to think that 'you are/do' what pays the bills?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

This is something I've always found odd. When you ask someone what they do and they reply with a job or trade that they never actually made any money from and that they do something completely different instead.

Let me clarify. I know someone who trained as an interior designer for a year, redecorated her place, but works at the post office - has done for over ten years (she did the interior design course around 15 years ago). However if you ask her what she does, she says she's an interior designer. To me, that's inaccurate because her job is not designing interiors but working at the post office.

Another example: this man I know (friend's partner) works in a logistics company, decent job, been there for years. However if you ask him what he does he will tell you he's a musician (he and some friends have a band but have never been paid to play anywhere).

I totally get the freedom of speech and the fact that, at the end of the day, you can say what you like. But surely, from an accuracy point of view, the above is inaccurate? Just because my OH takes pictures of me that doesn't make me a supermodel?

I think the only reasons to care are either snobbery - which is most likely. Or if someone is saying they're a nurse or other profession where it could be dangerous that they lied.

Sadly society judges people with jobs that are percieved as low (even though those people kept is afloat this year) so I don't blame them saying something else if it makes them feel better.

Yes, I get that. But that friend's partner actually has a good job in logistics. I think he says he's a musician because that's what he wishes he were (he's always going on and on about it).

When I lived in London in 2000 I met a large amount of actors. At first I was really naive, and thought they were actors. It was only after getting to know them I realised it was more aspirational ....

I did think it was a bit odd, but, I think it said more about their insecurity.

I had a boss who thought he was a musician - it got very wearing. He played the guitar and sang at work social occassions, but I'm pretty sure nobody ever actually asked him to...

I'm imagining what these folks might rather wish to discuss at parties! You're struggling because of how you define things, that the answer to the question should be the pastime that earns the living is YOUR definition. I'm sure it's shared by loads of people, it's the traditional answer. But we've had decades now of suggestions that we answer based on what grabs us, what we're passionate about, so the folks who answer like this addres also ok, just following a different definition.

I don't earn any money, Does that make me nothing?

Hmmmmm I suppose you're right. But it can be such a loaded question isn't it? What do you do? Unless you're networking for work or something, it shouldn't really matter, unless you're a snob.

For some people it's just a conversation starter; something to talk about. In which case, if the answer is slightly inaccurate, it doesn't ruin the conversation for me at all.

On the other hand...you could find it sad that people define themselves by what people do to pay the bills. Maybe the person says they are a musician because that’s what their identified is and the other job is just something that pays the bills.

Surely in this case what the person does and who the are are two different things. He 'does' whatever the paying job is, but who he 'is' is a musician.

I think the two examples are slightly different. In the first, she's trained as an interior designer, and feels she wants people to know her background which is essential to her sense of who is she is.

In the second example perhaps your musician friend loves playing and spends most of his time thinking about music, cares about music most of all but can't make a living out of it, sees his job merely as necessary to pay the bills. Why should he not call himself a musician, if that is what he spends most of time doing?

TS Eliot worked in a bank. Anthony Trollope worked for the Post Office. Doris Lessing as a young woman worked as a telephone operator.

No one remembers them for their day jobs. You can be something without being paid for it. I do not earn any money right now. Like pp said - does that mean I am nothing?

I don't really understand why you think it's any of your business. It's completely irrelevant to me but why does it bother you that others define themselves by what they enjoy doing?

“ TS Eliot worked in a bank. Anthony Trollope worked for the Post Office. Doris Lessing as a young woman worked as a telephone operator.”

Yes. But at the time, if someone asked “what do you for a living?” they’d have said their job presumably.

It’s not a question I ask people but I have got into an awkward situation...a friend set up a meeting between me and someone who ran a business along the lines of something I wanted to do.

Early on in the meeting, it became clear he had a big inheritance and didn’t actually make any money from the business. These are the sorts of people I find odd.

Sometimes people will tell you what is the most meaningful to them or what they feel reflects their personality the best rather than what pays the bills

@DorisDaisyMay

When I lived in London in 2000 I met a large amount of actors. At first I was really naive, and thought they were actors. It was only after getting to know them I realised it was more aspirational ....

I did think it was a bit odd, but, I think it said more about their insecurity.

Oh yes I once dated an “actor”. It soon transpired he worked in a burger restaurant but quite fancied being an actor

Why should we be limited to using only our job descriptions to sum up who we are and what we do? Sounds pretty sad to me.

I'm a professional editor and writer and I also write in my spare time. Even if I didn't write professionally, I can imagine (depending on context) telling people I'm a writer because I am. It defines me in lots of ways.

I'm thinking this might be a left brain/right brain kind of thing though, perhaps...

I’m with you OP, feels a bit disingenuous.

Like those people who call themselves ‘models’ when it turns out they just post a lot of photos on Instagram.

Well "what do you do?" is a different question to "where do you work?" surely? Many people don't identify as their jobs.

I agree OP. When asking what someone does I'm not asking what they do for their hobbies that might give a bit of cash on the side. I'm asking what they do for gainful employment to pay their bills and taxes to fund the country.

People aren't their jobs. If you say, what do you do, they can reply with what they do, such as, I play football.

I mean a better question might be why people ask what jobs others do as an opening to a conversation.

Well, I am a children's writer, but I'm not a wildly successful one (yet..!)

Measuring myself by income, I would say I work in HR first, but write as a side thing/aspirational hobby.

Ever since he started working (about 30 years ago) my friend always tells people who asks he sweeps the runways at the airport.

I think people who ask what you do when they first meet you are assessing what degree of respect to accord you.

There are many more interesting things to chat about when you are getting to know people than their job.

Who the hell are you to tell people who they are, or that they can only describe themselves as what they make money on?

Many, perhaps most, people working in the creative professions and doing amazing stuff have day jobs. So the fuck what? It's hard to make a living in creative professions. If someone cares most about their acting even if they don't make a penny from it and that's what's most important to their identity, they're an actor.

I write. I will almost certainly never make a penny from my writing, and I don't give a shit because that's not why I do it. I am a lot of things. Including what pays my bills. And a writer.

"Yes. But at the time, if someone asked “what do you for a living?” they’d have said their job presumably."

But "What do you do for a living?" is a different question to "What do you do?" which is what the OP said - what do you do, what are you? I doubt very much that T.S Eliot would have answered that question with anything other than "I am a poet" or "I write poetry".

I disagree, I believe that what I am is much more than what I do to pay the bills. This is just a way of putting people into a slot that's convenient to the person asking the question.