To still be attracted to him?

[dolledall]

I know I'm being unreasonable but I think I need help.

I have had a "thing" with a man who I have known for a while but only started sleeping with in April. Let's call him Sam.

We have never been exclusive or official, but both have feelings for each other. He doesn't have an official job and what he does is illegal. He regularly beats people up for ridiculous reasons. It is awful and I would never do something like that myself. But I can't stay away. I am constantly desperate for his approval and reassurance and want him to want me.

On Saturday night he verbally abused my friend, he called her a multitude of names and threatened to hurt her. We were all drunk and he was on drugs. It was terrible. I have never seen him like that before.

I need to stay away from him, but I can't! My moods are based upon him. If he hasn't text me, then I will be in a mood and upset. If I haven't heard from him in a few days then I will be down and will try to do anything to get his attention.

I want to be with him but I know that can never happen.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I want somebody so terrible?!

I wish I didn't have such strong feelings for him, but I do!!

Don't be silly.

My vagina clamped shut just reading about him. He sounds utterly vile.

You have extremely low self esteem and you need some therapy to ascertain why.

He's awful, you know he's awful, he will destroy you, your friendships and relationships. Run and don't look back.

I had something like this with someone once. He wasn't quite that bad. But was verbally abusive and very moody.

I didn't actually like him as a person. But for some reason had crazy chemistry with him.

I didn't understand then and still don't understand it now! Sorry not much help but just wanted to say you're not the only one!

The hills are this way >>>

Second the self esteem post- please don't have unprotected sex with him.

He is hurting people for ridiculous reasons .... and doesn't have an official job. Translation violent drug dealer .

You can’t have a future with someone like this. Can you imagine introducing him to your family, your colleagues, could you get a mortgage and have children with him and happily take him along to parents’ evenings etc? It won’t work out, you need to extricate yourself as quickly and quietly as possible. If he is threatening your friend he could easily become dangerous to you when things don’t go his way.

He was a twat to your friend. He threatened to hurt her.
This alone would make me block him.

Imagine being in a relationship with him. He'd probably smack you about once he got comfortable.

Why would you bring this shit into your life willingly.

It's so hard because I know I should run and I know he is awful, but I just can't. I have tried before and I can't.

We get along really well, and on the most part he is a "nice" guy. I have never seen that side to him before. I could introduce him to friends and family because he comes across well and is polite etc. He just has that dark side to him.

@LuckyNumberThirteen

My vagina clamped shut just reading about him. He sounds utterly vile.

Same. Like a bear trap.

@dolledall

It's so hard because I know I should run and I know he is awful, but I just can't. I have tried before and I can't.

We get along really well, and on the most part he is a "nice" guy. I have never seen that side to him before. I could introduce him to friends and family because he comes across well and is polite etc. He just has that dark side to him.

A nice guy who beats people up and threatened to hurt your friend? Yeah he sounds like a stand up bloke.

I didn't say he is a stand up bloke at all. I'm saying, he comes across well.

He sounds lovely OP. Follow your heart - he’ll never turn on you.

Good sex is the only thing that really matters in a relationship anyway.

How long before he thumps you for the first time......

Not sure if it's worth mentioning he is struggles with his mental health and has issues controlling his anger. No excuse though, I know.

@dolledall

I didn't say he is a stand up bloke at all. I'm saying, he comes across well.

Comes across well til he's smashing someone's face in.

You could introduce him to your friends and family.....but I’d he has a drink he might abuse them.

I dunno what to suggest.

What happens if you don’t text /reply to him. Does he just leave you alone?

And he doesn't have feelings for you by the way, otherwise he wouldn't go days without getting in touch. He's using you for sex. Probably shagging other girls too. Easy to spot that type.

You love the drama, clearly

@AIMD

You could introduce him to your friends and family.....but I’d he has a drink he might abuse them.

I dunno what to suggest.

What happens if you don’t text /reply to him. Does he just leave you alone?

Yes, but he always messages me again at some point.

@LuckyNumberThirteen

My vagina clamped shut just reading about him. He sounds utterly vile.

What she said☝️

He will destroy you if you let him.

I’m guessing he’s a drug dealer or burglar

To be honest I think you need counselling or something to figure out why you’re so dependent on him when you know he’s verbally abusive to your friends and violent towards others. There’s nothing stopping his anger from being projected towards you - it’s early days yet. These are warning signs that you really should be paying attention to, but aren’t.

This isn’t a cute little love story, the “bad guy” colloquially referenced in films etc doesn’t literally mean an actual violent criminal.

@Waxonwaxoff0

And he doesn't have feelings for you by the way, otherwise he wouldn't go days without getting in touch. He's using you for sex. Probably shagging other girls too. Easy to spot that type.

I will go days too, I never ever get in touch first.

He is shagging other girls, we aren't together. I speak to other boys too.