Homeless with 1 year old.. where can I get help?

[sophiathefirst1]

Hi, I have name changed for this. Posted for traffic,

Long story short - found out partner of 5 years has cheated tonight. Massive argument, haven't been happy for months. We live in his house which nothing belongs to me. We have a 12 month old daughter together.

He has demanded I leave tomorrow. (Which I will happily as I cannot bear to be here with him anymore than I have to be)

I have no money, around £40 to my name.
I don't drive.

I can stay with my mum probably tonight but that's it, she has 4 younger children herself.

Where do I get help ASAP?

Just the mother. She can leave the 1yo with her dad

Fuck that! He’s a cheating bastard, and now you’re saying the op should lose her daughter too? The op is I’m presuming the primary carer/resident parent/parent with care, so wherever she goes the child goes with her.

DP used to work in housing.

Stay with your Mum tonight.

Present as homeless first thing in the morning. If they ask where you stayed overnight, his advice is to say you slept in the car, as otherwise they'll tell you to stay at your Mum's until she calls the police on you.

Then they are most likely to try and find a B&B place 'somewhere' whilst your application is dealt with. Don't be picky, just take anything they offer as if you refuse it, you're on your own permanently.

This really is awful, the best of mumsnet with advice on this thread. He sounds awful, wishing you all strength

If he isn't violent OP, can you ignore him and stay there until the Council has a place for you? Just because he told you to leave doesn't mean you have to do what he says. I'd ignore him and take my sweet time - assuming he isn't violent, and you haven't mentioned he is.

You start by finding emergency accommodation, and once you have that you can start looking for permanent accommodation.

Women's Aid, Refuge, your local council and Shelter are good places to start with emergency accommodation.
There may also be local charities so look for those while you have internet access.

Make use of the house and internet access while you have them.
If you have a printer, collect all the details together and print them out, then save them to your phone.
Cook and have something to eat.
Charge up your phone and other gadgets while you have electricity.
Get your laundry done so you have clean clothes to take.
Have a shower.
Collect all of your documents into one place and be ready to leave quickly in case he turns violent.

Check out the Relationships board, there are some very knowledgeable women there and its less of a bear pit than AIBU.

You don’t have to wait till tomorrow to claim UC . You can do it online now.

What a bastard OP. I echo other posters. Present at the council. Make a UC claim now!

@DianaT1969

If he isn't violent OP, can you ignore him and stay there until the Council has a place for you? Just because he told you to leave doesn't mean you have to do what he says. I'd ignore him and take my sweet time - assuming he isn't violent, and you haven't mentioned he is.

Really bad advice.

The OP has said it isn't her house it's his. So actually yes if he says she has to leave she has to leave

Go to your mum's tonight, council emergency first thing in the morning.

So sorry this has happened :( How awful of him.

First of all I would like to thank you all so much for your responses and kind words.

In reply to a PP - I would NEVER leave my baby. I have not left her even once since she was born. I am her sole carer. Where I go, she goes.

I have just now applied for UC online, it says it takes 4 weeks before any payment, but at least the ball is rolling.

I have found the number for emergency housing and I have saved it and will give them a call first thing tomorrow morning. I will take advice some of you gave and will not even mention my mum.

I know some of you said that you would stay out but honestly, my mental health has already taken a hit out of all this. I want gone, and ASAP. I can't keep the 'peace' so they say.

I will keep you all updated, thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart.

Me and my daughter will be ok.

Call citizens advice they will be able to put you in contact with anyone you need to and they can also give you money for things you might need.

You can get an advance of UC. It has to be paid back but that might help tide you over.

Can mum help you out financially at all

what county are you in OP?

Take copies of your ex's bank statement, wage slips, mortgage docs/statements, asset, pension docs in case he tries to hide money when you do a maintenance claim.

See if there's any loose cash lying around & put it in your purse. Do you have access to a joint account? Can you do a big shop for your child? Nappies, clothes in next size up, shoes etc.

I'd be phoning his parents up and telling them that their son couldn't keep it zipped & is also throwing out his daughter the week before Christmas. And I'd put it on Facebook but I'm a vindictive so and so and that'll probably make things worse so ignore me!

childmaintenanceservice.direct.gov.uk/onlinerevive/public/landing-screen

www.womensaid.org.uk/
Contact women's aid as they can give you brilliant advice on all sorts including practical advice & help.

@sophiathefirst1 again just to mirror what someone else has said (my DH used to work in this department too) I would 100% not mention your mother letting you stay as it can backfire. Just present as homeless first thing tomorrow with absolutely no where to go. Any whiff of you having a temporary place to stay is not going to do you any favours. Good luck op.

If you have applied for UC today your first assessment period will be 20th Dec to 19th Jan so first payment will be 26th Jan.

As soon as ID verified you can apply for an advance. On a new claims advance you can take all or some of your personal allowances. I’d say you took £150 and then wanted the rest you could do this if you did it within first assessment period.

And yes don’t mention your mother!

Some great advice here OP. Hope you're doing ok.
In terms of housing options & time frames, it really does depend on where in the U.K. you are.
Most council offices aren't open & you need to ring up & make a homeless application. They have to offer you emergency accommodation (which might not be the best, but it has to be suitable) while they investigate your case - you will be in priority need as you have a child. If you are accepted as 'homeless' once they have investigated, you may be able to access longer term housing but it could take years & years (I am in the south east where this is the case) but they may be able to offer support to access alternative longer term private rental etc.
Some of the charities mentioned up thread (women's aid) support women affected by domestic abuse (I'm unsure if this is you) & the shelter website might be of use. It's excellent.
I hope everything works out for you & your daughter

Hi everyone.

So, last night he came into my room saying the usual, how sorry he is, he loves me, he doesn't want us to go, he'll change etc.

I do not want to be with this man anymore, I will be happier on my own, I always have been.

He said if I really wanted to go I can stay till I've found somewhere else.

The problem here is that I hate him yes and if I had somewhere to go this instant my shoes would already be on my feet. However, me and my daughter don't have anywhere to go and she is such an unsettled baby as it is, I would absolutely hate to drag her into a shelter etc (but if I had too I would)

What do I do now?
If I tell the council I have somewhere to stay, my application is going to take months?? Maybe years. Do I tell them that while he said I can stay here he wants me out ASAP? Argh! I just want to pack my stuff and go!!

@Esse321

what county are you in OP?

Northamptonshire.

If you take him up on his offer to stay until "you find a place" you won't be a priority for the council. It doesn't sound likely that you'll be able to save a deposit and rent upfront for a private rental, so you'd be stuck there until he kicked you out again and you'd have to start all over again with the council.

As hard as it is, I'd be telling the council I'm homeless and taking whatever emergency accommodation they have. Thinking of your longer term future it's the only way. Good luck.

Sorry your in this position OP. If it were me, I wouldn't tell the council/emergency housing people that he offered for you to stay. He sounds a bit unstable chucking you out and then offering you to stay. If you want out, just say you've got nowhere to stay and need accommodation pronto. Don't mention his 'kind' offer. Good luck