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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re cancelling Christmas dinner as brother now in tier 4

80 replies

Wingingitmumia · 21/12/2020 09:15

Invited to DM for Christmas dinner. Brother (no children) goes into tier 4, his MIL cancels, so our DM feels sorry for him and invites him to dinner.
AIBU to cancel going to DM?

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 21/12/2020 09:17

Of course not.

DonkeyMcFluff · 21/12/2020 09:19

He isn’t allowed to go to your DM for dinner, regardless of whether she invited him or not. Tell them if they’re going to break the law you’ll be forced to stay away because you don’t want to be part of their illegal behaviour.

nosswith · 21/12/2020 09:20

I would have gone to DM for Christmas but cancelled as in tier 4 and mum is not.

QuantumJump · 21/12/2020 09:20

YANBU

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2020 09:21

YANBU. He’s in tier 4 and that really sucks for him but he can’t go to your DM’s for Christmas dinner.

We’re not seeing DH’s family for Christmas this year because they’re in tier 4. It’s just the way it is.

fishonabicycle · 21/12/2020 09:21

Is your brother alone otherwise? Aren't single people allowed to form a bubble so they aren't isolated?

ReeseWitherfork · 21/12/2020 09:21

I’m sure if he lives alone and DM is the support bubble then he probably is? I’m sure there’s a loophole there. But no one is being unreasonable to say they don’t want to socialise with anyone right now for whatever reason and with whatever tier. Especially as new mutation has made it all very very scary again (compared to just the one “very” a week or so ago).

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2020 09:24

If he’s a lone adult, he could potentially form a support bubble with his mum if he isn’t in one already and see just her, or just he could come to you.

They can’t both come to you. You’re right not to break the rules.

Aprilx · 21/12/2020 09:26

He shouldn’t be going anywhere for Christmas, why can’t he just spend it with his spouse!

I would cancel if I were you.

Aprilx · 21/12/2020 09:27

@PurpleDaisies

If he’s a lone adult, he could potentially form a support bubble with his mum if he isn’t in one already and see just her, or just he could come to you.

They can’t both come to you. You’re right not to break the rules.

He has a MIL so I would assume he is not a lone adult.
PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2020 09:29

He has a MIL so I would assume he is not a lone adult

The op doesn’t mention a wife being invited. It isn’t clear.
Hence the word “if”.

Gizlotsmum · 21/12/2020 09:30

Assuming he has a wife (MIL cancelled) then it sucks but he can’t go anywhere. We have had to have Christmas at home as we were due to go to family in tier 4. We will video call them and get together as soon as possible afterwards. They have a freezer full of food to work through and we (luckily) have enough to get us through. I stocked up in case we had to isolate.

Divebar · 21/12/2020 09:33

Is your DB the “ golden balls” of the family?

Original poster
Wingingitmumia · 21/12/2020 09:41

🤣 he is the baby and the only boy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wingingitmumia · 21/12/2020 09:44

Thanks all. He has a girlfriend who he lives with. Nothing was mentioned, but I’m assuming both have been invited.
I’ll be seen as overreacting for cancelling, but I’m just so uncomfortable with it all.

OP posts:
minipie · 21/12/2020 09:46

He shouldn’t be going anywhere let alone to see someone older and more at risk - he could be putting your mum at risk. He has a girlfriend who he lives with, it’s not like he will be alone.

Yokey · 21/12/2020 09:47

I feel sorry for you mum having to choose. I know it's illegal so I get your point, but I honestly don't think I'd listen to a law that banned me from seeing my son.

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2020 09:47

In that case, it’s clear cut. He’s breaking the rules by going and your mum is in the wrong for asking them to.

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2020 09:49

@Yokey

I feel sorry for you mum having to choose. I know it's illegal so I get your point, but I honestly don't think I'd listen to a law that banned me from seeing my son.
His mum doesn’t have to choose. The choice is already made. No one from a tier 4 area is allowed to mix on Christmas Day. The rules also say you can’t leave a tier 4 area except for a permitted reason (which this isn’t).
veeeeh · 21/12/2020 09:49

Just do your own thing.

Christmas is just ONE FUPPING DAY.

CrispySeaweedIsReallyCabbage · 21/12/2020 09:51

Yeah, I'd cancel. If they had a child under 1 or he was living alone, I think he'd technically be allowed to come, as he may have needed the support. But as it is, I think he isn't meant to go. I'm tier 4. Yes, it's a bit crap, but you know. It is one Christmas out of what I hope will be many more to come.

veeeeh · 21/12/2020 09:56

Christmas should never again be such a stress inducing time for folk.

I've had it with all the guilt crap anyway!

January sounds good lol.

Divebar · 21/12/2020 09:56

Oh your DM doesn’t want him to suffer inferior gravy or something. He’s being a dick. I’m Tier 4 and all my plans have gone up the swanney - my DD8 was crying and it was horrible. We’ve had to run around and buy the makings for a Christmas dinner and we’ll just have to make it as good as we can. Ultimately it’s one day and I would loath to pass on something that made my DM seriously ill.

Original poster
Wingingitmumia · 21/12/2020 09:59

Agreed!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wingingitmumia · 21/12/2020 10:07

I’m so sorry....
I’m yet to go to the shops 😱
I just think once this is all done we can have a massive party, but for now we have to do our best to protect ourselves and those we love.

OP posts: