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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my baby to STOP TOUCHING ME

91 replies

FTEngineerM · 21/12/2020 22:47

Argh!! This sounds awful but I can’t help it.

All day everyday it’s scratching, poking, sticky little fingers squeezing my boobs. Playing with my nips as he’s feeding. Pulling my hair. Screaming me.

DC is 6m and tonight I can’t bear him touching me, I feel like a shit mother for even feeling like this.

OP posts:

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/12/2020 00:08

Ah yeah. Know that feeling. I pushed the cat off my lap this evening. I felt bad, she only wanted a cuddle. But with a newborn and a toddler... there are only so many demands my body can take.

EarthSight · 22/12/2020 00:12

@FTEngineerM

Bloody hell Im not alone. I was about to start ringing the GP thinking there was something underlying wrong with me!

Yes, DCs dad has just taken him in our spare room for a little bit. Currently lying in a dark room on my own.

I’m surprised how strong the feeling is.

Lol, no. You're not a shit mum. I think you need more time in that dark room to recharge, or maybe somewhere outdoors by yourself. Mothers do get annoyed you know!! They're not saints!!!

AnaisNun · 22/12/2020 00:14

No no totally normal.
My four year old is very very very keen on touching, and can be quite forceful.
I give lots of snuggles, impose gentle boundaries, explain patiently about bodily autonomy in a child friendly way...

And sometimes when it’s 5 in the morning and he’s in my bed waking me up by grabbing my stomach rolls and whispering “squishy squashy tummy tummy squishy squishy”, I tell him to “JUST GET OFF”.

And I don’t feel at all guilty.

Yeahnahmum · 22/12/2020 00:17

I hated it too. It is a dreadful fase.

Mine are older now but sometimes i still need to tell them to give me some personal space. Stop touching meeeeee.😅

Doesnt make you a bad mum op. Nobody wants to be a human boxball that gets drooled on and poked all the time.

alliwantisabitofpeace · 22/12/2020 00:18

My daughter is 9 and I feel the same a you most days.. I love her to pieces and we have a great relationship but by God she is needy and being a single parent I rarely get a break from it. Your not alone OP x

electronVolt · 22/12/2020 00:31

My mum was convinced that the movie trope of zombie hands coming round the door grabbing at you was created by a knackered mum who had Had AFuckingNough of being touched.

ChestnutStuffing · 22/12/2020 00:47

This is so normal.

I would think about putting a stop to the nipple grabbing while nursing. It will be a bit of a pain but it will make a huge difference. It's mainly a matter of telling him (even though he might not understand) and keep taking his hand away, telling him why. You can hold his hand if he will let you. Or sometimes giving him something else to hold works.

If he has a tantrum about it or a snit, stop feeding him. Wait long enough for him to be thinking about something else - 20 min maybe, or even 10 - and then try again. He'll make the connection pretty quickly.

I'd also just ditch the earnings and put your hair back for now.

MustardMitt · 22/12/2020 00:52

YANBU!

I had to tell my big nearly 12 year old to sit away from me a bit yesterday - I love a snuggle on the sofa but bloody hell, he was practically on my lap and I just needed a bit of space and air!

On the plus side he doesn’t touch my nips anymore!

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2020 00:56

Totally normal op.

DH has come home from work before and gone to hug me and I'm like WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME!!!!!! STOP TOUCHING ME.

Now have 1 year old twins and the 5 yo will just randomly come and shove a hand in my armpit (it's comfort not cheek) but some days I just cannot bear it and have to move away or Tel him to basically back off and give me space.

Y'all just need to stand 2m away from me.

Fucket · 22/12/2020 01:01

I second the idea of introducing some feeding etiquette, and as they get a bit older and start walking and grabbing too.

It’s not too early to gently say “no” and stop feeding. Soon they will connect the word “no” to what they were doing at the time and the resulting loss/interrupted feed.

Also as kids get older they can cope with a little separation for things like the toilet. I would put mine in their cot or playpen for a minute if I needed a wee and they couldn’t leave me alone. Even if they cry, if you explain you are going to the loo and will be back in a moment they will be fine. Take the baby monitor with you if you are that worried.

When dd bit me when she was feeding and giggled (about age 1). I really shouted, it was painful and I told her off, and refused to finish the feed. It didn’t take her long at all to realise that biting was not on!

