To want my baby to STOP TOUCHING ME

[FTEngineerM]

Argh!! This sounds awful but I can’t help it.

All day everyday it’s scratching, poking, sticky little fingers squeezing my boobs. Playing with my nips as he’s feeding. Pulling my hair. Screaming me.

DC is 6m and tonight I can’t bear him touching me, I feel like a shit mother for even feeling like this.

YANBU...I remember this feeling well and I didn’t breastfeed after the first couple of months so can imagine you’re feeling even worse than I did. My closeness with my dh ended up being affected because I just felt “touched out” all the time, like my skin was permanently crawling. Sounds horrendous but it’s definitely a thing!

Oh my goodness this thread has given me flashbacks. DS2 used to put his finger in between skin and clothes like a sleeve or down a top constantly. It drove me mad. It was a tickley sensation. He couldn't be held without doing it. I don't think it stopped until Reception. Everyone else thought it was so sweet...

Now he asks me to tickle him - basically do the same thing back to him!

Sorry meant to say op. It is normal and a sign that you need some time away and alone to recharge. Hotel room overnight is a great way to do this btw. Even if it's on the side of an A road

I bf my baby until she was 15 months (would have gone longer but she self-weaned) and am a very attachment-y parent; bf, co-sleep, baby wear, ‘contact naps’ etc
BUT
I never let her touch me in a way I ‘didn’t like’ so I NEVER let her play with the second nip whilst feeding (makes me feel nauseous even now); didn’t entertain pinching / hair twiddling and pulling / playing with my nails and cuticles even though I know those things often settle a baby.
I will always put my baby first and do what’s best for her (I personally believe the attachment thing is best for us) but I’m also a person with boundaries which should be respected and I CANNOT stand that sort of ‘light touch’ - I hate it when people run their finger tips over your arm or the back of your hand in repetitive motion, it just feels like my skin in being sanded off

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/nursing-manners-2/

I remember wearing breastfeeding beads, putting my hair up and wearing clothes to cover my other breast when DS was twiddly. I think I also tried to gently redirect his hands The article above talks about these and other things you can try. It’s just a phase and will pass. You are not alone.

My youngest used to do my head in with the pinching. Tiny little fingers grabbing at the smallest, thinnest bits of skin on the inside of my elbows, my neck, my cleavage. Oh it was torture.

He's nearly 4 now and pinches his own neck instead, the weirdo. Says he likes it.

Necklace ordered, didn’t know they existed thank you!! This is why I love MN.

He does take a bottle yes, pumping is such a faff though so I don’t have a stash of milk because I don’t pump as often as I should.

I think I will today though, then have a glass of wine in the bath this eve. The kind where you just keep topping up the hot water .

That’s true this pandemic can’t be helping since only my DP can take him really, however I’ve got nothing to compare it to and it seems quite a popular feeling.

I used to have a pop up cot set up I would sit in sometimes to get away from toddler.

Being touched out is no fun, especially when your OH wants some action on top.

It passes though, it's pretty normal.

A long bath will help, especially with a little alcohol! Not in the bathwater, you understand. 😉

I remember one bath I took, days before giving birth to DC3, when ten little fingers kept coming under the door and the twins were being herded away, unsuccessfully, by my DH.

They do flotation tanks in dark, sound-proof spaces, don't they? The government should pay for every mother to attend.

Is this while you’re feeding? My son is very touchy/scratchy/pully too. I find a comforter whilst he’s feeding gives him something to yank around! I give him a muslin which he loves. He’s still a grabber but it helps.

My kids are 7 and 10 and I still feel this way but I used to feel it really strongly when they were younger.
I'm not a touchy feeley person really. It has affected my relationship with my husband because after a day of the kids constantly mauling me, the last thing I wanted was for my husband to touch me aswell. So much so ,we now sleep in separate beds.
Something that helped me was to have some time to myself each day. Even just ten minutes to have a cuppa when the kids were napping or playing. It would kind of reset me

I nearly cried last night when my 6 month old grabbed my cheek and pulled really hard. I totally get it OP.

9 month pregnancy plus breast feeding is a long time to have to share your body with a person you can’t reason with because they are relying on you for their survival. It’s intense.
It makes me sad to think the there are women beating themselves up for feeling touched out and fed up. It’s so understandable!

I can remember feeling that way, OP. My youngest is 3 now and has days when he constantly needs to clamber on me/touch me/be carried (he weighs a ton) and it is draining. Lovely in a way, but draining.

Hope you get to enjoy a peaceful and relaxing bath later!

I stopped breast feeding after 6 months as I got so fed up with the constant pinching, hair pulling and biting. You are definitely not alone.

Totally normal!!! I had to tell my husband not to touch me when he got home because I was so touched out. Of course now my eldest is three and so independent, and I'm there going " Please hug mummy!" 😂