My neighbours never stop shagging

[fuckingfuckyfuck]

Dear God, it's me, Fuckingfuckyfuck. Please bless the patrons upstairs with some new bed hinges and the occasional erectile dysfunction because this has been a horrendous wake up call.

Seriously though, for the past several weeks there have been multiple times a day where my entire flat bounces with the bed upstairs rattling and shaking. Lasts about 3 minutes every time and always managed to catch me when I'm a) falling asleep, b) waking up or c) working.
AIBU to post some pictures of genital warts through the letterbox in hopes of scaring them off??

(I'm kidding but really this has brought a new meaning to Christmas being the time of "giving" )

Lord nothing more infuriating than listening to other people shag! I would post a note through their door alerting them to the fact that their private life isn't private!

3 minutes?
Send the poor woman a condolence card.

Paying guests?

3 mins a time, multiple time a day ...

Post a note through their door. Ask them to keep it down. Your work calls are being interrupted by their three minute shags.

Maybe they’re having lots of sex in the hope of increasing the time a bit.

At three minutes a pop In not sure why she can be bothered. It sounds as if there's already ED, your prayers have been answered OP

3 minutes?
Send the poor woman a condolence card.

If I had to analogise the sexual relationship occurring upstairs, it would be like being mid-shower and seeing a spider crawling on the wall and so repeatedly BANG BANG BANGing it with a bottle of conditioner as it scuttles away. I hope that gives you all a vivid image, because I am both traumatised and sleep deprived.

3 minutes of bed-breaking activity (in the worst way)

Three minutes!? Oh dear the poor love! I mean if you wanna make that much of a song and dance about it you’d at least expect to be hanging from the chandeliers for a bit longer than that.

I once read a Sun article that 2.5 minutes was the national average so he's actually exceeding the majority of the male population by a whole 30 seconds 🤣

Buy them a book on tantric sex and post it through the letterbox.

It's also very weird and stoppy-starty.

So there will be bang bang bang followed by a few moments silence. Then another bang bang bang.

Perhaps something is on the telly? A moment of prayer? Mid-sex cereal?

I once read a Sun article that 2.5 minutes was the national average so he's actually exceeding the majority of the male population by a whole 30 seconds 🤣

(I'm being fairly lax with 3 minutes, it's quite often less than that but wouldn't want to dent the male ego further!)

Still bloody hell, if anything could make me consider joining a nunnery it would be that fact.

Pumps away

Pumps away

Are you sure they’re not doing HIIT training? Or a new sexy lockdown version?
Yeh - depressing jackrabbit’ing.

An inhaler then @AuntyFungal!
"Merry Christmas to you and your very irritating penis, Mr Neighbour."

Your post made me belly laugh OP. That poor woman, 3 minutes!

I'm glad it made you laugh, @JoeNotExotic

( also what Mr Neighbour says to Mrs Neighbour after sex)

Well, it’s nice to have a hobby.

Is it definitely bonking and not HIIT?

Maybe they watch telly all day and time the snagging to fit the ad breaks. Sounds like they have it down to an art. Please ignore the advice to post them a book on tantric sex. It will never stop 🤣

Sounds as if they’ve got water hammer which is an air lock in the plumbing pipe works.

Ours wake me up all the time. She is a screamer and shouts "yes yes yes" throughout.

Oh thank gawd for a non-covid thread!

Ours wake me up all the time. She is a screamer and shouts "yes yes yes" throughout.

I think I'd just shout "no, no, NO!" back to put her off
Then again I suppose if you did that it may never finish!

I'll avoid the tantric sex book, but might pop an Ikea one through the letterbox

She might be having a good time. The "banging" might just be him finishing off in the traditional way but he could be giving her oral or whatever for ages before that stage.

You have very high hopes, @BubblyBarbara I commend you

In fairness there's not much else to do these days if you're not into crochet or jogging.