To be wary of this school mum and her money issues

[moita]

I was recently added on Facebook by a fellow mum from my son's school. She mentioned her son talks about mine quite often and maybe we could meet at the park one day during the holidays.

I like her but I know her home life is quite chaotic and her little boy has some emotional struggles at school due to this (she's told me this and my son's mentioned this boy's behaviour to me).

She's started messaging me quite a lot mentioning how hard up she is. I initially sympathised but she kept on and started mentioning specific amounts i.e ' I just need a friend to lend me a tenner for the electricity and we'll be alright this week'.

I got a bit uncomfortable as we're struggling ourselves at the moment (I'm a carer and husband is furloughed). I've tried suggesting places she could get help (local council, health visitor, local charities) but she brushes this off. Then the messages mentioning money start again.

I do feel badly for her but AIBU to distance myself?

Back off and don't offer.

Yes. I would distance myself.sybe flag it with the school to make sure she's actually okay?

You're not being unreasonable. Maybe you just say "I wish I could help but we have nothing spare either" just to be crystal clear.

Maybe*

Definitely do not lend her money it will spiral. Just say ‘that’s a shame, we’re so skint too!’

Maybe say that talking about money really stresses you because things are tight for your family.

Or just - yeah, I know, it’s a struggle for most families.

@BashfulClam

Definitely do not lend her money it will spiral. Just say ‘that’s a shame, we’re so skint too!’

This

"i know how you feel - wish i had someone to give me £10"

just say I can discreetly tell the headteacher you could use some help/assistance at the moment as I really don't have the funds to help. This will make her back off

I would say something along the lines of “I feel your pain, we are also really struggling at the moment. Absolutely not a penny spare”. Then if she keeps asking, I would distance myself.

I agree with BashfulClam and others; keep to sympathising, as you are hard up yourself! Perhaps you were thinking of asking her the very same thing, as you're short of resources. pumpkintree's suggestion of seeking help on her behalf is also a good one! The suggestions you have already made are sensible ones, and she should think again about brushing them aside.

@BashfulClam

Definitely do not lend her money it will spiral. Just say ‘that’s a shame, we’re so skint too!’

This was my first thought too.

Just say we are broke, this is what I am considering and mention the help again

Distance, distance and more distance. Make noises of sympathy but tell her you’re so so hard up too.
Alternatively ask her to lend you a tenner as you’re so skint.... she’ll soon go quiet.

Block (assuming you can do this on Facebook, I don't know as I will not give Mark Zuckerberg my custom given that they fail to deal adequately with bullying on their platform yet go ape at the sight of naked flesh).

YANBU. It seems like she’s only got close to you in order to ask you for money unfortunately.

Don’t fall into the trap or you’ll never get out; just back off.

I'd give it to her straight: "I never lend money. To anyone." Because you'd never get it back from anyone who's cheeky enough to ask a vague acquaintance.
Don't worry. She'll soon move on to someone who's a softer touch.

Exactly as PP say. Say I know how you feel we are also really struggling with DH being furloughed - it's stressful isn't it - we literally don't have two pennies to rub together ? And leave it at that. I don't think she will contact you again

Oh gawd
Run away fast

I had one like this but the worst thing was I could afford to help so initially I did. A pound for dress up day (DD will be so embarrassed to miss out), a fiver for the electricity meter, a lift to the shops and wouldn't you know her card gets declined, can she just pop her washing in my dryer and on and on and on

Gave an inch and she took at least 10 miles. She thought that because I had more than her I was obliged to share. She never did anything for me or cared about me in any way.

In the end I told her I was going to stop lending or giving her any money because she is not my personal charity.

She went absolutely fruit loop and started slagging me off to everyone we knew, doing silent calls to my phone in the middle of the night and sending long ranting letters and emails. I actually had to report her to the police for harassment.

I did wonder why she appeared to have no friends when I first met her...

I would ignore the messages she will just keep messaging otherwise. Sounds like she's out for what she can get.

Don't give her any money. If she mentions being hard up again, I would say something to her like "I know what you mean, we struggle to make ends meet these days too". She'll know she's not getting anything from you and calm down on it.

I agree with PP's, just message her back, sympathising and saying you know how hard it is. There is quite a lot of help out there at the moment, and it sounds like you are pointing her in the right direction.

I felt awful once when I refused to lend a friend money, but I did offer her food which she turned down. She was later seen in the pub getting drunk, so wasn't "desperate to feed the kids" after all....

Absolutely distance yourself. If it's just the money, "yeah, we're skint too" will do, but it sounds like you don't really consider her a friend anyway (which is totally fine - we don't need to be friends with everyone), so just back away.

A firm No should be said (as, “Fuck of CF” could offend)

With distance yourself from this begging troll. She’ll never stop. Probably has a habit too, drinks and smokes. Vile