to think that 'you are/do' what pays the bills?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

This is something I've always found odd. When you ask someone what they do and they reply with a job or trade that they never actually made any money from and that they do something completely different instead.

Let me clarify. I know someone who trained as an interior designer for a year, redecorated her place, but works at the post office - has done for over ten years (she did the interior design course around 15 years ago). However if you ask her what she does, she says she's an interior designer. To me, that's inaccurate because her job is not designing interiors but working at the post office.

Another example: this man I know (friend's partner) works in a logistics company, decent job, been there for years. However if you ask him what he does he will tell you he's a musician (he and some friends have a band but have never been paid to play anywhere).

I totally get the freedom of speech and the fact that, at the end of the day, you can say what you like. But surely, from an accuracy point of view, the above is inaccurate? Just because my OH takes pictures of me that doesn't make me a supermodel?

No, I don’t believe what you do for a living defines you

@Summerstorms lm assuming you don’t tell people you’re a poet, sculptor etc?

Another cringe. My fiancé says he is a nurse, not that he’s a musician or artist. Nursing pays the bills and he enjoys hobbies creating music and art. To say anything else would be a lie (and pretentious!)

Don’t start me on full time mum. Does that mean women with children who work are part time mums?!

Just ask her about her last job and anything interesting she's got in the pipeline.

OP I have a friend who does this too and it drives me nuts. I don't think there's anything wrong with any (legal, morally defensible) job, and it's great to talk about what gives you joy, your passion etc. But to pretend that you are a working actor, scriptwriter, singer when you have never been paid to do it is just plain lying and it's bad form.

@AcornAutumn

“ TS Eliot worked in a bank. Anthony Trollope worked for the Post Office. Doris Lessing as a young woman worked as a telephone operator.”

Yes. But at the time, if someone asked “what do you for a living?” they’d have said their job presumably.

It’s not a question I ask people but I have got into an awkward situation...a friend set up a meeting between me and someone who ran a business along the lines of something I wanted to do.

Early on in the meeting, it became clear he had a big inheritance and didn’t actually make any money from the business. These are the sorts of people I find odd.

TS Eliot would definitely not have said he worked in a bank!

Most contemporary writers, including some quite well-known ones, don't earn enough from advances and royalties to live on, so all but a very few bestsellers have a day job that allows them to pursue their primary work. Someone I know well was a postwoman and proof-reader for her first fourteen novels (which were well-reviewed and sold respectably), until, unexpectedly, her fifteenth was an enormous bestseller which then became an Oscar-winning film. She now writes FT, but it would have been ridiculous to expect someone whose life revolved around writing to describe herself as a postwoman/proof-reader until her writing finally started to give her an adequate income aged 51.

I’m curious
I do some artwork every day

Would anyone think it okay to say, in response to “what do you for a living?” “I’m an artist”?

Why are you so concerned about what others do to earn a living and how they talk about it? I've never come across this in my life.

@Plussizejumpsuit

Why are you so concerned about what others do to earn a living and how they talk about it? I've never come across this in my life.

Do you mean me or OP?

I never ask. I just gave an example of an odd and useless networking situation that arose from this.

I mean op. I know she isn't asking. But is obviously concerned with it.

If you do art everyday or a lot I'd say you're an artist @AcornAutumn

I man I knew from the school run told his child that he was an artist, and if asked that’s what she would say.
He actually didn’t finish his art course at Uni and flogs pet food.

@FippertyGibbett

I man I knew from the school run told his child that he was an artist, and if asked that’s what she would say. He actually didn’t finish his art course at Uni and flogs pet food.

I don’t get this at all.

I’ve never even done art courses.

My day jobs have never been part of my identity, and what I "do" is loads of things that have fuck all to do with those jobs.

What I do now I'm self employed is a bunch of those things full time, but unless someone specifically wanted to know what my bill paying job was I never led with that as my answer. They were dull as fuck and my actual work (which does now pay me full time, but hasn't always while I was building it) is much more interesting and doesn't kill conversations stone dead

Also I think "what do you do" and "what do you do for a living" are totally different questions :)

@hilariousnamehere

Also I think "what do you do" and "what do you do for a living" are totally different questions :)

Agree, yes.

What do you do is a bit funny though. “I watch a lot of Netflix and hang out on MN” 😂

My work is definitely not part of my identity. When people (Not networking) ask what I do for a living, I shrug and say “this and that”.

@AcornAutumn

I’m curious I do some artwork every day

Would anyone think it okay to say, in response to “what do you for a living?” “I’m an artist”?

I think you could legitimately respond "I'm an artist", to "what do you do?". If you wanted to be scrupulously honest, you could say "...but I also work at XYZ to pay the bills".

If someone asked "what do you do for a living", then again I think you could legitimately answer "I do xyz for money, but my vocation is art".

If you write, you are a writer. If you make art, you are an artist. Yes, it's pushing it a bit to describe yourself as an artist if what that really means is "I audited an art class in 1997 and haven't touched a paintbrush/lump of clay/canvas since", but other than that, I think people get to define themselves, end of story.

I don't get to write very much because of job and DC, and I actually do tell people that I do (thing I get paid for), which I also really enjoy, but being a writer is an important and legit part of who I am and what I do.

I'm mostly interested in what people like doing, and I think it makes for a more interesting conversation.

I do love job snobbery at parties, though. I'm global head of an IT function for a very large international organisation, but if a 'certain type' of person asks what I do, I say I'm a data administrator (which isn't untrue, technically).

It's a good filter.

Sometimes you have to take any job but if people ask you you may say actually I am a qualified whatever but I cant find work in that area atm

I think it is perfectly acceptable

I hate the question "What do you do?" with the expected answer being your job. Most people are so much more than their work and I don't think it's a useful question.

Fwiw I usually reply "lots of things" and take if from there. I don't have an easily defined 'job' and most people aren't really interested anyway.

thesebootsaremadeforawalking

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons
I was taught that it’s rude to ask what someone does (probably because half my family are medics in one form or another & don’t waste to discuss your ingrown toenail at parties!) & instead you should ask “how do you spend your time”. IME it also leads to far more interesting conversations.
I guarantee you that more than a few posters would be dreadfully offended by that question, call it goady and judgemental grin

Really?! The thinking behind it is that if you don’t want to discuss your work you can discuss your hobby/family

So in my family one psychiatrist would talk about his painting the other about what she is reading/her (not medical) research etc etc

God it's boring talking about people's boring day jobs. I'd much rather they told me what they aspire to do / be or what they enjoy doing for fun.

Your work life does not define you.

It's not something I generally care about. Some people work just to pay the bills but have other passions.

But I do understand where you are coming from and some people are irritating.

I have a friend who has been trying to make it as an actor for years. She calls herself an actor. She constantly hires photographers to do head shots / seasonal photoshoots (she's in her 40s but her parents pay for this as she still lives at home). She pays for these photoshoots but refers to herself as an "actor/model"

I don't think it's as simple as that. I was a surveyor, now I'm a sahm but I'm studying for a degree in a different subject part time. So I would probably say a sahm as that's what I spend most of my time doing, but it doesn't really reflect what 'I do'.

Yep. I'm a legal assistant. I love painting and drawing but I'm not an artist for employment unfortunately, so I can't say that!

I agree with you. You can't say I go on MN or Youtube all day.