Likewise after the age of 1, she wasn’t allowed to just grab a boob and latch on. There would be times it wasn’t convenient (out and about) and she had to learn to wait. There gets to an age when not feeding on demand isn’t going to starve your child, and they have to wait for a drink like everyone else.

username1724 · 22/12/2020 01:05

Ahh me and oh were talking about this earlier. Our youngest is 4 months and he needs to be holding something for comfort constantly. His little fists just beat you constantly and scratch until he can find the right place to hold onto (usually clothing or a finger) then you have to stay perfectly still so he can sleep, then his toes are constantly kicking and poking and he just wants to stand constantly so his feet are always looking for a platform. They are adorable but when it's constant 😑 dont feel bad its a tough job!

notangelinajolie · 22/12/2020 01:18

YANBU and the reason I didn't want to breast feed.

fallfallfall · 22/12/2020 01:32

Sock mittens when they nurse, hair tied back.
Sick of it after 3 kids back to back. Sadly dh bore the brunt of it and didn’t understand why when he touched me I wanted to take a cast iron fry pan to him.

GoldenOmber · 22/12/2020 02:19

YANBU at all. DS used to shove his hand into my armpit and up my sleeves. It gets easier as they get older but even with my older ones there are days they constantly end up leaning on me or twining themselves round me or oozing into my lap from wherever they start out sitting until I want to lock myself in a cupboards.

I remember trying to explain it to DH once and he offered me a hug. A HUG. I ASK YOU.

telephonebox · 22/12/2020 02:23

I'm the same with DD 21 months. She's constantly pulling me over to things, climbing all over me, picking out my mole on my neck when bf, fiddling with my boobs constantly, long sharp nails no matter how often I cut them and the sticky smelly fingers are the worse. I had a knee operation a few years ago and today she rode her scooter towards me and hit my poor knee with the handle I nearly cried. This year has been terrible for a lot of people and I feel for parents who don't get a break. Don't feel bad about this as there are many parents going through the same frustrations.

telephonebox · 22/12/2020 02:26

Btw, I often get my revenge in the night when she's asleep where I squeeze her cheeks and feet coz she's too cute when asleep ☺️

winterbabythistime · 22/12/2020 02:31

Yep, touched out.

I agree with a pp, if the baby is pinching you etc while you're feeding then say no and unlatch. They're clever so he'll soon learn.
If he'll take a bottle then maybe introduce one every day or every other day so you can go for a nice bath etc. and get a good few hours off.

BertieBotts · 22/12/2020 05:36

It doesn't magically get better, though. You need regular breaks. Make your your partner is taking DC so you can bath or sleep or just relax. It's tricky with lockdowns etc, but even if he just took him for a walk or to the supermarket regularly, that's breathing space and time for you. Don't underestimate this, it's not just a want but a need.

ukgift2016 · 22/12/2020 05:43

This thread reinforces why I don't want to BF!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 22/12/2020 05:55

Definitely normal, I felt touched out at times with both of mine. I used to have sore skin on my upper arm from youngest stroking the same area over and over.

Chocolate1984 · 22/12/2020 06:25

I think this is normal. There was a period where I was breastfeeding a baby, a two year old was hanging off me and then I’d go to bed and my husband would drape his arm over me. I hated it. I felt so angry every time someone touched me. Just wanted to be left alone. I just felt someone was always touching me.

KatieKat88 · 22/12/2020 06:40

I dont think it's exclusive to breastfeeding but it does play at part. My 13 month old DD has taken to unlatching, pulling my vest up and poking my belly button which I don't appreciate. But if she's sitting on DH's knee she'll do the same to him so at least we're equally abused feeds are quick and much less frequent now but around the 6 month mark I got a teething necklace and kept putting that into her hand if she was trying to put her fingers in my mouth. Also tied my hair up religiously before feeds until she learnt to stroke rather than pull!

DoTheMaccaroni · 22/12/2020 07:53

This is normal! I remember my friend saying to me the other week that her daughter had touched her so many times that day that when her partner touched her arm that night she was like “GET OFF, DON’T TOUCH ME” 🤣

winterbabythistime · 22/12/2020 07:54

@BertieBotts I agree with you, it's really a team effort.
I'm bf a newborn and have a 4yo. DH takes the newborn out in the pram once or twice a day while he's walking the dog, it really makes a big difference.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 22/12/2020 07:57

Haha yes. I didnt breastfeed but had a very cuddly child.

I've spent the morning begging for a cuddle now hes almost 7

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