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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am and I don’t care

121 replies

Sexnotgender · 20/12/2020 17:46

I know I’m being unreasonable but I’m so fucked off.

I’m 6 months pregnant and have been ill and just wanted a little time to myself after Christmas and now the fucking nursery is shut.

I know so many people are worse off but I was so looking forward to a week for me.

Fuck fuck fuck it all.

OP posts:
SueEllenMishke · 21/12/2020 08:34

God forbid a parent who may actually have to care for their own preschool age child. Why are you having a second child when you quite obviously don't want to actually do any of the parenting? Why not just stay childless and do as you please rather than having to pay to palm them off?

There's always one 🙄

YANBU op. Not one little bit.

Tricerapops · 21/12/2020 08:47

@Littleelffriend

I’m in Scotland our nursery is waiting until the government have their consultation tomorrow.
Same position here but it's not looking good. Add to the mix that my work have insisted on us being in the workplace since July rather than at home despite being able to WFH (college support staff) and I'm not sure what I'll do.
ipswichwitch · 21/12/2020 08:48

You are definitely not U. I almost cried when we got the email from school saying DS1 had to isolate. I had him and his brother booked into sports club today. I’d planned on a bit of cleaning and then an afternoon with Christmas movies and a ton of chocolate.
DS2 has asd and is extremely full on at the minute. Most days I feel like I’m losing my mind following him and his trail of destruction and meltdowns. Today was meant to be my day goddamnit! I haven’t had a day in my own since january 😭
And yes, I know it’s only DS1 isolating but it’s not worth risking the meltdown if I tried taking DS2 on his own.

CorianderBlues · 21/12/2020 08:49

I agree with mother

Why have kids if you don't want to parent them, especially at Christmas? If that's how you feel already with a nursery-age kid, how will you feel when they're 9? Is it really wise, if you feel like that now with just the one child, to be having another?

YABU. Sorry.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 21/12/2020 08:50

Oh my god @ipswichwitch why did you even have children? JOKING obviously Flowers I’m sorry that sounds really hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 21/12/2020 08:52

@CorianderBlues

I agree with mother

Why have kids if you don't want to parent them, especially at Christmas? If that's how you feel already with a nursery-age kid, how will you feel when they're 9? Is it really wise, if you feel like that now with just the one child, to be having another?

YABU. Sorry.

I’ve already got an older child. I love being a parent. Shockingly enough I’m still a person with needs.
OP posts:
CorianderBlues · 21/12/2020 08:54

That's even worse then. Sounds incredibly selfish, sorry. We all have needs, but we all have responsibilities which come first. Such is life.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 21/12/2020 08:55

Can I clarify that it’s not that I never want to parent my child obviously... I’m amazed I actually have to say this. I just wanted a couple of days to recharge.

Clearly I’m a monster.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 21/12/2020 08:56

YANBU op. I had one day on my own in October half term. I was supposed to have a day to myself in November, kids both at school and me not at work Shock

Them one child had to self isolate so spent the day doing zoom calls with her and craft. It was actually quite nice but Sad about sofa day.

I found working full time, having a two year old and being Pg the most exhausting time tbh. It was easier when the baby was born as I was on mat leave then! Good luck op.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 21/12/2020 08:57

@CorianderBlues

That's even worse then. Sounds incredibly selfish, sorry. We all have needs, but we all have responsibilities which come first. Such is life.
Incredibly selfish to want some time to myself 😂 good one.

What bit exactly of wanting a couple days to recharge whilst my child is in a caring childcare setting which he adores is selfish?

OP posts:
RenegadeMrs · 21/12/2020 09:00

Not unreasonable, you have my complete sympathy. I was 6 months pregnant with a 3 year old in March this year. Not a key worker I cried each and every time lockdown was announced/extended. I haven't had a day to myself since then.

My poor DD was watching 4 hours of TV and computer app (at least they were nominally educational) per day at my most knackered :( Not proud of it but it got us through.

RenegadeMrs · 21/12/2020 09:06

And OMG at everyone on their high horses about not wanting to parent children... have you all forgotten how absolutly knackering pregnancy is and how demanding toddlers can be?

Its not unreasonable to want a few hours (cos thats what it would be woth nursery, not exactly a full 24 hours) rest or just not at someone else's beck and call, even if it is your own child. FFS.

theThreeofWeevils · 21/12/2020 09:10

Is it really wise, if you feel like that now with just the one child, to be having another?

