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Original poster

Homeless with 1 year old.. where can I get help?

136 replies

sophiathefirst1 · 20/12/2020 19:04

Hi, I have name changed for this. Posted for traffic,

Long story short - found out partner of 5 years has cheated tonight. Massive argument, haven't been happy for months. We live in his house which nothing belongs to me. We have a 12 month old daughter together.

He has demanded I leave tomorrow. (Which I will happily as I cannot bear to be here with him anymore than I have to be)

I have no money, around £40 to my name.
I don't drive.

I can stay with my mum probably tonight but that's it, she has 4 younger children herself.

Where do I get help ASAP?

OP posts:
PearlescentIridescent · 21/12/2020 08:30

You are doing the right thing OP, it sounds like making an independent life for you and DD and you are absolutely right that you will be okay :)

Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 09:49

I have rang the council this morning. I told them it was a relationship breakdown and that he wants me to be gone tomorrow. She took all my details and I'm awaiting a call back from housing options.

You know weirdly, although it's stressful and worrying, I feel like a huge weight is slowly being lifted off my shoulders.

I've always felt like a lodger in this house, I cannot wait to the day that I have a place that is in MY name with my daughter. (Fingers crossed)

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 21/12/2020 12:48

Good luck. If you haven’t heard back you need to call them back and ask to be put through to duty worker as nowhere to sleep tonight.

isseys4xmastinselcats · 21/12/2020 13:16

read this yesterday hoping all goes well for you and your baby and the council manage to sort out something decent for you

movingonup20 · 21/12/2020 13:52

If you haven't already, apply for uc, it's all online, there's a wait but the quicker you get into the system the better

Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 14:11

So it's all gone tits up and I'm devastated.

They rang him!

And he told them that I can stay, I don't have to go anywhere. 😭

So now they said if I go I'm intentionally making myself homeless and they can not help.

I honestly thought I was getting somewhere. Now I feel trapped.

Back to square one.

OP posts:
Theforest · 21/12/2020 14:20

Why did he say that if he wants you to leaver?

twittwootwittwoo · 21/12/2020 14:26

@sophiathefirst1

So it's all gone tits up and I'm devastated.

They rang him!

And he told them that I can stay, I don't have to go anywhere. 😭

So now they said if I go I'm intentionally making myself homeless and they can not help.

I honestly thought I was getting somewhere. Now I feel trapped.

Back to square one.

Ring them back and say he's mentally abusing you and you're trapped
Esse321 · 21/12/2020 14:26

Can you call women's aid for advice?

MitziK · 21/12/2020 14:28

@sophiathefirst1

So it's all gone tits up and I'm devastated.

They rang him!

And he told them that I can stay, I don't have to go anywhere. 😭

So now they said if I go I'm intentionally making myself homeless and they can not help.

I honestly thought I was getting somewhere. Now I feel trapped.

Back to square one.

You tell them he's lying to make you homeless as part of abuse.
MitziK · 21/12/2020 14:30

(Adding) If you are experiencing coercive control/domestic abuse (which you are), that makes you legally homeless. As such, they have a duty to assist.

Social Services/Womensaid/etc will be able to help you substantiate this to them. And you keep contacting them - they have to tell you that, it's their job, just as if you told them you had somewhere to sleep tonight, they would have to say 'well, you have somewhere to stay tonight already'.

snookercue · 21/12/2020 14:32

Contact women's aid ASAP

Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 14:34

@Theforest

Why did he say that if he wants you to leaver?
Because if you read my previous post he said that he was sorry blah blah and that I can stay until I find somewhere else which is what he told them, which is why they said that if I leave now I'm intentionally making myself homeless.
OP posts:
Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 14:35

@MitziK

(Adding) If you are experiencing coercive control/domestic abuse (which you are), that makes you legally homeless. As such, they have a duty to assist.

Social Services/Womensaid/etc will be able to help you substantiate this to them. And you keep contacting them - they have to tell you that, it's their job, just as if you told them you had somewhere to sleep tonight, they would have to say 'well, you have somewhere to stay tonight already'.

He isn't violent or abusive though.. I thought womensaid was for women experiencing that only?
OP posts:
Chailatte20 · 21/12/2020 14:37

Yes coercive control is now a recognised part of domestic abuse so you need to ring them back and tell them this. I'd also mention that he's financially abusing you too. Call the police on 101 and tell them this as well.

snookercue · 21/12/2020 14:37

He isn't violent or abusive though..

Of course he is abusive! He is preventing you from leaving ffs. Call women's aid. They are absolutely for this.

JillofTrades · 21/12/2020 14:40

After you told them it's a relationship breakdown why did they call him? Is that standard. How do they know if you were in danger by doing this?

snookercue · 21/12/2020 14:42

@JillofTrades

After you told them it's a relationship breakdown why did they call him? Is that standard. How do they know if you were in danger by doing this?

Also this? I don't understand what they called him for. I would, once you are settled, put in a complaint to the council about this. It is very very dangerous behaviour.

Crayfishforyou · 21/12/2020 14:43

He is abusive. He is actively preventing you from leaving. He is physically controlling your future and blocking your independence, he has you trapped.
That is coercive control and abuse.
Please call women’s aid.

Krook · 21/12/2020 14:44

Gosh,this is awful, how did they get his number?

waitinggame108 · 21/12/2020 14:45

Hi OP

So frustrating he has stated this to the council.

You have two options,

A) call the council back and say of course he would say this, he is trying to control you. The property is in HIS name not yours. It is not a JOINT tenancy and therefore he can kick you out at any given money, as he has done. You have no security for your child and your scared to go back.

Then call women's aid and explain. They are not just for violence but women in crisis at the hands of men, which is what your situation is.

B) Get a DVPO preventing him from returning to the property.
"A DVPO can prevent the perpetrator from returning to a residence and from having contact with the victim for up to 28 days. This allows the victim a degree of breathing space to consider their options with the help of a support agency"

www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-violence-protection-orders/domestic-violence-protection-notices-dvpns-and-domestic-violence-protection-orders-dvpos-guidance-sections-24-33-crime-and-security-act-2010#the-dvpn--dvpo-process

This will be harder to prove if there is no background of DV but is your only other option at the moment.

LittleMissLockdown · 21/12/2020 14:46

@JillofTrades

After you told them it's a relationship breakdown why did they call him? Is that standard. How do they know if you were in danger by doing this?
It seems like a very risky thing to do. Especially considering the chances of abuse and controlling behaviour when a relationship breaks down aren't exactly uncommon.

You need to contact women's aid ASAP.

SirVixofVixHall · 21/12/2020 14:48

Yes, incredible that they called him, given that many abusive men will do anything to hold onto their partners.

TabithaTowers · 21/12/2020 14:51

Isn't that a GDPR breach?
I work in a similar field and would NEVER call a persons partner or anyone else for that matter, without their consent.

SirVixofVixHall · 21/12/2020 15:17

Yes I agree re GDPR breach, you need to complain strongly to this person’s superior, doing something as stupid as this could cost another woman her life.

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