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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re cancelling Christmas dinner as brother now in tier 4

80 replies

Wingingitmumia · 21/12/2020 09:15

Invited to DM for Christmas dinner. Brother (no children) goes into tier 4, his MIL cancels, so our DM feels sorry for him and invites him to dinner.
AIBU to cancel going to DM?

OP posts:
veeeeh · 21/12/2020 10:07

Posters here are just far too kind. I understand that, but I am a single minded Harridan!

I have absolutely no time for Christmas angst at all. Sorry now, I've made my feelings clear to family, and they feel ok about it now also. It just takes one person to state the bleeding obvious. Lol

Benjispruce2 · 21/12/2020 10:21

He can’t.

oneglassandpuzzled · 21/12/2020 10:23

Single household people are allowed to mix with their support bubbles, even in Tier Four.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/12/2020 10:25

@oneglassandpuzzled

Single household people are allowed to mix with their support bubbles, even in Tier Four.
He isn't in a single person household. He lives with his girlfriend.
oneglassandpuzzled · 21/12/2020 10:27

Sorry, I wasn't clear, I was responding to other posters, not the OP, on the subject of support bubbles.

Frazzled2207 · 21/12/2020 10:27

none of you should be going unless part of each others' support bubbles.

Is the DM in a support bubble with DB? If not then it shouldn't happen but in any case YANBU and you shouldn't go as you clearly can't be responsible for other people's actions.

Viviennemary · 21/12/2020 10:28

Do what you like. I thought three households could meet up for the day.

PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2020 10:29

@Viviennemary

Do what you like. I thought three households could meet up for the day.
Not in tier 4
Crowncan · 21/12/2020 10:32

@Viviennemary did you miss the part where the brother is in tier 4? OP of course you're not unreasonable to cancel.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 21/12/2020 10:33

Vivienne he shouldn't be leaving Tier 4 at all in his circumstances.

AndcalloffChristmas · 21/12/2020 10:35

As everyone has said, he can’t go to your mums as he isn’t a single adult.

You can choose not to go to the rule breaking gathering of course.

Or you could do your own risk assessment and go anyway as you wouldn’t be the one breaking rules, just the host and the one travelling from tier 4.

FamBae · 21/12/2020 10:40

Had to cancel DS and DGS on Saturday as they are in tier four, then get a call from him this morning, he has been contacted by track & trace to self isolate and is now awaiting test results, poor thing only goes to work and the supermarket so we are wondering who he has been in contact with (though he does house share) but makes you realise that this is damn serious.

oneglassandpuzzled · 21/12/2020 10:44

@FamBae

Had to cancel DS and DGS on Saturday as they are in tier four, then get a call from him this morning, he has been contacted by track & trace to self isolate and is now awaiting test results, poor thing only goes to work and the supermarket so we are wondering who he has been in contact with (though he does house share) but makes you realise that this is damn serious.
I hope he gets a negative result very quickly.
Dizzy1234 · 21/12/2020 10:48

Yanbu, we are cancelling out family plans due to the new restrictions, everyone needs to do their bit.
It's only Christmas, get together when we have this pandemic under control

ifonly4 · 21/12/2020 10:48

Whether he's allowed to be in a bubble or can travel, you have to do what your comfortable with. It sounds like you'd be spending time with your closest family and you have to decide if you feel happier not risking it, or you're desperate to see them at all costs.

Monkeytapper · 21/12/2020 10:48

What’s his girlfriend doing...? Staying at home whilst he gets fed at his Mums or have I missed that..?

Monkeytapper · 21/12/2020 10:49

Sorry, just seen, you assumed gf has been invited. They will be fine on their own as a couple to stay at their own homes.

NamechangedforAIBU · 21/12/2020 10:51

Your mum is unreasonable in inviting him!

YANBU

CouldBeOuting · 21/12/2020 10:54

@Yokey

I feel sorry for you mum having to choose. I know it's illegal so I get your point, but I honestly don't think I'd listen to a law that banned me from seeing my son.
I’m not allowed to see my daughter! I’m listening to the law!

People who ignore the laws are contributing to the whole damn mess

Viviennemary · 21/12/2020 10:58

No I didn't miss it. Since loads of people have exited tier 4 Saturday night and spread their germs round the rest of the country it's a bit shutting the stable door worrying about one household. Sorry if I sound furious but I am. Not at OP but at this whole wretched chaotic business.

Sally872 · 21/12/2020 11:07

Tbh I would be cancelling and telling DM and DB I am annoyed that they are taking risks. Why would dB put your parents at risk? Why would DM not protect themselves more. If he was on his own I could understand the dilemma for dm but he is with his girlfriend.

FamBae · 21/12/2020 11:09

oneglassandpuzzled:

Thank you, I've just spoken to him and it's one of his housemates who picked it up from a colleague. Her only symptom is a sore throat thankfully. They should be clear by the 27th and then he can see his ds.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2020 11:14

If you are in tier 4 and part of a support bubble with someone not in tier 4, you can go and see them but the Christmas 3 households is no longer allowed.

If the OP’s brother was a single adult (which it doesn’t sound as though he is), he could bubble with the mother. However, OP would not be allowed to visit as well. It really is one or the other.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/12/2020 11:17

@Wingingitmumia

Thanks all. He has a girlfriend who he lives with. Nothing was mentioned, but I’m assuming both have been invited. I’ll be seen as overreacting for cancelling, but I’m just so uncomfortable with it all.
It's because people haven't "overreacted" (followed the basic rules properly) that the virus continues to spread. You're right to "overreact". It's not worth the risk. Have a nice family Christmas and look forward to a better one next year.
IdblowJonSnow · 21/12/2020 11:17

Yanbu. They're breaking the law, you'll have to cancel. There are going to be millions of people 'bending' the rules. January fallout should be fun! Xmas Hmm