sharing with you?

Keep it. Don’t give half to colleagues who will be ungrateful and forget your gesture. It could also make you into the office push over / mug. You were lucky this time, it was your turn. They can play the lottery for their own chance.
An early Christmas present. Spend it wisely. After this year you deserve it.

Wow I'm in the 2% who think you should share!

For clarity, it's that I think you should give the person who gave you it half, nobody else. I think that's really fair.

Your workmates sound like a right shower of shit, I’m horrified at their reactions. As for the giver, she’s a cheeky bitch. Why on earth would you give away half to her? I’m in disbelief here. I’d 100% say that none of my workmates would dream of asking for handouts.

It is so strange that people would ask for some money. I have never worked anywhere where people would ask colleagues for money and I am sure there are many that would have a spare few thousand knocking around. For that reason, I also wonder if it is a wind up and they are all in on it.

@WoolieLiberal

PLEASE don’t bow to these people and give them your winnings. The ticket was a gift to you, if she didn’t want there to be a possibility you might win then she should have stirred her stumps to get a real present for you.

Give her a fiver for the cost of the ticket - hell, round it out to a tenner. But please please please don’t share it out between people you work with. Share with your family, your friends - not your colleagues.

I could have no respect for anyone that asked me this or that asked someone else that. You unexpectedly have a bit of extra cash, that doesn’t make it your responsibility to share it round.

I’m also worried that it’s a joke one - in which case I would seriously raise a grievance if they were all in on it.

The gifter took a risk giving you a scratch card if they begrudged you a possible win.

Tell them exactly that.

Why is the secret Santa deserving of 50% though? Surely it’s bad form to give gifts with strings attached

I would not dream of asking a colleague for money.

I mean this without being negative- are you always putting others first? I just can't imagine a scenario where a work colleague would think it ok to ask me for money, even if l had just won it.

Maybe give the person that bought it a small amount but that's it. If anyone else asks, say you gave it to charity.

And yes, next time say nothing. I would not even tell family if l won the lottery. People's expectations are ridiculous.

No need whatsoever to share! If you’d received any other gift, you wouldn’t be questioning if you should share it, would you? Don’t feel one bit guilty, and spend it on something for yourself. It was YOUR gift after all.

@Kendodd

Wow I'm in the 2% who think you should share!

For clarity, it's that I think you should give the person who gave you it half, nobody else. I think that's really fair.

Why?

Let's try a little thought experiment....

Say the gifter had some way of knowing that this scratch card was a £2k winner.

Would she have given it to the OP, shared the winning with the team or kept it for herself and replaced it with a non winning card?

I think it's safe to assume the latter.

It was always her intention to buy the OP something of no value. That's not really very nice is it?

Now what she wants in demanding half is exactly what we can assume she would not have done herself.

Why reward that behaviour?

In the same vein presumably all these other work colleagues wanting gifts/loans are so in need they to would have kept the money.

They are all being hypocritical and using emotional manipulation and for that alone they don't deserve a penny.

Being honest if they hadn't been greedy demanding half I probably would have given the gifter £200 as a bonus because they didn't expect it nor were they trying to emotionally blackmail me. But in these circumstances I wouldn't give a penny.

Unless the OP gives the gifter half and divides the rest amongst everyone, leaving her with nothing no one is going to be happy.

So no point trying to make them happy.

Its a shame that you told anyone about this, although perhaps shock and excitement made you do it. But it's your good fortune, so keep it for yourself.and have treats for yourself and family, or save for something special later.Its wrong for other people to say likewise.

I love the idea of giving everyone in the team a scratchcard of their own. Won't cost you much but you've done the same. Maybe give the person who bought it a bunch of flowers. Hopefully, once you've given to everyone you draw a line under it, but it hasn't cost much.

CF!!!!!
Why would they even buy a scratch card as a gift for one to ask for some of the prize back and two knowing there is a small chance of actually winning

For what it’s worth, I think your colleagues are CFs! Many years ago I worked in quite a large company with someone who went on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and won £250k. Not one person asked him for anything and as far as I recall, he didn’t hand any money out either! We didn’t even have celebratory cake!

Dear team,

Following my scratch card winnings, I've had many requests for money from various members of the team. Unfortunately, although I would love to help each and every one of you, honoring these requests would take me far above and beyond the winning amount!

As many of you may know, my great Aunt Bridget has been very poorly with (gout/scurvy/rickets), and, in the interest of fairness, I have donated £1,900 to the National (Gout/Scurvy/Rickets) Support Foundation, who have been a godsend these last couple of years. I honestly can't think of a greater cause. If you'd like to make a donation yourself, the link is ***.com.

The remaining £100, I will be gifting to Sandra, as a thank you for buying me the lucky ticket.

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas,

WoolieLiberal

Get tae fuck. Only answer needed.

Yeah sorry I’d definitely bung them a few quid OP

Everybody else can feck off

I can see bunging the giver of the scratchcard a token amount maybe (not half!), but the others are just being total CFs. Do people have no pride?

Fuck no don’t give them a penny they are cheeky fuckers. It’s not like you can clear your mortgage, as lottery wins go it’s pretty small. Just say you’re so relieved as it will let you clear a debt you were worried about and that’s a lovely Xmas present so thank you. You’re not suddenly loaded.