To want my baby to STOP TOUCHING ME

[FTEngineerM]

Argh!! This sounds awful but I can’t help it.

All day everyday it’s scratching, poking, sticky little fingers squeezing my boobs. Playing with my nips as he’s feeding. Pulling my hair. Screaming me.

DC is 6m and tonight I can’t bear him touching me, I feel like a shit mother for even feeling like this.

Thus is very common and I agree it can feel horrible and overwhelming. Only advice is to try and sub in a comforter and/or teething necklace

You're not a shot mother for feeling like that, sometimes you just get thoroughly touched out.

My twins have just turned 4 and I still feel that way sometimes. Doesn't mean I love them any less, just means I don't want someone else touching me every minute of every day.... Hang in there, its tough right now but you'll get through this!!!!

I think it’s very normal to end up totally touched out by your baby! It doesn’t make you a terrible mother. Do you get time on your own each day when someone else can look after him and give you a break?

You need a break. Do you have a partner?

Obviously it's natural from a baby to do this. Sounds like you might need break,can your partner help while you have a bath or something? When DD grabbed me I would hold her hand and let her squeeze my fingers.

I think feeling “touched out” is very common, OP! Sadly I couldn’t BF after 9 weeks, so didn’t get to this stage, but I’ve heard of this a lot, so don’t feel bad. Hopefully someone else will be along soon with more advice!

Its perfectly normal to feel this way, its so relentless. You're tired and stressed you dont want to be poked around even if it is by your baby.

You are not alone @FTEngineerM I think every mum goes through this at some point I remember 3 consecutive nights of no sleep I remember being really cross with 6m old for pulling my hair again. Felt awful after. After a break I was ok.

Can baby’s dad take over for a bit you need a break.

Oh god yes. I definitely felt like this at times. Still do and they're a bit older now!

Oh you’re not shit at all you’re a human being, babies are demanding and take so much out of you. I remember many times I would be ‘touched out’ by the time the kids went to bed I would want to run away if my husband wanted to cuddle me can you get some physical space from your baby? Leave them with a partner or friend etc and do some things alone and just ‘be’ with nobody demanding any of your physical space?

I used to get these feelings when my period was due! Those sharp little nails scratching me and touching my sore nips! Don't worry it's normal to have these feelings

I remember this feeling! I used to feed holding DD’s hands and I usually carried a teething ring or rattle around for her to hold if she got too touchy. I think you also need a wee break if you can get one?

You’re ‘touched out’. It’s totally reasonable. You need a break. It’s probably made all the worse by not being able to get out and do things like baby groups and meeting friends/relatives for a coffee or whatever (who you can palm baby off onto for a bit). Have you got a support bubble?

It is difficult when it is a major way how they are finding out about the world at that time. Can you try and file their nails ( I know my DS scratches himself if we do not carefully do this). Can you tie your hair back ( and not wear dangling earrings). Everyone can get tired

I know. I remember sometimes I would take a little holiday to the spare room for one night and let DH take the baby.

Probably not much use to you as I surmise from your post you are breast feeding. If you have a DP or anyone to help any chance the baby would take expressed milk in a bottle?

YANBU it's a physical reaction that you can't help. I used to co sleep as had a nightmare sleeper that woke every 90 min to feed and sometimes I drifted off and woke because I was pushing her away from me after having nightmares about being touched and groped by hoards of strangers, it was like my brain was screaming out 'enough!'.

Hopefully you're through the worst in terms of feeding though, if your baby is now old enough to start weaning and soon old enough to stop night feeds? I found that when I boobs were my own again I felt a lot better about it. Though my kids are now pre school and school age and I occasionally have moment where I lose it and have to demand that they give me a bit of space and just dont touch me for 5 min. I think it's a good lesson to learn though when they are a bit older that if someone says they dont want to be touched they have the right to be left alone.

Anyway I digress sorry, you're not a shit mother, everyone has levels of tactile that they are naturally comfortable or not with and it's normal if you need some physical space to be touched out by a baby

I remember feeling exactly like that. You have my sympathies OP.

DS is two and not BF anymore but I feel like this some days still, and then when he goes to bed the cat climbs all over me and I want to scream

Also they do get less intense as they get older, although now and again I’ll sit on the single chair and realise after a while my 7 yr old has squeezed in next to me and my 5 yr old is sitting on my knee honestly though I get it, it’s hard to have to give so much of yourself all the time

Bloody hell Im not alone. I was about to start ringing the GP thinking there was something underlying wrong with me!

Yes, DCs dad has just taken him in our spare room for a little bit. Currently lying in a dark room on my own.

I’m surprised how strong the feeling is.

YANBU AT ALL

IM AM SO TOUCHED OUT TOO

All the sodding time someone is climbing on me, screaming at me, clinging to me, pulling my hair, grabbing my face, pinching my skin as they attempt to climb up my legs....

Honestly sometimes I could scream JUST FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF

Totally normal, natural and understandable. You’re not a shit mum, you’re completely normal.
Just bc it’s your baby doesn’t mean that you suddenly don’t need any personal space or body autonomy,

Try to get some time and space away if you can, even if it’s just half an hour in the bath. You need that regular time out. Especially when you’re breastfeeding and they’re still so young and dependant.

It gets easier I promise!

I totally get this - I have a 4 month old and weirdly I think I feel it less intensely with him than I did with my previous dcs- but I am less tired with him than I was with the older two. I still cannot bear it when the cat climbs on my lap though after a long day of children all over me - I want to fling it across the room and DH looks at me as if I am a terrible person! It does get better but in the meantime you need to find strategies for getting some physical space whenever / however you can. Do you have someone who can take the baby for a while so you can lie on the bed or in a bath on your own for a bit, or do some yoga or similar? - I really missed totally unrestricted movement!

Excellent, glad to read you are now lying down in a dark room on your own!

If its particularly strong when you are feeding it's called breastfeeding aversion and I sympathise. I'm in a lovely Facebook group called Nursing Aversion / Breastfeeding aversion support.

Sometimes it is caused by magnesium deficiency- Epsom salt baths have really helped me- or you can a mg spray.

I know exactly how you feel. I started with twins; precious, long-awaited and much loved, but oh my!

And when they walked and wore shoes, they trampled my feet every time I dared sit down. 🤦🏼‍♀️