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AIBU?

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Original poster

Homeless with 1 year old.. where can I get help?

136 replies

sophiathefirst1 · 20/12/2020 19:04

Hi, I have name changed for this. Posted for traffic,

Long story short - found out partner of 5 years has cheated tonight. Massive argument, haven't been happy for months. We live in his house which nothing belongs to me. We have a 12 month old daughter together.

He has demanded I leave tomorrow. (Which I will happily as I cannot bear to be here with him anymore than I have to be)

I have no money, around £40 to my name.
I don't drive.

I can stay with my mum probably tonight but that's it, she has 4 younger children herself.

Where do I get help ASAP?

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 21/12/2020 15:18

Time to call them back and kick right off.

They shouldn’t have called him. They actually could have put your in a dangerous position. Please call back and complaint and impress you have no safe option tonight.

Notimeforaname · 21/12/2020 15:32

They couldn't have called him ??! Wtf. How did they get his number and why would they call him. Jesus

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 15:37

Where does the OP say he's been in any way abusive?

Krook · 21/12/2020 15:38

How did they get his number?

Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 15:41

They asked for 5 years address history, so obviously gave this address, and then they asked who owned it and so I gave him name and they asked for his number.

They said that they may have to ring him to confirm that he is kicking me out, to which I said right ok, is that necessary? And she said yes as I may be lying Hmm and they would persuade him to give me an extension to which I said I didn't want an extension as it's a relationship breakdown and this is his house, and she said yes but you can't intentionally make you and your baby homeless. So I didn't really have much choice.

Then she told me they rang him and he said I can stay here till I found somewhere else and she actually said and I quote 'he sounded like he wanted to make things work' I mean wtf? Did I ring a relationship advice line????

She booked me an appointment for a housing assessment but it's not till the 21st Jan so she said I can stay here till then.

OP posts:
Original poster
sophiathefirst1 · 21/12/2020 15:43

I also said that obviously he's going to say that to you on the phone and that they don't know him.

I said, what if he comes home tonight and says right then.. get out??
I said I have a baby to think about and don't want to live with such uncertainty.

And she said well if he does that and your physically on the street you will have to ring the emergency housing and we will find you a hostel/bnb.

OP posts:
movingonup20 · 21/12/2020 15:50

You can still move out but you need to apply for benefits and look for a property rather than being put into temporary housing (which is likely to be a room with shared facilities). It's standard for them to verify whether you are homeless.

Ring them and say that whilst he's not making you leave today (unlike what he said yesterday) the situation is very uncomfortable and you need help to find alternative accommodation, they should give you a list of agencies/landlords

lockdownbreakdown · 21/12/2020 15:51

With a child you are priority need. Show up at the council tomorrow and tell them you are in an abusive relationship both coercively controlling and financially therefore you cannot return home. . See if you can get an advocate from womens aid to go with you. You will need to really stand your ground and not take no for an answer.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 21/12/2020 15:53

He’s said that to scupper your chances of getting housed! To keep you with him. Asshole!

UncleBunclesHouse · 21/12/2020 15:58

No further advice but I’m so sorry and he is a first class scumbag for not moving out himself until you and DD can get sorted out Flowers

TheGreatWave · 21/12/2020 16:04

@Hercules12

Where does the OP say he's been in any way abusive?
So threatening to throw his young child and her mother out on the street is perfectly acceptable behaviour?
Gogreengoblin · 21/12/2020 16:07

That's so bad that they rang him!
I'm really surprised that they are even allowed to do that given that it is an abusive situation.
You have my sympathy.

PandemicPavolova · 21/12/2020 16:07

Sorry to go agaisnt the grain but as he's not been abusive I think it's better to stay put right now.
Emergency housing in a pandemic with people already saying how awful it is? A pandemic on top, no proper bedding etc and a vulnerable 1 year old?

Right now you're with a man who sounds awful but you are safe?

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:11

He's clearly a complete dick but has changed his mind and nay well have been said in heat of moment. He asked Op to leave i thought not his child. I absolutely don't disagree its a horrible situation to be in but I don't think we know enough to state abusive. Op would be better off getting help to rent privately.

Orf1abc · 21/12/2020 16:13

I expect the housing officer knows that the emergency accommodation will be far worse than staying with your ex.

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:14

can't quote but Orf1abc is right.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/12/2020 16:14

Against the grain?

He told her that get out, child and all. He backtracked only on the immediacy.

We none of us have any idea if he is being abusive, only OP can know that. But his actions certainly could be abusive, controlling and intended to make moving out as difficult as possible for OP.

All OP needs from us is confirmation that her actions are valid and information on how to bypass anything he may be trying to do.

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:15

Where does op state he said child had to leave?

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:17

The op says herself he's not abusive...

frazzledasarock · 21/12/2020 16:23

How is demanding your partner leave her only available place of housing not abusive?

He may not be beating her up. But he’s using the fact he owns the house as a method of control.

And what mother would leave behind her one year old baby with a man who’s emotionally abusive and who’s not been the baby’s main carer?

sassbott · 21/12/2020 16:23

Sorry but to all the posters citing leave now! He’s abusive! Says who?

You’re telling a woman to leave accommodation (where she and her baby are safe albeit unhappy) midst pandemic and pre Christmas just as covid cases are increasing exponentially.

Do you have any idea how many spouses find out their spouse is cheating and have an argument? Only to have to stay put and make it work whilst a divorce/ separation goes through? Even though they are utterly miserable? It’s called life.

She’s been told what to do. And an application is in. It’s not an emergency, and therefore she needs to follow guidelines and accept that where she is (for now) is far better than what they will give her on an emergency basis.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 21/12/2020 16:24

The first duty of the council is to prevent homelessness and it will almost always try to do that by keeping people where they are.

LittleMissLockdown · 21/12/2020 16:28

@Hercules12

The op says herself he's not abusive...
Not to be blunt but just because someone in the relationship doesn't see it as abusive absolutely doesnt mean that one person in the relationship isn't being abusive.

It's incredibly naive to think he's not abusive just because the OP hasn't said he is.

Hercules12 · 21/12/2020 16:29

The op would be better off to sort out somewhere safe and of a decent quality to live than going into homeless shelter.

snookercue · 21/12/2020 16:29

Sorry but to all the posters citing leave now! He’s abusive! Says who?

Erm, read the OP posts?

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