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AIBU?

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Original poster

Homeless with 1 year old.. where can I get help?

136 replies

sophiathefirst1 · 20/12/2020 19:04

Hi, I have name changed for this. Posted for traffic,

Long story short - found out partner of 5 years has cheated tonight. Massive argument, haven't been happy for months. We live in his house which nothing belongs to me. We have a 12 month old daughter together.

He has demanded I leave tomorrow. (Which I will happily as I cannot bear to be here with him anymore than I have to be)

I have no money, around £40 to my name.
I don't drive.

I can stay with my mum probably tonight but that's it, she has 4 younger children herself.

Where do I get help ASAP?

OP posts:
sassbott · 21/12/2020 16:30

Christ. Every post on here is turning into he’s abusive! LTB! Arguments happen. People say things in the heat of the moment.
Just because a bunch of you want to take one episode and make him abusive, doesn’t make it so!

snookercue · 21/12/2020 16:30

@Hercules12

The op says herself he's not abusive...

Oh well, that's that then.

sassbott · 21/12/2020 16:32

Have any of you worked/ seen emergency housing/ hostels/ b&b’s? I have. Through volunteering. They are grim beyond belief and not somewhere I would put a 1 year old unless their lives were at risk.

His behaviour is awful yes, he’s cheated. But that does not translate into abusive, coercive and controlling.

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:33

He may well be abusive but I wouldn't base that on one comment in a heated argument.

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:34

I honestly think that things would have to be a lot worse before someone should go for the homeless option. In an ideal world yes but the op is likely to be in a worse off position.

Gogreengoblin · 21/12/2020 16:34

@SirVixofVixHall

Yes I agree re GDPR breach, you need to complain strongly to this person’s superior, doing something as stupid as this could cost another woman her life.
That's exactly what I thought. Incredibly shortsighted of them.
snookercue · 21/12/2020 16:36

Christ. Every post on here is turning into he’s abusive! LTB! Arguments happen. People say things in the heat of the mo* ent.*

He told her to leave. She wants to leave. Did you even read the OP?

Just because a bunch of you want to take one episode and make him abusive, doesn’t make it so!

If the 'episode' displays abusive behaviour then yes. It absolutely does make it so.

sassbott · 21/12/2020 16:36

It’s not a gdpr breach. Hmm

The OP was told they would need to call him to substantiate her story. So she was told he would be getting contacted.

snookercue · 21/12/2020 16:36

@Hercules12

He may well be abusive but I wouldn't base that on one comment in a heated argument.
Stop minimising. It's dangerous.
sassbott · 21/12/2020 16:40

Yes. I read all the posts.
People argue. Things can get said. Him telling her to get out? Unacceptable behaviour. Him cheating, also unacceptable?
Like I said, happens all the time. People want to leave unhappy / cheating relationships all the time. Go to the relationships board.

It’s clearly not a happy relationship. But would I leave an unhappy home in current situation and move to emergency housing? No.

Now if the OP ever feels unsafe, that’s a different matter.

sassbott · 21/12/2020 16:41

No one is minimising. Do none of you ever argue. Or say things you later apologise for? Seriously? Are you even human or a bunch of bots posting?

Orf1abc · 21/12/2020 16:43

He told her to leave. She wants to leave. Did you even read the OP?

He then said she could stay.

Unfortunately social housing is in very low supply and only immediately available to those who find themselves with no other options, not simply wanting to leave and wanting security.

Orf1abc · 21/12/2020 16:44
  • security of tenure

There's no suggestion that the OP is at risk of harm in her current housing.

snookercue · 21/12/2020 16:45

No one is minimising. Do none of you ever argue. Or say things you later apologise for? Seriously?

Yes. But OP has been unhappy for months, he has been cheating on her. He said wants her out. She wants out. He is controlling her by not telling the council he wants her to leave.

Are you even human or a bunch of bots posting?

Bots? Because people don't think or see things the same as you? Bit of a low stoop there.

snookercue · 21/12/2020 16:46

@Orf1abc

He told her to leave. She wants to leave. Did you even read the OP?

He then said she could stay.

Unfortunately social housing is in very low supply and only immediately available to those who find themselves with no other options, not simply wanting to leave and wanting security.

He said that to the housing officer. It's a cunt move and nothing else.

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:48

He also said it to the op and apologised. Noone is saying he's a nice person or what he did isn't horrible.

Orf1abc · 21/12/2020 16:48

He said that to the housing officer. It's a cunt move and nothing else.

He said it to the OP as well, last night. If that changes then she needs to update her housing application accordingly.

sassbott · 21/12/2020 16:52

No one is saying he isn’t a see you next Tuesday. He sounds like a total arsehole. Still doesn’t warrant emergency housing though.

PearlescentIridescent · 21/12/2020 16:53

Oh OP I'm so sorry this happened.

I wish to god I had remembered that they do that. Unfortunately they are within their rights because it is part of the process. And if you refuse any step of the process then they just label you as intentionally homeless.

It does put vulnerable women at risk. I suppose he will never give you the freedom by giving the council a hard deadline. A hard no from the person you are staying with plus no legal right to live there is basically the only way to be considered homeless. What a nightmare for you Flowers

Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 17:01

@sassbott

No one is saying he isn’t a see you next Tuesday. He sounds like a total arsehole. Still doesn’t warrant emergency housing though.
I also agree that this doesn't warrant emergency housing because he is an arsehole.

And I would not go to the council purely on this matter.

I went to the council for emergency housing because I was told that I was leaving the house tonight with my child. Which is what he said when I wrote this post.

I did what I thought was best and with the advice I've received

OP posts:
snookercue · 21/12/2020 17:04

So he is dangling your living security on a sting and you are happy with that?

Orf1abc · 21/12/2020 17:06

You have done what's best, it's just that your circumstances changed in the meantime. It's positive that you're now in the system, so you'll soon be able to apply for/ bid on properties, and should things change again, you know what to do next. It's disappointing that you can't get help sooner, sadly there's not nearly enough social housing to meet demand.

Orf1abc · 21/12/2020 17:07

snooker, sophia has not said she's happy, she's just making the best of a crap situation.

sassbott · 21/12/2020 17:09

OP, you did the right thing. Now, just line up plan b. Trust me, you don’t want to be in emergency housing this time of year with a 1 year old if you can help it.

I’m sorry this has happened to you.

Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 17:11

@snookercue

So he is dangling your living security on a sting and you are happy with that?
No course I'm not. Where did I say that? Confused
OP posts:
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