To be wary of this school mum and her money issues

[moita]

I was recently added on Facebook by a fellow mum from my son's school. She mentioned her son talks about mine quite often and maybe we could meet at the park one day during the holidays.

I like her but I know her home life is quite chaotic and her little boy has some emotional struggles at school due to this (she's told me this and my son's mentioned this boy's behaviour to me).

She's started messaging me quite a lot mentioning how hard up she is. I initially sympathised but she kept on and started mentioning specific amounts i.e ' I just need a friend to lend me a tenner for the electricity and we'll be alright this week'.

I got a bit uncomfortable as we're struggling ourselves at the moment (I'm a carer and husband is furloughed). I've tried suggesting places she could get help (local council, health visitor, local charities) but she brushes this off. Then the messages mentioning money start again.

I do feel badly for her but AIBU to distance myself?

I used to work with a woman who did this but in person. You’d get the sad story which always involved her kids going without in some way, then she’d drop the ‘hint’.

“Well looks like my lot are having cobwebs for dinner tonight. I’ve got no money until next week/pay day/whenever. £20 would come in really handy right now.”
Followed by a sidelong glance at me to see my reaction.

My response: “That sounds tough. I hope you are able to sort something out.”
Change the subject/find something urgent to do elsewhere.

I think she took me for a soft touch. I’m not.
Other people at work did give her money and of course, they never saw it again. She’s no longer there. Will never forget her and her stories.

Please Don’t! Do not Lend her any money, she won’t stop if you fall for her begging ...

Just start saying the same "we're so skint this week" "yeah so are we, its shit isn't it."

Turn it back on her. Ask her for a loan! She how fast she runs away!!!

Just completely ignore it if she mentions it alongside something else reply to that but completely ignore the moan/hint, if she messages only hinting or is moaning just don’t reply if she sends a message saying did you get my last message you reply yes but don’t engage further.

She will either
get the hint and stop asking,
Stop talking to you. Which sounds ok as you’re not actually friends. And to me it sounds like she has targeted you as a soft touch.
Ramp it up and ask directly which you can then squash

The thing about saying no is that she had t asked she just dropped massive hints. Therefore saying ‘we are skint too’ stops her asking. We had a neighbour like that saying ‘oh if a friend would lend us a tenner we’d survive!’ My mum once said ‘oh here’s 10p go and call a friend!’ (The neighbour had no phone and was always wanting to use ours, we had to change the number when her sister kept calling drunk at 3am on weeknights. She wanted my mum to get out of bed and go next door to get neighbour!)

I just wouldn't reply. Either that, or I liked previous PP who bluntly said I never lend money.

You've made helpful suggestions that she's ignored. I would be ignoring her messages, to be honest. She's not a friend - she's looking for a soft touch and has probably run out of people to do this to.

Even if you had the money to spare you would not be unreasonable to stay away.

I feel some sympathy for someone who's obviously so desperate she's messaging near-strangers on Facebook for money, but on the other hand she might just be a CF who has had success with this scheme before. Lots of people are hard-up but they don't resort to begging at the school gates.

Back the hell away from this woman.

She’s clocked you for a soft touch that’s why she’s gone in for the kill whilst barely knowing you. Once you start shelling out it will escalate. She’ll be coming round looking at what you’ve got and commenting as if you’re obliged to share.

@CoraPirbright

I would say something along the lines of “I feel your pain, we are also really struggling at the moment. Absolutely not a penny spare”. Then if she keeps asking, I would distance myself.

I agree with this advice! ⬆️ Don't get pulled in. It's not fair.

Eugh I cannot tolerate a ‘hinter’, so off putting

Where's the child's dad, or is that a silly question.

Don’t lend her money or she’ll be forever asking . Guaranteed you’re not the only school mother she’s hit on ....lm really sorry people are skint but aren’t we all !

People like this are scammers, they pinpoint their mark and then start the desperate please for help. It's a well rehearsed scam and once you fall for it she will never let you go. I nearly fell for one a few years ago but luckily backed away in time. These people think other people owe them a living so have no qualms about fleecing you. Just be wary and back away now when you have the chance. Ask her to lend you money and see how that works, you'll soon find out what she's like.