It's a bit late now for the OP to terminate, @CorianderBlues, so what would you suggest? A time macine, perhaps?

ipswichwitch · 21/12/2020 09:10

Oh my god @ipswichwitch why did you even have children? JOKING obviously flowers I’m sorry that sounds really hard.

Thankyou Sexnotgender, according to some here I shouldn’t have bothered having kids. Obviously my crystal ball was defective 😂
DS2 has decided he’s helping me clean - that usually means an entire can of pledge sprayed onto one shelf and everything sliding off it whenever you shut the door 😂

CatholicKidston · 21/12/2020 09:12

@CorianderBlues

I agree with mother

Why have kids if you don't want to parent them, especially at Christmas? If that's how you feel already with a nursery-age kid, how will you feel when they're 9? Is it really wise, if you feel like that now with just the one child, to be having another?

YABU. Sorry.

Do you any kids of your own?

moita · 21/12/2020 09:13

YANBU. Really worries my son's pre school will still be shut in the new year. He will be devastated (tier 4 England)

ForestNymph · 21/12/2020 09:14

@CorianderBlues

I agree with mother

Why have kids if you don't want to parent them, especially at Christmas? If that's how you feel already with a nursery-age kid, how will you feel when they're 9? Is it really wise, if you feel like that now with just the one child, to be having another?

YABU. Sorry.

Older kids are easier. I prefer older kids to babies - babies and toddlers can't reason, scream a lot, poop a lot and give you very little time to yourself.

Also, when people had kids we generally didn't know thered be a global pandemic isolating them with very little support.

Don't be a dick

confuddledroz · 21/12/2020 09:15

@Sexnotgender

I'm confused now ... says here they can stay open? (I'm also in Scotland, and hoping for nurseries to be open!)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-54962238

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 21/12/2020 09:17

[quote confuddledroz]@Sexnotgender

I'm confused now ... says here they can stay open? (I'm also in Scotland, and hoping for nurseries to be open!)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-54962238[/quote]
Their website does say that but it must be out of date. They tweeted yesterday the attached message.

There’s an emergency meeting at some point today I believe but I can’t see them changing their mind.

I am and I don’t care
OP posts:
CatholicKidston · 21/12/2020 09:17

YANBU OP I'm pregnant with a 3 year old and took last week off work before he finished pre school to recharge, you absolutely need a break from parenting sometimes. I can only imagine the shitty comments are either coming from people who have no kids, or parents of newborns who clearly have it all sussed as you do in the early days, or maybe grandparents who are imagining you as their evil DIL.

SueEllenMishke · 21/12/2020 09:18

I'm always feel a little sorry for these mummy martyrs whose lives seem to revolve solely around their children - it's not healthy.

The whole 'why did you have children if you don't want to be a parent' argument is such bullshit.

It's also pretty shitty to tell a pregnant women she's irresponsible or selfish for having children.
But whatever makes you feel superior though yeah??

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 21/12/2020 09:24

I'm always feel a little sorry for these mummy martyrs whose lives seem to revolve solely around their children - it's not healthy.

If that makes them happy then I’m not going to judge.

Personally I find I’m a better parent if I have time for myself too.

I play sport, I run (not right now obviously because pregnant and pandemic) but this keeps me sane. My husband is a perfectly capable parent and is happy to look after them whilst I have this time for myself. Just as I am when he spends a day playing cricket.

I’m a parent but that’s not all I am.

OP posts:
ForestNymph · 21/12/2020 09:25

@SueEllenMishke

I'm always feel a little sorry for these mummy martyrs whose lives seem to revolve solely around their children - it's not healthy.

The whole 'why did you have children if you don't want to be a parent' argument is such bullshit.

It's also pretty shitty to tell a pregnant women she's irresponsible or selfish for having children.
But whatever makes you feel superior though yeah??

Me too. I'm not just a mum, I'm also a person in my own right who enjoys having time to read a book or shower in peace or watch a documentary. It absolutely doesn't make someone a bad parent to want some time to themselves.
CorianderBlues · 21/12/2020 09:34

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fishingbyariver · 21/12/2020 09:35

Nope. I was reading a tragic story earlier about a toddler that drowned in a hot tub because their mum was trying to work and look after him🙁

Yes that was what came to mind for me, the mother was having to do conference calls etc whilst being solely responsible for toddler twins :( There needs to be some consideration that, without childcare, working from home isn’t as easy for parents who are also caring for babies and toddlers. Allowances should be made. Bet it’s 99% women this issue effects too.